Members grace_slick Posted October 4, 2012 Members Share Posted October 4, 2012 Well...be warned - this song may be very much influenced by my impending disease ridden state in terms of the hideously timid vocal (in fact, I can't remember hearing myself sound this crap before) and the questionable lyrics and arrangement, but let me know what you think anyway. So even more than usual, please listen to what this could be instead of what it currently is. (I just realised I even called it the wrong name when uploading it as well. Grace is NOT with it today!) http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11926377 Although the Light is Small There was a time our eyes were blind And our love was lost and we could not find The way towards each other in the dark But when we came together, we saw there was still a spark And we followed it to the corners Of our hearts Although the light is small The moths will settle there, as the darkness falls And as we come together, we Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ShadowsofBirds Posted October 5, 2012 Members Share Posted October 5, 2012 Needs live drums. Upload a version without the drum track that I can download, I'll add live drums then tell you what I think. o.O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 5, 2012 Members Share Posted October 5, 2012 I like the chorus a lot. The verses seem a bit abstract to me. One suggestion. Instead of "the moths will settle there" how about "the moths will gather there?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 5, 2012 Members Share Posted October 5, 2012 Although the light is smallThe moths will settle there, as the darkness falls Doesn't feel right to me. Something about the moths flying away once you meet there... Not sure how to explain it Although the light is smallwe'll follow the moths there as darkness falls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 5, 2012 Members Share Posted October 5, 2012 They already addressed the chorus, so I'll point out this one: The sphere of light we created with our love It seems one syllable too long. How about: The sphere of light created by our love You also want to take a closer look at some of the extended words and tighten things up. Some of them felt unnatural and others felt as if you didn't even know where you were going until you got there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grace_slick Posted October 6, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 6, 2012 Oh damn. When nobody had noticed this thread for 1 day, I hoped I'd have a chance to delete the song itself and re-record a better / different version before anyone could listen and comment!! I do NOT like this song at ALL. I don't hate the words, and I do like the concept and sentiment, but yes, it does need tightening up and the vocal SO needs re-doing. Ugh! Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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