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  • #31
    Ok couple of ideas after LCK's input



    what do you say?



    If you're lonely

    Then it seems you do not know me

    I've been hanging round forever

    Only to find

    I am never in your arms

    And never on your mind



    If you're lonely

    Reach out your hand and hold me

    For a million days won't matter

    If you don't see

    That a million dreams will shatter

    If I leave



    Life is like a rollercoaster running out of steam

    First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween

    If you don't want to take this ride alone then let it show

    I guess that lonely, is the only thing you know



    It's the only thing you know

    As the lonesome rivers flow

    And the crying winds they blow

    It seems that lonely is the only thing you know



    Life is like a carousel

    That's spinning out of time

    its easier to take the lows

    than try and chance the climb

    if you just want to take this ride alone

    then let me go

    I guess that lonely is the only thing you know

    Comment


    • #32
      It's all good Stick, but I've never been comfortable with the mixing of metaphors as follows:



      Life is like a rollercoaster running out of steam

      First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




      'running out of steam' is a metaphor that just doesn't sit comfortably with the 'ups and downs' of a rollercoaster.

      Why not try a different abstract idea altogether like :



      Life is like a rollercoaster running on a dream - (riding on a dream)

      First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




      or something........



      I do prefer LCK's suggestion of spinning us through time It just makes more sense.
      'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
      CHARLIE PARKER

      Comment


      • #33






        Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
        View Post

        It's all good Stick, but I've never been comfortable with the mixing of metaphors as follows:



        Life is like a rollercoaster running out of steam

        First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




        'running out of steam' is a metaphor that just doesn't sit comfortably with the 'ups and downs' of a rollercoaster.

        Why not try a different abstract idea altogether like :



        Life is like a rollercoaster running on a dream - (riding on a dream)

        First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




        or something........



        I do prefer LCK's suggestion of spinning us through time It just makes more sense.




        I love ^running on a dream^.



        Anyway, I love this. What I love about your tunes is you usually have a nugget of an idea, a twist or payoff or... something that the song hangs on nicely. Here, it is the title, Lonely is the only thing you know, that is always in contrast with your dream of being with her. It's that intuitive knack you have of the subtle payoff.



        One possible change might be to not have you be so sure, so early in the song that lonely is the only thing she knows...



        Life is like a rollercoaster running on a dream

        First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween

        If you don't want to take this ride alone then let it show

        But maybe lonely, is the only thing you know



        And then, of course, to seal the deal in the next B section, that you now do think that it is then maybe the only thing she knows.
        __________
        Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
        Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
        Jesus

        Comment


        • #34






          Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
          View Post

          It's all good Stick, but I've never been comfortable with the mixing of metaphors as follows:



          Life is like a rollercoaster running out of steam

          First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween








          'running out of steam' is a metaphor that just doesn't sit comfortably with the 'ups and downs' of a rollercoaster.

          Why not try a different abstract idea altogether like :



          Life is like a rollercoaster running on a dream - (riding on a dream)

          First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




          or something........



          I do prefer LCK's suggestion of spinning us through time It just makes more sense.




          Agreed...

          Comment


          • #35






            Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
            View Post

            It's all good Stick, but I've never been comfortable with the mixing of metaphors as follows:



            Life is like a rollercoaster running out of steam

            First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




            'running out of steam' is a metaphor that just doesn't sit comfortably with the 'ups and downs' of a rollercoaster.

            Why not try a different abstract idea altogether like :



            Life is like a rollercoaster running on a dream - (riding on a dream)

            First you have the ups and downs and then the inbetween




            or something........



            I do prefer LCK's suggestion of spinning us through time It just makes more sense.




            Hmm interesting - people seem sold on your "running on a dream" for me, a dream is a good thing so if the rollercoaster was running on a dream it would all be positive.



            my initial meaning, i know rollercoasters dont literally run out of steam (like an old train) but for me ANYTHING running out of steam is slowing down and struggling.... hence at first you have the ups and downs and as it runs out of steam (power/interest/hope/whatever) you are just stuck with the inbetween (going nowhere)



            I assume that is not clear (to anyone)

            Comment


            • #36






              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
              View Post



              One possible change might be to not have you be so sure, so early in the song that lonely is the only thing she knows...



              If you don't want to take this ride alone then let it show

              But maybe lonely, is the only thing you know




              Thanks Lee - this will definitely go in



              I am still unsure about changing that "running out of steam" line - hmmmmm

              Comment


              • #37
                What are your initial thoughts on this demo (V3)



                http://picosong.com/3KBT/



                I cant decide if I am now taking it in the wrong direction



                (probably)

                Comment


                • #38
                  Passing by at speed. GREAT!



                  Well... you know me. Screw the modest production, I love that. GREAT. GREAT. GREAT.
                  __________
                  Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                  Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                  Jesus

                  Comment


                  • #39






                    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                    View Post

                    Passing by at speed. GREAT!



                    Well... you know me. Screw the modest production, I love that. GREAT. GREAT. GREAT.




                    So you think the BIGGER production is working, I mean yeh it sounds quite nice but is it distracting from the song



                    This is still a demo so its still a little rusty but I am just seeking thoughts on new lyrics (do you need them typing?) and the way its going musically?

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      For me, this is the direction you should go. Others may disagree, but yes, I really love this treatment. It does not detract from the lyric, it focuses in on it. That's my perspective. Sure, you could tone down the compressed drums, dial back the velocities to create a more intimate drummer's take, turn the room sound down, etc... or not. I really like the way this works as you have it. IT took me a bit by surprise but I was smiling at the same time. I like it.



                      Sure, show the lyrics. Do I have that right? Passing by at speed?
                      __________
                      Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                      Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                      Jesus

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Hmm cool ok - I am still unsure on the bigger sound but I will have a play and see



                        If you're lonely

                        Then it seems you do not know me

                        I've been hanging round forever

                        Only to find

                        I am never in your arms

                        And never on your mind



                        If you're lonely

                        Reach out your hand and hold me

                        For a million days won't matter

                        If you don't see

                        That a million dreams will shatter

                        If I leave



                        Life is like a rollercoaster PASSING BY AT SPEED

                        YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE ups and downs BEFORE YOU CAN PROCEED

                        If you don't want to take this ride alone then let it show

                        MAYBE lonely, is the only thing you know



                        It's the only thing you know

                        As the lonesome rivers flow

                        And the crying winds they blow

                        It seems that lonely is the only thing you know



                        Life is like a carousel

                        That's spinning out of time

                        its easier to take the lows

                        than try and chance the climb

                        if you just want to take this ride alone

                        then let me go

                        I guess that lonely is the only thing you know

                        Comment


                        • #42






                          Quote Originally Posted by stickboymusic
                          View Post

                          Hmm cool ok - I am still unsure on the bigger sound but I will have a play and see



                          If you're lonely

                          Then it seems you do not know me

                          I've been hanging round forever

                          Only to find

                          I am never in your arms

                          And never on your mind



                          If you're lonely

                          Reach out your hand and hold me

                          For a million days won't matter

                          If you don't see

                          That a million dreams will shatter

                          If I leave



                          Life is like a rollercoaster PASSING BY AT SPEED

                          YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE ups and downs BEFORE YOU CAN PROCEED

                          If you don't want to take this ride alone then let it show

                          MAYBE lonely, is the only thing you know



                          It's the only thing you know

                          As the lonesome rivers flow

                          And the crying winds they blow

                          It seems that lonely is the only thing you know



                          Life is like a carousel

                          That's spinning out of time

                          its easier to take the lows

                          than try and chance the climb

                          if you just want to take this ride alone

                          then let me go

                          I guess that lonely is the only thing you know




                          I love the lyric. Your changes really tie it together nicely. And... of course a more modest and intimate arrangement would work very well. Yes. But I do like this. It counteracts the somber, bordering on morose, feel that the original phone demo had. I felt that that tone, along with the lyric, was dragging it down.



                          I'm wrong everyday so... . Take it all with massive spoonfuls of salt.
                          __________
                          Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                          Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                          Jesus

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Wow, the latest version is really good. Like, a hundred times better than the initial demo. Lee is right about the arrangement giving it a big lift. Personally, I would take out about half of the cymbal crashes. Not eliminate them entirely, but just use them as occasional punctuation. But I don't know squat about arrangement and production, so take that comment with a grain of salt.
                            Beware of deepities.-- Daniel Dennett

                            Comment


                            • #44






                              Quote Originally Posted by Monkey Uncle
                              View Post

                              Wow, the latest version is really good. Like, a hundred times better than the initial demo. Lee is right about the arrangement giving it a big lift. Personally, I would take out about half of the cymbal crashes. Not eliminate them entirely, but just use them as occasional punctuation. But I don't know squat about arrangement and production, so take that comment with a grain of salt.




                              No I think you are quite correct - I just quickly mapped a drum idea, some of the fills need sorting (taking away) and yes those cymbals are a little too big at the mo..... so I guess this may be the right direction just need to tame it down a little - thanks

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                I'd take away most of the cymbal crashes, they are in my opinion, distracting... but I do like the bigger production, which should come as no surprise.

                                Comment













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