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  • #31






    Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper
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    ...it is by far my favorite song of any I have written...




    +1.
    “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

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    • #32






      Quote Originally Posted by LCK
      View Post

      +1.




      +2. That's one of the first songs I heard when I started poking around this forum, and it really impressed the hell out of me. It's great.
      Originally Posted by danuniversal


      So, you give more importance to a few minutes of sex than to hours of delight coexisting with her, watching her, dreaming with her, playing with her, loving her...

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      • #33
        Hey Barry......I appreciate that.
        Leonard Scaper

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        • #34
          OK. I haven't read the comments yet. I prefer to give my first shot before i read what everybody else says. So here goes;



          Your verses work nice. There's something you do that is different. You have this melodic thing going, then you stop singing and let the instruments complete the melodic phrase. That is an interesting technique; especially in the first trip through the pattern. But it's begging for a vocal concluding version of the phrase at some point in the song. It's like you're missing the punch line of your story by never completing the phrase vocally. It might be nice to save it until the end or some poigniant place and sing it. But it seems a little unfocused by never having the voice complete the phrase. And you're missing the opportunity to say something important when the melody is strong.



          Other than that, I'd say you dance around the savior thing nicely but never bring it home. It's like an inside story that only the singer and the person he's singing to are supposed to understand. That's leaves us schlemiels in the rest of the listening world feel like we're not a part of the story. Like we're eavesdropping on a conversation we're not supposed to hear. Which is a nice lyric writing technique, if you explain enough tid-bits of the story so the listener can piece something together. But from what I read and hear, I don't have a clue what's going on.
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
          http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
          http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

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          • #35






            Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper
            View Post

            . . . , Fact is, if I don't have something going I am not emotionally comfortable. . . . ,








            I like that.
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
            http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
            http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

            Comment


            • #36






              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
              View Post

              But... ^^^ I still can't help but think there is a great song here. I know a lot of others think it is already there. That's cool. But man, I hear this and think... if it just this... and it didn't... that... . . . ,




              +1
              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
              http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
              http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

              Comment


              • #37
                So Lenny... we've addressed your motif tendencies... now can we talk about the wave thing?



                Let me introduce you to some other emoticons to expand your pallet. Meet . He's pretty cool and can help convey a number of different emotions you may be feeling.



                Then there's . This guy is not that versatile, but can jump right in and let us know when you agree...



                I'd stay away from though... I think B2B has a thing for him.



                Finally, I'm partial to this guy: He's just very... cool.









                And of course, I'm just you.

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                • #38
                  Lovely, truly a lovely piece.



                  Rick
                  www.rickdieffenbach.com.

                  Comment


                  • #39






                    Quote Originally Posted by bee3
                    View Post

                    So Lenny... we've addressed your motif tendencies... now can we talk about the wave thing?



                    Let me introduce you to some other emoticons to expand your pallet. Meet . He's pretty cool and can help convey a number of different emotions you may be feeling.



                    Then there's . This guy is not that versatile, but can jump right in and let us know when you agree...



                    I'd stay away from though... I think B2B has a thing for him.



                    Finally, I'm partial to this guy: He's just very... cool.









                    And of course, I'm just you.




                    I see what you're doing. Oh you!



                    __________
                    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                    Jesus

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                    • #40
                      Ok I listened the read all the comments. On on hand I thought yeah kind of vague and some familiar riffage. Then the other points that loved it as it is made me mull it over. Don't get me wrong I drew some initial thoughts of my own first. I was really wanting to know who is the Savoir. It kept me in suspense and although no total resolution in the end I was left satisfied. I really like some vagueness once in awhile and in fact do in some of my songs, but get hit with that I need to be more direct. You pulled it off and a I love the song. I would keep using your motif as it is unique and is a winning formula. I do suggest pushing the envelope a little more from time to time and explore more possibilities and increase your arsenal.

                      Nice work, it's a wrap

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                      • #41
                        Just home for a long hard day in the trenches and as I came into the kitchen I heard my songs coming from the laptop there. That seldom happens. I opened a beer and listened as well....keeping Oswlek's insight about repetitive motifs firmly in mind.



                        Anyway......









                        Quote Originally Posted by Marshal
                        View Post

                        There's something you do that is different. You have this melodic thing going, then you stop singing and let the instruments complete the melodic phrase.




                        I'm glad that you picked that up. This song started with a musical inspiration and I tried very hard to let the music mirror the vocal hook quite often.









                        Quote Originally Posted by Marshal
                        View Post

                        Like we're eavesdropping on a conversation we're not supposed to hear.




                        That is truly the case with this one and I want it to feel that way.









                        Quote Originally Posted by Mahuska
                        View Post

                        I drew some initial thoughts of my own first.




                        To me this is huge.



                        I want to leave enough unsaid in my songs that the listener can fill in the blanks for him/herself. I want to write stuff that is universal while still getting to that universal place by using very specific ....motifs.









                        Quote Originally Posted by bee3
                        View Post

                        So Lenny... we've addressed your motif tendencies... now can we talk about the wave thing?




                        We certainly can.



                        Hey, Rick...thank you, my friend.
                        Leonard Scaper

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