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Who Is Your Savior Now


LeonardScaper

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This song came on suddenly, The lyrics flowed freely and I caught them in a pretty raw form.

I worry a bit, though, about the title/hook, even though I may not be able to change it. There are certain....possible implications...to such a title that I would ordinarily wish to avoid. Perhaps there is another way to say this....

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11944626

Who is your savior now
Here on this island
Who is your savior
Why are you smiling
Who is your savior

You've been the rave for years
Up in your highlands
With all of your savoir faire
I see you're still smiling
So who is this savior

I wonder
If you
Really
Can live without
'Cause under
All of that peace of mind
Thunder rages
And there is no doubt
Who your savior is

Thunder rages
Spawned by the wind
That turned this page
And you know who it is
That through the ages
Has been your savior
So who is your savior now


instrumental

Here in this cave
Here on this island
Who is your savior
Look at that smile now
Such childish behavior
Who is your savior

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I have no idea who the guy's savior is, but I'm not sure if I should, or if I should care.

So while I'm not sure what it all means, the upshot is I really like it anyway. In fact I think it's terrific.

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Why would you not care, LCK!? Maybe it is so incredibly crucial, even the character is only just starting to realise its importance. smile.gif

I love this song, as I always do Lenny's songs...especially...

Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper View Post
Thunder rages
Spawned by the wind
That turned this page
And you know who it is
That through the ages
Has been your savior
So who is your savior now
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Very nice Leo.........................I really like the way it moves me into wondering "who is your savior, now" As I imagine, I'm glad you don't spell it out for me / us (good job). I rather like the lyric the way it is.
The music is sweet to the ears...a little unrehursed in parts, but a very nice balance of acoustics and electric.
Your vocal comes in sincere and convincing.....good stuff, man!! -Tom

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Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper

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I worry a bit, though, about the title/hook, even though I may not be able to change it. There are certain....possible implications...to such a title that I would ordinarily wish to avoid.

 

I think the implications are right up-front, and that allows it to work in the way you intended.
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Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer View Post
I think the implications are right up-front, and that allows it to work in the way you intended.
This is what I had hoped for.smile.gif

Quote Originally Posted by TTognaci View Post
a very nice balance of acoustics and electric.
Was striving for that as well. Thanks, Tom.wave.gif

Quote Originally Posted by LCK View Post
I have no idea who the guy's savior is, but I'm not sure if I should, or if I should care.
This is actually a very important point in a song like this. As the writer, I do know who his savior is. But as Tom pointed out, it is often better to leave a little mystery for the listeners to take away with them.

Quote Originally Posted by grace_slick View Post
Maybe it is so incredibly crucial, even the character is only just starting to realise its importance.
A very astute observation.

I often walk this line in my lyrics and I had hoped that this time I was able to keep the balance.cool.gif

Thanks, folks, for specifically addressing my concerns with this one.wave.gif
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I like the melody and the overall musical mood of the song. And generally, I like a lyric that doesn't hit me over the head. But in this case, I'm feeling like the basic metaphor is a bit too opaque. It sounds like you are not completely sure what it is supposed to mean. In my opinion, a vague lyric works when it focuses on imagery without trying to tell a story or make a point. But in this case, it sounds like you are trying to do one or both of those, so you might want to think about some possible meanings and then tweak the lyric such that the listener at least has a launching pad for jumping to his/her own conclusions.

But it does sound good - I think you're on the right track.

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I don't really know what it means, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. And more importantly, I really wanted to know, so I found myself listening harder for clues than I normally do.

I loved it entirely as is with on exception, the lick at 1:07 after "savoir fair". It was well placed and made sense, but it screams Lenny Special to anyone who has heard one of your songs before. I think a real simple solution would be to make the run descending instead. Everything else felt like it fit without calling too much attention to itself outside the framework of the song.

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Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper View Post
This song came on suddenly, The lyrics flowed freely and I caught them in a pretty raw form.

I worry a bit, though, about the title/hook, even though I may not be able to change it. There are certain....possible implications...to such a title that I would ordinarily wish to avoid. Perhaps there is another way to say this....

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11944626

Who is your savior now
Here on this island
Who is your savior
Why are you smiling
Who is your savior

You've been the rave for years
Up in your highlands
With all of your savoir faire
I see you're still smiling
So who is this savior

I wonder
If you
Really
Can live without
'Cause under
All of that peace of mind
Thunder rages
And there is no doubt
Who your savior is

Thunder rages
Spawned by the wind
That turned this page
And you know who it is
That through the ages
Has been your savior
So who is your savior now


instrumental

Here in this cave
Here on this island
Who is your savior
Look at that smile now
Such childish behavior
Who is your savior
boring.gif
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Hmmm.

Well... there are so many things I like about it. But some I don't. There are some very cool acoustic guitar rhythm motives that really spark up an interest. But the single note line electric stuff falls into such familiar territory with the same motive you've used in so many songs. I feel I'm lying if I don't mention it. Do you really want that same guitar lick in this song? With that much repetition? Does it really do something to support this melody and lyric? I'm going to say it doesn't. But if it does to you, does it to all the other songs you've used it in? I don't understand that. Why is that motive present in every one of your tunes. When you pull away from it, you're great, in my opinion. It feels a little like self sabotage.

And while I really loved a lot of the lyric, I found that the "mystery" was more of just a lack of really understanding what it is you're saying. I get to a degree what is being said, but never the less, walk away as a listener feeling a little betrayed and played.

So I'm going to be honest and say that I believe you're falling into a rut here. And it is a bit frustrating for me because I think the fix is so apparent. And necessary. I realize I'm bucking the common vibe but I think it needs to be said. And of course, YMMV.

Or not. smile.gif Cause you know I love ya, Len.

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Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight View Post
There are some very cool acoustic guitar rhythm motives ... the same motive you've used in so many songs ... Why is that motive present in every one of your tunes
I can see Lee's point of view. Personally, I like the song as is, but I think his advice (despite the misspelling of motif) is something that could bring your work to another level.

This is something I have to wrestle with a lot myself, particularly in my lyric writing.
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Quote Originally Posted by LCK View Post
I can see Lee's point of view. Personally, I like the song as is, but I think his advice (despite the misspelling of motif) is something that could bring your work to another level.

This is something I have to wrestle with a lot myself, particularly in my lyric writing.
And I think your post is good except for your mistaken belief that there is only one way to spell motif/motive. smile.gif

"In music, a motif or motive is a short musical idea..."
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Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight View Post
And I think your post is good except for your mistaken belief that there is only one way to spell motif/motive. smile.gif

"In music, a motif or motive is a short musical idea..."
Okay. My bad. But motif is still the preferred spelling.
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Quote Originally Posted by frankthomson View Post
boring.gif
Sleep well, my friend.cool.gifwave.gif

I love this place. There are lots of places to post songs and get that mutual appreciation thing going......not here. Here we are not afraid to say what we really think and because of that all who participate have become better songwriters.

You know that I write a lot of songs. Fact is, if I don't have something going I am not emotionally comfortable. So after the opus....and after a computer/studio upgrade, I needed to get a song going. So I plugged in the electric guitar and let things flow. Interestingly enough, the song ended up coming from a very personal place......so much so that I considered not posting it.

I know that I rely heavily on all those 'Lennyism'. Sigh........funny thing is, because of all of you I know how to not do that now. But....sometimes that comfort zone is just so......comfortable and secure.cool.gif

I probably won't be making any changes to this one. It served it's purpose for me and I'll just put it up on my page and move on. BUT.........these wonderfully honest critiques will stay close as I start the next one.

wave.gif
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Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper View Post
Sleep well, my friend.cool.gifwave.gif

I love this place. There are lots of places to post songs and get that mutual appreciation thing going......not here. Here we are not afraid to say what we really think and because of that all who participate have become better songwriters.

You know that I write a lot of songs. Fact is, if I don't have something going I am not emotionally comfortable. So after the opus....and after a computer/studio upgrade, I needed to get a song going. So I plugged in the electric guitar and let things flow. Interestingly enough, the song ended up coming from a very personal place......so much so that I considered not posting it.

I know that I rely heavily on all those 'Lennyism'. Sigh........funny thing is, because of all of you I know how to not do that now. But....sometimes that comfort zone is just so......comfortable and secure.cool.gif

I probably won't be making any changes to this one. It served it's purpose for me and I'll just put it up on my page and move on. BUT.........these wonderfully honest critiques will stay close as I start the next one.

wave.gif
I gotta say, you are a bigger man than I! I really wrestled with saying what I did but figure you asked us, so... but quite honestly, I feel uncomfortable saying those things. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. Kinda like telling Dylan he has a funny voice. He'd look at you and say... "Heeeyyy... whaaaoghgh suh sayyy whaagh?!"

But the way you accept it is so cool. I get a bit testy at times. smile.gif So Lenny on, my broham!
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But... ^^^ I still can't help but think there is a great song here. I know a lot of others think it is already there. That's cool. But man, I hear this and think... if it just this... and it didn't... that...

that's just me letting you know I think it's the dog's dangly bits in lots of ways.

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Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight View Post
But... ^^^ I still can't help but think there is a great song here. I know a lot of others think it is already there. That's cool. But man, I hear this and think... if it just this... and it didn't... that...

that's just me letting you know I think it's the dog's dangly bits in lots of ways.
You should cover it... and provide your own motive.

Speaking of Lenny's writing style... I can't even think like he writes. With all the stops and starts... I can't imagine ever playing that live! So hats off to him... and his moti-whatever...
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Quote Originally Posted by bee3 View Post
You should cover it... and provide your own motive.

Speaking of Lenny's writing style... I can't even think like he writes. With all the stops and starts... I can't imagine ever playing that live! So hats off to him... and his moti-whatever...
smile.gif well... good point. I wanna cover you too though!

Moti-whatever! I like it! I wish, and have tried, to find a better, less pretentious word that means the same thing. Believe me.
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Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight View Post
smile.gif well... good point. I wanna cover you too though!

Moti-whatever! I like it! I wish, and have tried, to find a better, less pretentious word that means the same thing. Believe me.
Huh? I think the word motif kicks ass, no matter how you spell it.
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Hmm, this is all quite interesting...

When does a person's own personal unique style change from being a positive, admired thing that sets them apart from others to being a perceived hindrance to their skill and talent in general? I guess that's a pretty subjective thing...

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Finally got round to this one and I think it's FANTASTIC.

Call it done my friend.

With regards to Lennys style of breaking up the flow with his guitar licks (which I do "sometimes" find distracting) I actually find it very nice in this track, it is used more subtly and is not distracting from the song in any way for me.

Great song, you have written so many good ones of late

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