Guns Guns Guns

[RickDieffenbach]

POST 20 has finished lyrics

 

HERE'S THE VIDEO:

http://youtu.be/jsT3de-EUXU

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song demo:

 

All comments appreciated. (Recommend only music related!)

 

I hope I did not rip some of the melody off. It was too easy.

 

 

Guns Guns Guns

©2012 Rick Dieffenbach

 

V1:

I love my gun, don't take it away

I'll fight to the death to hear my bang bang play

 

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

 

V2:

My AR 15.... it makes me smile

It can kill a home intruder at half a mile

It makes home defense.... all worth while

 

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

Guns....

 

V3:

The gun lobby, they got a plan

We should arm all the teachers in the land

Those liberals don't understand

 

Bridge:

Guns make me happy

Guns make me glad

and they come in real handy

for those who go mad

 

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

 

V4:

You can sue McDonald's... for scalding tea

But you can't sue a single gun company

The politicians did that for you and me (in 2005)

 

Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns

 

Guns guns guns

Guns GD guns

[oldgitplayer]

Happiness is a warm gun (bang bang shoot shoot).......

I'll listen later

[Monkey Uncle]

I'm still trying to decide whether I like the contrast of the straight-up happy music with the darkly sarcastic subject matter. Not sure if it would work better with just a bit of edge on the music. Or maybe just a little snarl in your vocal delivery? I don't know; it might be worth a try.

Lyrically, I think you did a pretty good job of being sarcastically clever. Here are a few things that didn't strike me quite right:

-- "bang bang" sounds a little too juvenile. Maybe substitute the name of a particular gun here?

-- "The gun lobby, they got a plan." The rest of the song is told from the first person perspective of a member of the gun lobby, so it sounds strange to suddenly refer to the gun lobby in the third person. Maybe "my NRA buddies, they got a plan," or "me and my buddies, we got a plan."

-- the word "liberals" is a little boring. I'd go for something more derogatory here; "pinko hippies" or something similar.

-- "You can sue McDonald's... for scalding tea." You've got a bit of a factual problem here; McDonald's was sued for hot coffee, not tea. I don't patronize Micky D's very much, but I don't think they even sell hot tea. Just substituting the word "coffee" wouldn't work because the accent is on the wrong syllable. So, you might have to re-write that whole line.

-- The repetition of "guns, guns, guns" gets to be a bit much for me. I get what you're going for (I think), and I wouldn't suggest eliminating all that repetition, but it would be a little easier on the ears if you threw in a few adjectives, or maybe an "I love my guns" here and there.

I think you're mostly on the mark with this one, Rick (pun intended). I think it can work with just a little massaging.

Almost forgot - I really like this:

My AR 15.... it makes me smile
It can kill a home intruder at half a mile
It makes home defense.... all worth while

IMHO, the sarcastic tone is perfect in that verse.

[RickDieffenbach]

Thanks Monkey.

Many good points - but a few counter points.

McD's was sued for hot coffee; but you CAN sue them for hot tea. The point to the line is that you can sue McD's. Factually, it is therefore correct. And it rhymes.

I chopped out about 40% of guns guns guns in the last hour or so, and built the effects out a bit more.

I did originally have "NRA", but did not want to get sued. So it got changed to the more generic Gun Lobby.

I LOVE the idea of strengthing the "liberals" line! Thank you!

'appreciate the feedback.

I'll be massaging more today as feedback comes.

Rick

[dramey]

I agree with Monky on everything, though I love the contrast of the pop song and the message. Your voice works great on this too. The bang bang, doesn't trip my trigger.

My AR 15.... it makes me smile
It can kill a home intruder at half a mile

Genius, wish I'd have thought of it.

I have thought of writing something similar but one, my opinion on gun control (but not guns themselves, hate them) changes almost daily and B, it always comes off too serious and preachy. You solve that whole problem with the tone of the song.

Good stuff, but then I am a huge fan of sarcasm in general.

[LCK]

I like it.

I think it may be a little too on the nose, though. It might be interesting to write it almost as if it were really coming from Ted Nugent's (eg.) point of view.

I heard the news. Man, it's really a shame.
Some sick dude loaded up and took aim.
Still I don't believe that guns are to blame.

No! Guns, guns, guns.
Man, we need our guns.
How else are we gonna protect ourselves
when the next sicko comes?

My AR 15, man, it makes me smile.
I could tag a sicko at half a mile.
Protect our schools commando style.

Something like that...

[Lee Knight]

I like the whole slant and everything. I think making some arrangement additions might really play up the irony of the lyric against the musical vibe. Some drunken Dylan trombones or some tack piano or some background singer wahoowahoo wahs! Or some sloppy lazy slide. Something to really drive home that descending into lunacy feel of the music. Drunkenly stumbling into hell singing GUNS, GUNS, GUNS!

Very cool Mr. D

[rhino55]

Originally Posted by RickDieffenbach

Thanks Monkey.

Many good points - but a few counter points.

McD's was sued for hot coffee; but you CAN sue them for hot tea. The point to the line is that you can sue McD's. Factually, it is therefore correct. And it rhymes.

I chopped out about 40% of guns guns guns in the last hour or so, and built the effects out a bit more.

I did originally have "NRA", but did not want to get sued. So it got changed to the more generic Gun Lobby.

I LOVE the idea of strengthing the "liberals" line! Thank you!

'appreciate the feedback.

I'll be massaging more today as feedback comes.

Rick

Technically speaking, you can sue McD's for anything you want if you can find a lawyer that thinks they can make money from the case. I think you might have a hard time suing over a hot beverage because the cups now have warnings to protect the company from lawsuits.

If you want ALOT of people to hear your song, I'd keep NRA. If they sued, you would be guaranteed a global audience.

[oldgitplayer]

I agree that the lyric is too on the nose - too precise and factual.
It could work better being flippant with this deadly serious subject. Maybe something along these lines :

They'll shoot you when you're learning stuff at school
They'll shoot you when you're shopping in the mall
They'll shoot you when you're out just having fun
You never know when your time has come
As long as there are crazies loose with guns

[RickDieffenbach]

Oh... ah... yes... factual... less likely to sue... so here will be it:

V3:
The NRA, they got a plan
Put guns in every school across the land
The bleeding heart liberals can't understand

Oh.. Lee.. I love teh idea of drunken music to go with this. I wanted this to be very insane. Thanks. I'll get right to work.

[Oswlek]

Woah! That bizarre open really grabbed me and I was expecting something totally different than the pleasant bee-bop tune that followed. You'd won me over by the end, but I'd love to hear more off-the-wall {censored} like in the open.

FWIW regarding McDonalds, even though it was a remarkably stupid case and every idiot knows hot coffee is, well, hot, they actually had to settle because they unfortunately had their burners up too hot that morning (and probably others as well).

I've been a big proponent of instituting a Common Sense Court that all suits have to pass through, and this is one of reasons for it. Simply having a minor technicality on your side shouldn't be enough when every idiot in the world knows coffee and crotches don't make a good marriage.

[RickDieffenbach]

Drunk starting at 1:30.... Thanks Lee.

Oswek - I am hoping to add more bazaar.

LCK, Git, have to think on the lyrics.

Rick

[Marshal]

I like a lot of it. Though Oldgit points out that Lennon trumped this topic some time ago.

A couple things came to mind as I listened:

I wanted: I'll fight to the death to hear that bang bang play ("My" just seemed silly to my ear)

And: for those who do go mad (I wanted the sylables to match the melody.)

It can kill a home intruder at half a mile is good. But I wanted something somewhere about the fact the gun is designed to take out scores of people. It can take out an army at half a mile? In gun lingo, you don't kill somebody. You take them out. Or blow their {censored} away. That's the way militarists talk. Only wimpy pacifists actually talk about killing somebody.

And the gun shots are too real in your audio. Better to have a snare drum to the gun discharges. You want to draw your listener into the song, not bludgeon them with negative sonic images before you even get started.

[rhino55]

I think V2 is brilliant.

The only one I'm not sold on is V4. I'd like to see more of that V2 attitude... Maybe saying something about shooting a deer with a 45. I'd put that in place of what is now V3 and slide it to the V4 position.

[Lee Knight]

^^^ Yes, V2 is funny. Tragic funny.

[RickDieffenbach]

Rhino - you nailed me. You absolutely nailed me. Caught me. LCK always says, take what is most important to you and cut it out. V4 is that for me. The whole reason for the song actually. But you are right. It is not as biting as V4 needs to be. Thought I could sneak one by... guess not.

Marshall - I like THAT that you suggested. It is stronger. Thank you. Will be implementing. Also go mad line.

Not sure about the army or group thing. You are right, of course on the capability of the gun. But I think I will stick with the individual home intruder, if only because it is more absurd.

Thanks!

[bee3]

Love it and haven't even listened yet. That verse 2 is a killer.

[Marshal]

 

Originally Posted by RickDieffenbach

Not sure about the army or group thing. You are right, of course on the capability of the gun. But I think I will stick with the individual home intruder, if only because it is more absurd.

 

Of course you should do what you think is right. But I thought using home in the second line and home in the 3rd line is redundant sonically. I was thinking using the army reference in the second line gives more power (juxtaposition, humor) to the home reference in the third line. Like; your home is ever going to be invaded by an army?

[blue2blue]

My gun, singular? Something tells me the protag would have a rack of 'em.

Some good lines, best is clearly the one about being able to kill a home intruder at half a mile.

[RickDieffenbach]

Whew... thank you my friends for your assist. Many of you will see changes you suggested, or, were clearly an outgrowth of what you suggested.

The song is much smaller, and I think, tighter now.


Guns Guns Guns
©2013 Rick Dieffenbach (Bring in the new year...)


V1:
My AR 15.... it makes me smile
It can kill a home intruder at half a mile
It makes home defense.... all worth while

Guns guns guns
Guns guns guns

V2:
The NRA, they got a plan
Put guns in every school across the land
those pinko liberals won't understand

Bridge:
Guns make me happy
Guns make me glad
and they come in real handy
for those who have gone mad

[instrumental]

Guns guns guns
Guns guns guns

V3:
I heard the news. Man, it's really a shame.
Some sick dude loaded up and then he took aim.
Those against more guns are clearly to blame


Guns guns guns
Guns guns guns

Guns guns guns
Guns GD guns

[Oswlek]

Awesome.

[LCK]

Pretty damn good! I love the chords in the chorus...

I still prefer "I could tag a home intruder at half a mile..."

[Monkey Uncle]

Sounds really good, Rick. The realistic-sounding gunshots right after the "gone mad" line made me pretty uncomfortable. And I think that's exactly what you want this song to do.

I've gotten over my ambivalence about the straight-up happy-pop tune. I think it works.

[shreddhappy27]

That's pretty cool. Good job.

[RickDieffenbach]

Thank you all. I am most gratified.