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  • Karissa With a K (Song+Lyrics)

    Any feedback on melody/lyrics would be appreciated

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1_5Ogm7c8I&feature=plcp

    Verse 1

    Karissa with a K
    keeping this love together
    dancing in stormy weather
    dancing in stormy weather
    Karissa with a K
    The shadows try to break through
    But sunshine sits beside you
    sunshine sits beside you


    Chorus

    Oooooo oooo oooo Something bout this feeling
    Oooooo oooo oooo like dancing on the ceiling
    and your eyes are like the changing seasons
    will the winds blow them in my direction


    Verse 2

    Karissa with a K
    No matter what you go through
    I wrote this song to warm you
    I wrote this song to warm you
    Karissa with a K
    The cold night air surrounds you
    but my words will always find you
    my words will always find you


    Chorus

    Oooooo oooo oooo Something bout this feeling
    Oooooo oooo oooo like dancing on the ceiling
    and your eyes are like the changing seasons
    will the winds blow them in my direction

    Bridge
    Sunlight halo that you wear
    whispered favors in your ear
    Inscribed yourself with lucky charms
    magic written on your arm

    Chorus

    Oooooo oooo oooo Something bout this feeling
    Oooooo oooo oooo like dancing on the ceiling
    and your eyes are like the changing seasons
    will the winds blow them in my direction
    will the winds blow them in my direction
    "Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it."
    - George Carlin

  • #2
    I think you should consider significantly reducing the lines with a dragged word. Not saying to cut them out of the song entirely, just sing the line without the drag. You also want to careful about which word gets the treatment. For instance, the opening line has some potential, but the the "a" being made so melodically prominent gets in the way. To me, anyway. If something should be featured, it is the "K".

    The "feeling/ceiling" lines might need review. Not only are they not as good as the rest, but they immediately bring the Lionel Ritchie song to mind.

    It might be a different direction than you are planning, but I can't help but wonder what it would sound like if you moved the bridge between V2 and C2 and dropped C3 altogether. If not, maybe make C2 an abridged version by snipping the final two lines making the bridge feel more surprising. Just something to tweak the overall predictability of the piece.
    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

    Comment


    • #3


      How are you doing? Haven't seen you or your brother around here for ages.
      Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Dj Facebook Tumblr

      Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

      -Coco Chanel

      Comment


      • #4


        How are you doing? Haven't seen you or your brother around here for ages.


        I'm doing well. Moved down close to my brother and we're playing music together
        "Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it."
        - George Carlin

        Comment


        • #5

          The shadows try to break through
          But sunshine sits beside you
          sunshine sits beside you

          and your eyes are like the changing seasons
          will the winds blow them in my direction

          The cold night air surrounds you
          but my words will always find you
          my words will always find you


          These words, I like. The others, they're still good but these stand out to me. It has a slight air of ominousness somewhere in there...like she's cold and needs your words to warm her, or something's wrong with her but you're there for her...and at the same time you want her but is she aware / does she want you back? Maybe not. It seems both of you have darkness / shadows and could help each other, but...it may never happen that way. I like that (or my interpretation of it, anyway)

          And yes, Lionel Ritchie came to my mind too. I thought your line about dancing on the ceiling was a nod to that Lionel song actually, like a little joke type thing.
          All things must pass...

          Comment


          • #6
            First impression: Good song.
            I like the picking pattern.
            Vocal Melody works - good cadence.
            Nothing stands out lyrically as awkward.

            Maybe try adding a couple measures walking the guitar from the chorus into the bridge?
            Maybe add some embellishments/ornamental notes in the space coming out of the chorus into the verse?
            I don't know that the song necessarily needs either of those, but it may improve it.
            Aaron McDonald | Comic Book Music (and not comic book music)

            Comment


            • #7
              I'll just pretend it was an affectionate cheesy nod
              "Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it."
              - George Carlin

              Comment


              • #8
                Sweet.
                “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Love the song musically. Nice chords nice melody. Nice rhythm. I like the chorus lines:

                  Oooooo oooo oooo Something bout this feeling
                  Oooooo oooo oooo like dancing on the ceiling


                  Fun. Easy to grasp. Yet unique. I want to know more about this feeling and the dancing on the ceiling thing.

                  Just about all the rest of the words, except for Karissa with a K, sound like you were plugging in rhymes. Well worn phrases. No real direction. No real story line. No development.

                  I'm not trying to be a hard guy. I would call this a wonderful start to a song. I suggest you go out and find some interesting storyline that develops around the singer's relationship to Karissa and fits the mood that will put some flesh on the skeleton. Maybe try to work around the dancing on the ceiling imagery.
                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                  http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                  http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    First impression: Good song.
                    I like the picking pattern.
                    Vocal Melody works - good cadence.
                    Nothing stands out lyrically as awkward.

                    Maybe try adding a couple measures walking the guitar from the chorus into the bridge?
                    Maybe add some embellishments/ornamental notes in the space coming out of the chorus into the verse?
                    I don't know that the song necessarily needs either of those, but it may improve it.


                    +1, and stick with your story about an affectionate cheesy nod.
                    Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Dj Facebook Tumblr

                    Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

                    -Coco Chanel

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I like the verse melody a lot. Very nice.

                      I think the chorus melody is too subdued. I'd go more conventional there, with higher notes and more emotional intensity. The fact that the chorus starts on a minor chord might be part of the problem there. The melody and minor chord tonality sounds too much like a bridge, in my opinion.

                      The bridge melody is good, but I'd change it up a little more after the second or third line.

                      I quite like the lyric. I'm going to have to disagree with Marshall about the need for more story line development. As it is, it's basically just a series of pleasant images, which is just fine with me. I especially like these lines:

                      But sunshine sits beside you
                      sunshine sits beside you

                      Sunlight halo that you wear
                      whispered favors in your ear
                      Inscribed yourself with lucky charms
                      magic written on your arm

                      The only line that really bothered me was 'dancing on the ceiling,' which was a hugely popular song when I was in high school. But for folks of a different age group who don't know that song, it might not be a problem.
                      Beware of deepities.-- Daniel Dennett

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Just about all the rest of the words, except for Karissa with a K, sound like you were plugging in rhymes. Well worn phrases. No real direction. No real story line. No development.

                        I'm not trying to be a hard guy. I would call this a wonderful start to a song. I suggest you go out and find some interesting storyline that develops around the singer's relationship to Karissa and fits the mood that will put some flesh on the skeleton. Maybe try to work around the dancing on the ceiling imagery.


                        I understand... I was just trying to create imagery but I can see how you would be bored by that. I actually wrote this for a girl I know and she really loved it because it was personalized for her but for anyone else it might be a bit tedious.
                        "Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it."
                        - George Carlin

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          . . . , I actually wrote this for a girl I know and she really loved it because it was personalized for her . . . ,


                          You win the prize, then !

                          +1
                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                          http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                          http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Not familiar with the Lionel Ritchie song, so can't ad anything there. As a listener I enjoyed this tune nice guitar/Vox/melody along with a theme I could follow. I'll allow the Song-smiths give their expertise as far as fine tuning. Good job

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