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I Shoula been an Actor... yes... 4!

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  • I Shoula been an Actor... yes... 4!

    I'm... ok... nevermind... they're just "re-writes". Arghhh! Sorry. So... the rap is gone thank the gods and Buddha and whoever else you wanna thank. Superman too. I like it... trickery, some whatever. I'm going to bed soon. Ahh! is this bastard me!??!? I'm done. Input needed. ****************!!! Um... sorry.

    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

  • #2
    I have to say up front that you're a production/musical genius. Everything is perfectly in place.

    That said, I think when you do the part with the pauses -- which is very ear catching -- and then go into the slide guitar, you don't need to continue the vocal refrain. At all.

    Is that you playing slide? Because to me that section should just be a slide solo that gets hotter and hotter and then slowly fades out. No vocals after the one at 2:45. The song should fade out around 35 or so.

    Anyway, that's what I think.
    "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

    Comment


    • #3
      To me it's sooo much better without the rap, middle class white boy....
      'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
      CHARLIE PARKER

      Comment


      • #4
        I feel like the "I should have been an actor"s from 20 through 2:40 should be cut and replaced with some kind of new melodic idea.


        And this isn't indicative of the song at all - I just noticed your signature.. "Be good and you will be lonesome." who am I to compete with Mark Twain, but: "Be bad and you will be loathsome."
        <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://shadowsofbirdsmusic.blogspot.com" target="_blank">Aaron McDonald | Comic Book Music</a> (and not comic book music)</div>

        Comment


        • #5
          Ok firstly i LOVE IT.

          Personally....if it were me I would cut 2.00-2.25 and just drop that part at 2:25 right where the 20 mark is..... just cut that section

          Whilst I love that middle bit it does feel a "little" long

          Comment


          • #6
            I have to say up front that you're a production/musical genius. Everything is perfectly in place.

            That said, I think when you do the part with the pauses -- which is very ear catching -- and then go into the slide guitar, you don't need to continue the vocal refrain. At all.

            Is that you playing slide? Because to me that section should just be a slide solo that gets hotter and hotter and then slowly fades out. No vocals after the one at 2:45. The song should fade out around 35 or so.

            Anyway, that's what I think.


            Yes, something along these lines. The repetition of the title line gets to be a bit too much.

            I hate to have a thought like this at this point in the process, after you've put so much work into writing, recording, production, etc. So, please feel free to totally ignore what I'm about to say. I feel like the song is missing that little something that would make it 'pop' in the listener's ear. I guess you'd call that a hook. As it is now, the chorus is sung in the same musical territory as the verses, with the title line sounding almost spoken. Maybe you were going for a petulant attitude there, which is totally in-character, but it doesn't really launch the chorus or provide the 'lift' that listeners generally expect at that point in the song. What if you bumped up the vocals there? I'm thinking that line should be in the same general area as the 'venus in profile' line.

            O.K., like I said, please feel free to ignore the previous suggestion if you feel like you're beyond that degree of re-tooling.

            And I completely agree with LCK about you being a musical genius. Your attention to detail in the production is amazing.
            Beware of deepities.<br>-- Daniel Dennett

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm... ok... nevermind... they're just "re-writes". Arghhh! Sorry. So... the rap is gone thank the gods and Buddha and whoever else you wanna thank. Superman too. I like it... trickery, some whatever. I'm going to bed soon. Ahh! is this bastard me!??!? I'm done. Input needed. ****************!!! Um... sorry.


              I gotta say, my frustration dispalyed above was very real. I just hit a real emotional wall. I wanted to through that Mac cross the room and go get drunk. I went to be instead.
              Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

              Comment


              • #8
                Is that slide with an octave pedal or just doubled up?

                Either way, it's radtastic.
                ...

                Comment


                • #9
                  I have to say up front that you're a production/musical genius. Everything is perfectly in place.

                  That said, I think when you do the part with the pauses -- which is very ear catching -- and then go into the slide guitar, you don't need to continue the vocal refrain. At all.

                  Is that you playing slide? Because to me that section should just be a slide solo that gets hotter and hotter and then slowly fades out. No vocals after the one at 2:45. The song should fade out around 35 or so.

                  Anyway, that's what I think.


                  That's a bold edit but I like it...
                  Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I feel like the "I should have been an actor"s from 20 through 2:40 should be cut and replaced with some kind of new melodic idea.


                    And this isn't indicative of the song at all - I just noticed your signature.. "Be good and you will be lonesome." who am I to compete with Mark Twain, but: "Be bad and you will be loathsome."


                    And I love this idea but I am tapped at this point for new stuff. I think I'm going to go the edit route though I totally agree with you here.
                    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Ok firstly i LOVE IT.

                      Personally....if it were me I would cut 2.00-2.25 and just drop that part at 2:25 right where the 20 mark is..... just cut that section

                      Whilst I love that middle bit it does feel a "little" long


                      And I love this edit idea as well. That's very clever... I think I need to start doing some save as'es and getting the balde out and try this as well as Lee's idea. That's good Stick.
                      Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Yes, something along these lines. The repetition of the title line gets to be a bit too much.

                        I hate to have a thought like this at this point in the process, after you've put so much work into writing, recording, production, etc. So, please feel free to totally ignore what I'm about to say. I feel like the song is missing that little something that would make it 'pop' in the listener's ear. I guess you'd call that a hook. As it is now, the chorus is sung in the same musical territory as the verses, with the title line sounding almost spoken. Maybe you were going for a petulant attitude there, which is totally in-character, but it doesn't really launch the chorus or provide the 'lift' that listeners generally expect at that point in the song. What if you bumped up the vocals there? I'm thinking that line should be in the same general area as the 'venus in profile' line.

                        O.K., like I said, please feel free to ignore the previous suggestion if you feel like you're beyond that degree of re-tooling.

                        And I completely agree with LCK about you being a musical genius. Your attention to detail in the production is amazing.


                        And yes, this ^ is a big part of why I'm so frustrated. It totally sounds like I imaginged it in my head, Execpt I kinda don't like it for the reasons you mention.
                        Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Ok firstly i LOVE IT.

                          Personally....if it were me I would cut 2.00-2.25 and just drop that part at 2:25 right where the 20 mark is..... just cut that section

                          Whilst I love that middle bit it does feel a "little" long


                          Agreed. Another alternative is to cut the first 8 seconds and go into the "oooh" part at 28 and nix the "I shoulda been" line a second or two later. But it definitely waits far too long to get to the meat of the solo.

                          Something not mentioned, but which bothered me was the echo-ish vocals on the title lines. I found them wholly distracting and think it woud be better without them.

                          Other than that, I enjoyed it.
                          Don't listen to Justin.
                          LCK - 2/21/2012

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Is that slide with an octave pedal or just doubled up?

                            Either way, it's radtastic.


                            That's just me on slide on my cool little Yamaha...



                            I played it on my lap like a lap steel. The actions too low so you get that little fret buzz that Derek Trucks has mastered. Then I used the amp sound (Boss CS2 into an OCD into a Blackheart 3 watter cranked into an Avalon 1*12 Celestion sealed)) and in addition I used a direct feed as well (off the same performance) and sent that to a guitar sim (Guitar Rig) on a cleanish setting to accentuated those little Trucks-like fret outs. I panned the guitar sim off a bit to spead it out. Then I doubled the whole thing with a Tenor Sax sample buried.

                            Radtastic? I like that!
                            Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Something not mentioned, but which bothered me was the echo-ish vocals on the title lines. I found them wholly distracting and think it woud be better without them.


                              Another source of my frustration. In an attempt to gussy up the chorus at C2 and C3, and as mentioned by MU about the lack of real melodic departure there, I tried to snazz it up and dazzle with the machine gun response on those key lines.

                              In one respect I love it, in another, as you said, it's distracting. I'd love some others to input on those if anyone is inclined...
                              Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                              Comment



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