Members stickboymusic Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Hello Well I wanted to do something more upbeat so whacked a few chords down, wrote a few lines, added some stuff.... one hour...done It's pretty short and some of the lyrics you may think are filler (do let me know) Sometimes these little nuggets just fall out when it is done quickly (after spending HOURS on that bloomin last one) Oh and its pretty short (read as VERY short)http://soundcloud.com/stickboy/i-hop...-you-soon-demo I hope I see you soon. There's a wicked wind a blowin through the city tonight and it's turnin everthing to ruin right before my eyes I just hope that you'll remember my name and hold me like a candle holds a flame And theres a desert heat a brewin strong and angry at my feet and the sound of distant drummers tryin to hammer out a beat I just hope you will forgive me for my shame and hold me like a candle holds a flame Cos there's a sweetness in the way you kiss my lips and theres a sweetness in everything you do This wicked wind may take me and blow me to the moon Oh darlin I hope I see you soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by stickboymusic HelloWell I wanted to do something more upbeat so whacked a few chords down, wrote a few lines, added some stuff.... one hour...doneIt's pretty short and some of the lyrics you may think are filler (do let me know)Sometimes these little nuggets just fall out when it is done quickly (after spending HOURS on that bloomin last one)Oh and its pretty short (read as VERY short)http://soundcloud.com/stickboy/i-hop...-you-soon-demoI hope I see you soon.There's a wicked wind a blowin through the city tonightand it's turnin everthing to ruinright before my eyesI just hope that you'll remember my nameand hold me like a candle holds a flameAnd theres a desert heat a brewin strong and angry at my feetand the sound of distant drummerstryin to hammer out a beatI just hope you will forgive me for my shameand hold me like a candle holds a flameCos there's a sweetness in the way you kiss my lipsand theres a sweetness in everything you doThis wicked wind may take me and blow me to the moonOh darlin I hope I see you soon It's frickin' great, man. It think it still needs a little bit of work, but I love it so far.I think the title should be "Like a Candle Holds a Flame." Are you planning to write a third verse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by LCK It's frickin' great, man. It think it still needs a little bit of work, but I love it so far.I think the title should be "Like a Candle Holds a Flame." Are you planning to write a third verse? I wasnt planning on anything..... but yeh I can hear a third verse, harmonica solo, back to chorus ....and use the way the chorus ends now for the final chorus so no repeats on first chorus.I know for a fact that when i record it again in full i will lose some of the magic of this haphazard demo but such is life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 This And theres a desert heat a brewin strong and angry at my feet Should probably say And theres a desert heat a BURNIN strong and angry at my feet yes? Anything else jumping out so far? I was wondering if I need to link the candle thing to the chorus? Burnin out left in smoke put out on fire whatever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted January 8, 2013 Moderators Share Posted January 8, 2013 DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKING FORUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THESE FREAKING FORUM ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love your song. Had a bunch of pertinent input. Gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by Lee Knight DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKING FORUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THESE FREAKING FORUM ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Love your song. Had a bunch of pertinent input. Gone. I write my replypress select all - press copypress replywhen it failsrefresh and pastenot ideal I knowIf you do have time and you had any more input then please try again when you can Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 He's back!! Very nice melody. Looks like AABA without the last A. Finish it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted January 8, 2013 Moderators Share Posted January 8, 2013 Sheesh. The candle thing. I love it. Flames burn people, and yet, this girl didn't get burned. Maybe you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by stickboymusic ThisAnd theres a desert heat a brewin strong and angry at my feetShould probably sayAnd theres a desert heat a BURNINstrong and angry at my feetyes?Anything else jumping out so far?I was wondering if I need to link the candle thing to the chorus? Burnin outleft in smokeput outon firewhatever I don't think you need to link the candle thing to the chorus (which I see as a bridge). But that's your call. I like the new lines for the 2nd verse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by stickboymusic I write my replypress select all - press copypress replywhen it failsrefresh and pastenot ideal I knowIf you do have time and you had any more input then please try again when you can You should try my method that I outlined in my 15% thread.Love the song Stick... the way the bass comes in is inspiring. I need to do more stuff like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 The other option is to use my alternate forum. Just sayin'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted January 8, 2013 Moderators Share Posted January 8, 2013 The reason I suggest going AABAB instead of AABA is because the title occurs in an odd place for a AABA. It would feel like it should be called "like a candle holds a flame". Breaking from traditional form is great, but here, I don't good reason to. So the title placement feels weird. Or go AABA and change title? I sort of like redirecting and clarifying the lyrics to highlight the flame/burn concept then really honing the build to I Hope I see You Soon as a sort of way understated sentiment. He's found the one who can hod him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon. That's a possible slant on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted January 8, 2013 Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by Lee Knight He's found the one who can hold him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon. That's a possible slant on this. That's great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by Lee Knight The reason I suggest going AABAB instead of AABA is because the title occurs in an odd place for a AABA. It would feel like it should be called "like a candle holds a flame". Breaking from traditional form is great, but here, I don't good reason to. So the title placement feels weird. Or go AABA and change title? I sort of like redirecting and clarifying the lyrics to highlight the flame/burn concept then really honing the build to I Hope I see You Soon as a sort of way understated sentiment. He's found the one who can hod him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon. That's a possible slant on this. Cool cool some great thoughts here - will work on this over next few days - thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 8, 2013 Originally Posted by Lee Knight The reason I suggest going AABAB instead of AABA is because the title occurs in an odd place for a AABA. It would feel like it should be called "like a candle holds a flame". Breaking from traditional form is great, but here, I don't good reason to. So the title placement feels weird. Or go AABA and change title? I sort of like redirecting and clarifying the lyrics to highlight the flame/burn concept then really honing the build to I Hope I see You Soon as a sort of way understated sentiment. He's found the one who can hod him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon. That's a possible slant on this. Cool cool some great thoughts here - will work on this over next few days - thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 9, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 9, 2013 Ok - how does this sound I have moved a few things round, changed the bridge/chorus slightly and added a new verse. There's a wicked wind a blowin through the city tonight and it's turnin everything to ruin right before my eyes I just hope you will forgive me for my shame and hold me like a candle holds a flame And theres a desert heat a burnin strong and angry at my feet and the sound of distant drummers tryin to hammer out a beat I just hope that you'll remember my name and hold me like a candle holds a flame There's a weakness in the way you make me feel Cos theres a sweetness in everything you do This wicked wind may take me and blow me to the moon Oh darlin I hope I see you soon Oh darlin I hope I see you soon There Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 18, 2013 Author Members Share Posted January 18, 2013 Well here is the final recording to tie up this thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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