Members rsadasiv Posted January 28, 2013 Members Share Posted January 28, 2013 Hey StephenDon't stay cooped up in the houseGet outside once a dayIt's ok to talk to strangersBut don't trust what they sayAnd if you're not comfortableIf your mind is going astrayAsk the little voice insideIs this really insane? And if it is, that's okJust say you have to goWalk, don't run, and call my cellWhen you get back home.You've made lots of progressI'm really proud of youTake your meds and trust your friendsWe're here to help you through. Argh, here it comes againI don't like the way this feelsHere it comes againHere it comesHere it comes Why did you say that?That's just insane.Why did you do that?That's just insane.Why did you think that?I'm going insane. If you are, that's okJust say you have to goWalk, don't run, and call my cellWhen you get back home.You've made lots of progressI'm really proud of youTake your meds and trust your friendsWe're here to help you through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted January 28, 2013 Members Share Posted January 28, 2013 rsadasiv wrote: Hey Stephen Don't stay cooped up in the house ... We're here to help you through. I think you're on to something good here.However, I think that when you set up three open-A rhymes in a row -- day, say, astray -- and then end that series on an A-sound followed by a consonant -- insane -- it's a bit jarring.Maybe it's just the use of the word insane, which may be a bit too on-the-nose.But again, it's nice work, an interesting topic told in a kind off off-center way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted January 28, 2013 Members Share Posted January 28, 2013 LCK wrote: rsadasiv wrote: Hey Stephen Don't stay cooped up in the house ... We're here to help you through. I think you're on to something good here. However, I think that when you set up three open-A rhymes in a row -- day, say, astray -- and then end that series on an A-sound followed by a consonant -- insane -- it's a bit jarring. Maybe it's just the use of the word insane, which may be a bit too on-the-nose. But again, it's nice work, an interesting topic told in a kind off off-center way.I think it could work if you really streched out the A-sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted February 1, 2013 Members Share Posted February 1, 2013 Is there a link to the song? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted February 5, 2013 Members Share Posted February 5, 2013 I like it. The very beginning of the chorus has a great flow to it and you can feel the lift even without music. The "take your meds" line felt a little too on-the-nose for me, but otherwise it hit home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.