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Another demo just written

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  • Another demo just written

    Hello



    Well I wanted to do something more upbeat so whacked a few chords down, wrote a few lines, added some stuff.... one hour...done



    It's pretty short and some of the lyrics you may think are filler (do let me know)



    Sometimes these little nuggets just fall out when it is done quickly (after spending HOURS on that bloomin last one)



    Oh and its pretty short (read as VERY short)



    http://soundcloud.com/stickboy/i-hop...-you-soon-demo



    I hope I see you soon.



    There's a wicked wind a blowin through the city tonight

    and it's turnin everthing to ruin

    right before my eyes

    I just hope that you'll remember my name

    and hold me like a candle holds a flame



    And theres a desert heat a brewin

    strong and angry at my feet

    and the sound of distant drummers

    tryin to hammer out a beat

    I just hope you will forgive me for my shame

    and hold me like a candle holds a flame



    Cos there's a sweetness in the way you kiss my lips

    and theres a sweetness in everything you do

    This wicked wind may take me and blow me to the moon

    Oh darlin I hope I see you soon

  • #2






    Quote Originally Posted by stickboymusic
    View Post

    Hello



    Well I wanted to do something more upbeat so whacked a few chords down, wrote a few lines, added some stuff.... one hour...done



    It's pretty short and some of the lyrics you may think are filler (do let me know)



    Sometimes these little nuggets just fall out when it is done quickly (after spending HOURS on that bloomin last one)



    Oh and its pretty short (read as VERY short)



    http://soundcloud.com/stickboy/i-hop...-you-soon-demo



    I hope I see you soon.



    There's a wicked wind a blowin through the city tonight

    and it's turnin everthing to ruin

    right before my eyes

    I just hope that you'll remember my name

    and hold me like a candle holds a flame



    And theres a desert heat a brewin

    strong and angry at my feet

    and the sound of distant drummers

    tryin to hammer out a beat

    I just hope you will forgive me for my shame

    and hold me like a candle holds a flame



    Cos there's a sweetness in the way you kiss my lips

    and theres a sweetness in everything you do

    This wicked wind may take me and blow me to the moon

    Oh darlin I hope I see you soon




    It's frickin' great, man. It think it still needs a little bit of work, but I love it so far.



    I think the title should be "Like a Candle Holds a Flame."



    Are you planning to write a third verse?
    "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

    Comment


    • #3






      Quote Originally Posted by LCK
      View Post

      It's frickin' great, man. It think it still needs a little bit of work, but I love it so far.



      I think the title should be "Like a Candle Holds a Flame."



      Are you planning to write a third verse?




      I wasnt planning on anything..... but yeh I can hear a third verse, harmonica solo, back to chorus ....and use the way the chorus ends now for the final chorus so no repeats on first chorus.



      I know for a fact that when i record it again in full i will lose some of the magic of this haphazard demo but such is life

      Comment


      • #4
        This



        And theres a desert heat a brewin

        strong and angry at my feet



        Should probably say



        And theres a desert heat a BURNIN

        strong and angry at my feet



        yes?



        Anything else jumping out so far?



        I was wondering if I need to link the candle thing to the chorus?



        Burnin out

        left in smoke

        put out

        on fire

        whatever

        Comment


        • #5
          DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKING FORUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THESE FREAKING FORUM ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



          Love your song. Had a bunch of pertinent input. Gone.
          Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

          Comment


          • #6






            Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
            View Post

            DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKING FORUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THESE FREAKING FORUM ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



            Love your song. Had a bunch of pertinent input. Gone.




            I write my reply



            press select all - press copy





            press reply



            when it fails



            refresh and paste



            not ideal I know



            If you do have time and you had any more input then please try again when you can

            Comment


            • #7
              He's back!! Very nice melody. Looks like AABA without the last A. Finish it off.
              http://www.harmonycentral.com/forum/...ilies/snax.gif

              Comment


              • #8
                Sheesh.



                The candle thing. I love it. Flames burn people, and yet, this girl didn't get burned. Maybe you
                Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                Comment


                • #9






                  Quote Originally Posted by stickboymusic
                  View Post

                  This



                  And theres a desert heat a brewin

                  strong and angry at my feet



                  Should probably say



                  And theres a desert heat a BURNIN

                  strong and angry at my feet



                  yes?



                  Anything else jumping out so far?



                  I was wondering if I need to link the candle thing to the chorus?



                  Burnin out

                  left in smoke

                  put out

                  on fire

                  whatever




                  I don't think you need to link the candle thing to the chorus (which I see as a bridge). But that's your call.



                  I like the new lines for the 2nd verse.
                  "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

                  Comment


                  • #10






                    Quote Originally Posted by stickboymusic
                    View Post

                    I write my reply



                    press select all - press copy





                    press reply



                    when it fails



                    refresh and paste



                    not ideal I know



                    If you do have time and you had any more input then please try again when you can




                    You should try my method that I outlined in my 15% thread.



                    Love the song Stick... the way the bass comes in is inspiring. I need to do more stuff like that.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The other option is to use my alternate forum. Just sayin'....

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The reason I suggest going AABAB instead of AABA is because the title occurs in an odd place for a AABA. It would feel like it should be called "like a candle holds a flame". Breaking from traditional form is great, but here, I don't good reason to. So the title placement feels weird. Or go AABA and change title? I sort of like redirecting and clarifying the lyrics to highlight the flame/burn concept then really honing the build to I Hope I see You Soon as a sort of way understated sentiment. He's found the one who can hod him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon.



                        That's a possible slant on this.
                        Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

                        Comment


                        • #13






                          Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                          View Post

                          He's found the one who can hold him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon.



                          That's a possible slant on this.




                          That's great!
                          "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

                          Comment


                          • #14






                            Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                            View Post

                            The reason I suggest going AABAB instead of AABA is because the title occurs in an odd place for a AABA. It would feel like it should be called "like a candle holds a flame". Breaking from traditional form is great, but here, I don't good reason to. So the title placement feels weird. Or go AABA and change title? I sort of like redirecting and clarifying the lyrics to highlight the flame/burn concept then really honing the build to I Hope I see You Soon as a sort of way understated sentiment. He's found the one who can hod him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon.



                            That's a possible slant on this.




                            Cool cool some great thoughts here - will work on this over next few days - thanks

                            Comment


                            • #15






                              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                              View Post

                              The reason I suggest going AABAB instead of AABA is because the title occurs in an odd place for a AABA. It would feel like it should be called "like a candle holds a flame". Breaking from traditional form is great, but here, I don't good reason to. So the title placement feels weird. Or go AABA and change title? I sort of like redirecting and clarifying the lyrics to highlight the flame/burn concept then really honing the build to I Hope I see You Soon as a sort of way understated sentiment. He's found the one who can hod him without being burned, you bet he hopes he sees her soon.



                              That's a possible slant on this.




                              Cool cool some great thoughts here - will work on this over next few days - thanks

                              Comment



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