Members grace_slick Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 I think I suck lately at this songwriting stuff, but here we go...http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12166381 Watch Out For Those Hearts It isn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 This is great I am not sure you have nailed the production ideas When it started out I was so drawn in - great melody, vocals ace as ever but then them drums and stuff came in and it was really distracting. Maybe keep it simple or bring some shaker in or something or save the build for later in the song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 stickboymusic wrote: This is great I am not sure you have nailed the production ideas When it started out I was so drawn in - great melody, vocals ace as ever but then them drums and stuff came in and it was really distracting. Maybe keep it simple or bring some shaker in or something or save the build for later in the song I have to agree that the drums are really distracting, the tune is pining for some authentic drumming. I absolutely LOVE the second "la la" part around the 0:40 mark and was disappointed when the song never went back in that direction. The minor change immediately aterward took me by surprising (in a not pleasant way) on the first listen but it didn't seem nearly as harsh on subsequent listens. To my ears, "And I seem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peanutroad Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 Pretty much love it. Also pretty much agree with the remarks on the production. I was hearing this in my head done with a 60s pop sound, a la Petula Clark or something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 There's a really good song in there. If it were my song, I would feel like it needs at least one section cut out, and an existing section made into a repeating chorus that comes around a couple of times at least. To tighten it up and make it easier to remember and catch right off on the first listen. And then maybe bring back some section that was cut as a fade-out coda or something. Yeah, when you shift from the bouncy strum-only section into the backing drums and all, there's a pretty big jar there...maybe shorten the strum-only startup section, give a pause, then kick in with the full band. Don't think you need the lala section in the strum-only part, either. But like I said, you've definitely got a good song, just needs a little cutting, re-arranging, and splicing into a bit more standard pop tune set of sections. At least that's what I would do fwiw. nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 grace_slick wrote: Watch Out For Those Hearts It isn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grace_slick Posted February 15, 2013 Author Members Share Posted February 15, 2013 Hmmmm...I'm very pleased to read all these comments.I woke up thinking about this song, and realised I wanted to go back to the initial first verse melody instead of the change I did in the second verse. I LIKE that melody but it's like a different song or something coming in...doesn't quite fit. The reason I did that was because after the chorus, I couldn't remember the first verse melody anymore! I just couldn't get it to stay in my head, and it's not because it was crap or anything, but rather, because the pre-chorus and the chorus were so...unmatched with the first part of the song that it was hard to switch my ear back to that first part. So do I want the first part or the second part (chorus parts) to BE the song? And I want the first part, definitely.I also realised my initial inspiration for this song has NOT been followed very well (for technical reasons, as usual for me). I didn't want those drums in there but the guitar part in the beginning just didn't sound how I envisioned it in my head, so I felt I had to compensate for that...and then came the drums, which changed the whole rhythm of the song to something I didn't like. Ugh!Anyway, I will be back with a re-work of this.Thanks guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted February 19, 2013 Members Share Posted February 19, 2013 LCK wrote: The opening sections are fantastic. The shift into minor modality is okay for a little while, but gets old fast. My ear kept wanting to go back to those opening phrases and feelings.I guess I agree. The verses and pre-chorus are fabulous. (Though I like the simples strummed ones better than the tambourine). The minor mode on the chorus and the downer cast to that is a little disconcerting. Probably just too long. Tension and release. I was waiting for the release of the major melody. It comes, but as a listener I think it lingered a little long on the minor. The minor is a nice counterpoint to the major. But the major chords are the song. They tell all the story the listener needs to know. But nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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