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  • #46
    C

    You're not a little girl, I'm not your daddy

    There is no Superman, Lady Penelope

    It is a gift to love and live

    When we beg, borrow and give

    Our heroes are gone

    Long gone, Lady Penelope
    __________
    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
    Jesus

    Comment


    • #47
      How about setting up the present time aspect of 'long gone' :



      You're not a little girl, I'm not your daddy

      There is no Superman, Lady Penelope

      It can be a time to love and live

      When we beg, borrow and give

      Our heroes are gone

      Long gone, Lady Penelope
      'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
      CHARLIE PARKER

      Comment


      • #48






        Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
        View Post

        How about setting up the present time aspect of 'long gone' :



        You're not a little girl, I'm not your daddy

        There is no Superman, Lady Penelope

        It can be a time to love and live

        When we beg, borrow and give

        Our heroes are gone

        Long gone, Lady Penelope




        Ooo, yeah. Maybe trimmed...



        You're not a little girl, I'm not your daddy

        There is no Superman, Lady Penelope

        It is the time to love and live

        When we beg, borrow and give

        Our heroes are gone

        Long gone, Lady Penelope
        __________
        Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
        Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
        Jesus

        Comment


        • #49
          OK - but how about : It is a time to love and live?
          'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
          CHARLIE PARKER

          Comment


          • #50
            yeah, maybe. It has a little bit of a "four score and seven years ago" feel to it though. It is a time for change, etc. A little politico speechy. A time! You know? As a matter of fact, if I could figure out how to get "time" out of there, I might too. I love the idea. How it offers hope with all the God is DEAD negative reality. But I don't want to to sound like Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King or Obama either.



            The other consideration is the mechanics of speech. "A" works off of a glottal. "The" has the advantage of that tongue to the teeth. rolling into the "t" if "time"
            __________
            Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
            Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
            Jesus

            Comment


            • #51






              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
              View Post

              yeah, maybe. It has a little bit of a "four score and seven years ago" feel to it though. It is a time for change, etc. A little politico speechy. A time! You know? As a matter of fact, if I could figure out how to get "time" out of there, I might too. I love the idea. How it offers hope with all the God is DEAD negative reality. But I don't want to to sound like Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King or Obama either.



              The other consideration is the mechanics of speech. "A" works off of a glottal. "The" has the advantage of that tongue to the teeth. rolling into the "t" if "time"




              All valid points. I've got so much to learn if I'm gonna glottal right.
              'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
              CHARLIE PARKER

              Comment


              • #52
                Make the time to love and live



                Find the time to love and live



                Now's the time to love and live




                Just some thoughts.
                Beware of deepities.-- Daniel Dennett

                Comment


                • #53






                  Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
                  View Post

                  All valid points. I've got so much to learn if I'm gonna glottal right.




                  Hey, I edit voice over for a living. I live this crap. I've got a VO talent who is a Philippino-American. She has a beautiful, American voice. But she was raised in a Philippino home. And those Philippinos love their glottal stops. Think of the almost consonant sound at the top of each of these: uh-oh.



                  So in the midst of this this beautiful articulation she flaunts, there are these little uh-oh kind of sounds. I'm constantly editing them out and can actually see them a mile away.



                  TMI.
                  __________
                  Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                  Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                  Jesus

                  Comment


                  • #54






                    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                    View Post

                    B

                    Remember the time spent driving in your car?

                    The desert was electric, the day to day that can be so hectic

                    Was so far... away




                    If it was:



                    The desert was electric, the day to day, hectic

                    but so far away



                    The comma replaces 'was'.



                    The original line really grabbed me - the contrast between 'electric' and 'hectic' as well as the similarity.



                    Just a thought.

                    Comment


                    • #55






                      Quote Originally Posted by saturn1
                      View Post

                      If it was:



                      The desert was electric, the day to day, hectic

                      but so far away



                      The comma replaces 'was'.



                      The original line really grabbed me - the contrast between 'electric' and 'hectic' as well as the similarity.



                      Just a thought.




                      You're saying you liked the original way I used "hectic". Cause I do too. I'd really love to buck the trend on this but it's easy to see the communal perception here, and the come around to some sense. I tend to agree with these guys. Not always though. I'd love to have a reason to keep it. ????
                      __________
                      Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                      Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                      Jesus

                      Comment


                      • #56






                        Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                        View Post

                        You're saying you liked the original way I used "hectic". Cause I do too. I'd really love to buck the trend on this but it's easy to see the communal perception here, and the come around to some sense. I tend to agree with these guys. Not always though. I'd love to have a reason to keep it. ????




                        Hey, it's your song. Don't let us write it by committee.
                        Beware of deepities.-- Daniel Dennett

                        Comment


                        • #57






                          Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                          View Post

                          You're saying you liked the original way I used "hectic". Cause I do too. I'd really love to buck the trend on this but it's easy to see the communal perception here, and the come around to some sense. I tend to agree with these guys. Not always though. I'd love to have a reason to keep it. ????




                          I prefer the original as well.
                          Don't listen to Justin.
                          LCK - 2/21/2012

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Thanks O
                            __________
                            Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                            Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                            Jesus

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Lee, I didn't read all the post, but were you playing the guitar while writing it.
                              "Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a look at the American Indian" — Henry Ford

                              Comment


                              • #60






                                Quote Originally Posted by guitarville
                                View Post

                                Lee, I didn't read all the post, but were you playing the guitar while writing it.




                                I haven't even picked up a guitar yet. No... just hearing it in my head.
                                __________
                                Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                                Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                                Jesus

                                Comment









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