Members Mahuska Posted October 9, 2012 Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 Edit. Please notice that most of this lyric and melody wise is scrapped. At the bottom another SC URL Lately all over the map Genre wise Been jamming a lot lately and have come up with a couple very different ideas for tunes. Scenario, blank slate, write guitar riffs, then start humming melodies, then immediately write lyrics, practice briefly and hit record. I know in haste I'll takes my share of hits. I went ahead and forged ahead with this idea. The Bridge(hook) will be the same the second time around. As far as Verse 2 and Chorus 2, I am not sure yet. If you follow the story, I am wondering as we go through the verse and chorus again one more time, Do I ditch the Girl and eventually pick up another, or do I make this a happy/success story with this Girl? Another subtle reference possibility is I am the Beater car. There are some possibilities to keep a line or two in V2 and Chorus2 or they can be entirely different. It will end up a little over a 3 minute song. I sang right after writing lyrics and trying to get a handle on the Vox melody. It will mature as I sing it more. Room for harmonies I think. Oh yeah the mix process went for a few hours so no doubt my ears got pretty tired, but one can get a general idea where this could go. LYRICS Jump in my Beater Car Verse 1 I travel any old highways sometimes for just escape. Alone my mind can really wander. No one I engage debate with. Chorus You can see this lonely me, take a picture of my frown Time for rest and nourishment I spy a Diner one mile down. As I sit I glance around see the same look that follows me There's this Gal we share the same Lets take a journey and leave the blame Bridge If you please, just come with me jump into my Beater Car Have some trust and you will see. Many places oh so far. My honor is sound and knows no bounds Come with me in my Beater Car. We'll have some fun, before were done And might not know just where we are. SC http://soundcloud.com/mahuska/jump-into-my-beater-car Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 9, 2012 Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 I usually like your vocals, but there's a bit of hesitation in your voice this time around. Lyrically, there are a few lines I'd re-think, if I were you.I travel any old highways sometimes for just escape. Alone my mind can really wander. No one I engage debate with. I get the idea of what you're saying here, but you could say it clearer. I don't think your chorus is a chorus. In fact, I would delete that section, write a second verse, then go into what's now called the bridge. Also, instead of adding new words the 2nd time through, I'd just repeat the first section. Baby please, come ride with me jump into my Beater Car Trust your senses and you'll see. I'll drive you to the nearest star. Baby please, come ride with me jump into my Beater Car Trust your senses and you'll see. I'll drive you to the nearest star. ... or something ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 9, 2012 Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 +1 on everything Lee said. You really need to rewrite that opening verse and the chorus should be scrapped altogether. It could be a decent verse in another song, but it doesn't do enough here. Lee's idea of simplifying the bridge (or what should be the chorus) is also spot on. Make it more sing-a-long-able. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 9, 2012 Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 I see where LCK and Os are coming from but I like elements of the chorus for a verse. I'll travel any old highway for the escape. My mind can really wander. I don't have the time for your debate You can see this lonely me take a picture of my frown Time for rest and and time for fuel I spy a diner one mile down As I sit I glance around I see you looking like you need to skip town If you please, just come with me jump into my Beater Car Have some trust and you will see. Many places oh so far. Then, for the next verse, I'd go back to the diner for specifics. "How's the pie.... I had a second cup of coffee... You already have a bag packed...etc..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted October 9, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 Originally Posted by LCK I usually like your vocals, but there's a bit of hesitation in your voice this time around.Lyrically, there are a few lines I'd re-think, if I were you.I travel any old highways sometimes for just escape.Alone my mind can really wander. No oneI engage debate with.I get the idea of what you're saying here, but you could say it clearer. I don't think your chorus is a chorus. In fact, I would delete that section, write a second verse, then go into what's now called the bridge. Also, instead of adding new words the 2nd time through, I'd just repeat the first section.Baby please, come ride with mejump into my Beater CarTrust your senses and you'll see.I'll drive you to the nearest star.Baby please, come ride with me jump into my Beater CarTrust your senses and you'll see.I'll drive you to the nearest star.... or something ... good call. I did work on the bridge first and felt a little more comfortable with the melody and thought it was something I could sing to.Then started on the other parts and was concerned about the melodies as far as my vocal comfort zone. I seemed to have to sing quite lower then I wanted to.Your other suggestions are great. I have more to respond with the other posters that have similar concerns. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted October 9, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 Originally Posted by Oswlek +1 on everything Lee said. You really need to rewrite that opening verse and the chorus should be scrapped altogether. It could be a decent verse in another song, but it doesn't do enough here. Lee's idea of simplifying the bridge (or what should be the chorus) is also spot on. Make it more sing-a-long-able. Will do, thanks for the advise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted October 9, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 9, 2012 Originally Posted by rhino55 I see where LCK and Os are coming from but I like elements of the chorus for a verse. I'll travel any old highway for the escape.My mind can really wander. I don't have the time for your debateYou can see this lonely metake a picture of my frownTime for rest and and time for fuel I spy a diner one mile downAs I sit I glance around I see you looking like you need to skip town If you please, just come with mejump into my Beater CarHave some trust and you will see.Many places oh so far.Then, for the next verse, I'd go back to the diner for specifics. "How's the pie.... I had a second cup of coffee... You already have a bag packed...etc..." Great idea. I am glad I am not attached to what I have so far so scrapping partslyric wise just gives me more opportunities. I do like the musical aspects though, but like I said before need to see if my voice will flatter this song in the end.I think getting away from using a recent formula of having a note-pad nearby and jotting down phrases, themes, story lines as they come while I am chillin' that may take up several pages which I refer as a crime scene type of approach helps me. especially if there is a story to be told. Not trying to do things in such a linear mannerThanks for the listen and advise.Now knowing what work lies ahead, I'll take my time and sort all this out and keep posting revisions. I have another Rock song that I am stuck in the mud with especially in the hook department. I may post that as well. This way I can heed advise and when something "comes" to me I have two projects to gnaw on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted October 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 13, 2012 I hope you can image or hear what changes the vocal melody will be judging by the Piano which is going to be the vocal melody. The Lead guitar is the instrumental intro Then follows with short vox intro with just a few words a line(following the piano) Instead of chorus, I guess we should look at the next part as the verse. Once again the Piano part is mainly there as a vocal guide track. There may end up being some actual Piano instrument tracks/parts. Well see This changes everything. I will be able to sing in a higher register comfortably, a softer voice, so by the time we get to the bridge, adjustments need to be made there for the song to flow. The story-line more than likely change as the new Vox Melodies invoke new ideas that I am just starting to formulate some Just a different vibe and will be so much different than the Very Low Vocals sung(struggled I admit) with the first version rough draft. If the Piano parts are too loud, I did it to help one try and get a feel of new Vox melodies. Hope they don't throw you off I hear some Vocal overdubs now in my head New SChttp://soundcloud.com/mahuska/beater...vision-1-piano Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 15, 2012 Members Share Posted October 15, 2012 Sounds good. Are you sure about that second piano note at 0:16? It sounds off key to my ears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mahuska Posted October 17, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 17, 2012 Originally Posted by Oswlek Sounds good. Are you sure about that second piano note at 0:16? It sounds off key to my ears. After pointing that out you are right. Easy fix, but one can get the idea that intro section will only be 2-3 words a line. I am exciting over the new verse melody I am been taking time to see another scenario and theme or how to adjust the old one about the Gal I met at the diner. Haven't formulated it enough to begin writing a new set of lyrics. I have two other rough ideas I am jumping back and forth from. One I will post soon with the hope of getting feedback as I feel it has strong verse chorus melodies, but lacks a hookthanks for the heads up and reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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