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Although the Light is Small

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  • Although the Light is Small

    Well...be warned - this song may be very much influenced by my impending disease ridden state in terms of the hideously timid vocal (in fact, I can't remember hearing myself sound this crap before) and the questionable lyrics and arrangement, but let me know what you think anyway. So even more than usual, please listen to what this could be instead of what it currently is. (I just realised I even called it the wrong name when uploading it as well. Grace is NOT with it today!)

    http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11926377

    Although the Light is Small

    There was a time our eyes were blind
    And our love was lost and we could not find
    The way towards each other in the dark
    But when we came together, we saw there was still a spark
    And we followed it to the corners
    Of our hearts

    Although the light is small
    The moths will settle there, as the darkness falls
    And as we come together, we
    All things must pass...

  • #2
    Needs live drums. Upload a version without the drum track that I can download, I'll add live drums then tell you what I think. o.O
    <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://shadowsofbirdsmusic.blogspot.com" target="_blank">Aaron McDonald | Comic Book Music</a> (and not comic book music)</div>

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    • #3
      I like the chorus a lot. The verses seem a bit abstract to me.

      One suggestion. Instead of "the moths will settle there" how about "the moths will gather there?"
      "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

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      • #4
        Although the light is small
        The moths will settle there, as the darkness falls

        Doesn't feel right to me. Something about the moths flying away once you meet there... Not sure how to explain it

        Although the light is small
        we'll follow the moths there as darkness falls
        ...

        Comment


        • #5
          They already addressed the chorus, so I'll point out this one:

          The sphere of light we created with our love


          It seems one syllable too long. How about:

          The sphere of light created by our love

          You also want to take a closer look at some of the extended words and tighten things up. Some of them felt unnatural and others felt as if you didn't even know where you were going until you got there.
          Don't listen to Justin.
          LCK - 2/21/2012

          Comment


          • #6
            Oh damn. When nobody had noticed this thread for 1 day, I hoped I'd have a chance to delete the song itself and re-record a better / different version before anyone could listen and comment!!

            I do NOT like this song at ALL. I don't hate the words, and I do like the concept and sentiment, but yes, it does need tightening up and the vocal SO needs re-doing. Ugh!

            Thank you!
            All things must pass...

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