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Watch Out For Those Hearts

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  • Watch Out For Those Hearts

    I think I suck lately at this songwriting stuff, but here we go...

    http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12166381

     

    Watch Out For Those Hearts

     

    It isn

    All things must pass...

  • #2

    This is great

     

    I am not sure you have nailed the production ideas

     

    When it started out I was so drawn in - great melody, vocals ace as ever but then them drums and stuff came in and it was really distracting.

     

    Maybe keep it simple or bring some shaker in or something

     

    or save the build for later in the song

     

     

    Comment


    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      stickboymusic wrote:

      This is great

       

      I am not sure you have nailed the production ideas

       

      When it started out I was so drawn in - great melody, vocals ace as ever but then them drums and stuff came in and it was really distracting.

       

      Maybe keep it simple or bring some shaker in or something

       

      or save the build for later in the song

       

       


      I have to agree that the drums are really distracting, the tune is pining for some authentic drumming.

       

      I absolutely LOVE the second "la la" part around the 0:40 mark and was disappointed when the song never went back in that direction.  The minor change immediately aterward took me by surprising (in a not pleasant way) on the first listen but it didn't seem nearly as harsh on subsequent listens.

       

      To my ears, "And I seem


  • #3

    Pretty much love it. Also pretty much agree with the remarks on the production. I was hearing this in my head done with a 60s pop sound, a la Petula Clark or something like that.

    Comment


    • nat whilk II
      nat whilk II commented
      Editing a comment

      There's a really good song in there.  If it were my song, I would feel like it needs at least one section cut out, and an existing section made into a repeating chorus that comes around a couple of times at least.  

      To tighten it up and make it easier to remember and catch right off on the first listen.  And then maybe bring back some section that was cut as a fade-out coda or something.  

       

      Yeah, when you shift from the bouncy strum-only section into the backing drums and all, there's a pretty big jar there...maybe shorten the strum-only startup section, give a pause, then kick in with the full band.  Don't think you need the lala section in the strum-only part, either.

       

      But like I said, you've definitely got a good song, just needs a little cutting, re-arranging, and splicing into a bit more standard pop tune set of sections. At least that's what I would do fwiw.

       

      nat whilk ii


  • #4

    grace_slick wrote:

     

    Watch Out For Those Hearts

     
    It isn
    “I started being a songwriter pretending I could do it, and it turned out I could.” —James Taylor.

    Comment


    • grace_slick
      grace_slick commented
      Editing a comment

      Hmmmm...I'm very pleased to read all these comments.

      I woke up thinking about this song, and realised I wanted to go back to the initial first verse melody instead of the change I did in the second verse. I LIKE that melody but it's like a different song or something coming in...doesn't quite fit. The reason I did that was because after the chorus, I couldn't remember the first verse melody anymore! I just couldn't get it to stay in my head, and it's not because it was crap or anything, but rather, because the pre-chorus and the chorus were so...unmatched with the first part of the song that it was hard to switch my ear back to that first part. So do I want the first part or the second part (chorus parts) to BE the song? And I want the first part, definitely.

      I also realised my initial inspiration for this song has NOT been followed very well (for technical reasons, as usual for me). I didn't want those drums in there but the guitar part in the beginning just didn't sound how I envisioned it in my head, so I felt I had to compensate for that...and then came the drums, which changed the whole rhythm of the song to something I didn't like. Ugh!

      Anyway, I will be back with a re-work of this.

      Thanks guys!


    • Marshal
      Marshal commented
      Editing a comment

      LCK wrote:

      The opening sections are fantastic.

      The shift into minor modality is okay for a little while, but gets old fast. My ear kept wanting to go back to those opening phrases and feelings.


      I guess I agree. The verses and pre-chorus are fabulous. (Though I like the simples strummed ones better than the tambourine). The minor mode on the chorus and the downer cast to that is a little disconcerting. Probably just too long. Tension  and release. I was waiting for the release of the major melody. It comes, but as a listener I think it lingered a little long on the minor. The minor is a nice counterpoint to the major. But the major chords are the song. They tell all the story the listener needs to know. 

      But nice. 

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