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Turn Another Corner - Lyric tidy up


Lee Knight

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So... Phil/OGP (the co-writer on this) is out of town for the week and away from a computer. I've got the basic groove, basic instrumentation, and the full structure laid out in Pro Tools. I love this stage of things. It's not yet, but it is GOING TO BE real. The foundation is very real. We have form and substance. No longer just an idea.

 

Here is the lyric as it stands. I've bolded the bits I don't like and feel need improvement. Ideas?

 

Turn another corner

 

V1

This same old endless street   

Stretches out before me         

Knowin' who I'll meet           

And what I'm gonna see

(Evr'thing) lined up straight     

...It's not too late...

 

Chorus

Turn another corner?

Lighten up my stride?

Turn another corner?

Maybe realize

I could be getting warmer??

Looking for the prize

If I turn another corner          

 

V2

Direction has to change or

I'll wind up where I am

I feel a brand new phase

Just doing what I can

Think I'll jump the tollgate     

To embrace my fate and

 

Chorus

Turn another corner?

Lighten up my stride?

Turn another corner?

Maybe realize

I could be getting warmer??

Looking for the prize

If I turn another corner                                                                                 

 

Bridge

Not trying to hope here for

Some sweet utopia

To find perfect love the perfect job and friends

Just want the freedom to

Create my own Eden so

This tired routine, recurring dream, can end

 

End Chorus

Up around the corner

Just around the bend

Turn another corner

Watch my world extend

Turn another corner

New beginning and an end

Turn another corner

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(Current)

Direction has to change or

I'll wind up where I am

I feel a brand new phase

Just doing what I can

Think I'll jump the tollgate     

To embrace my fate and

 

(new idea)

Direction has to change

Yesterday's not too soon

I feel a brand new phase

I see a brand new moon

I'm taking aim at a star

It's not too far... 

 

(So) Turn another corner

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I acutally like the bolded parts of V2.  For me, the confusing line is "I feel a brand new phase".  When I read this:

 

Direction has to change or

I'll wind up where I am

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Just doing what I can

 

It all lines up well as a cause (line 1) and effect (lines 2-4).  My direction has to change or I'll forever be stuck in the same place doing the same stuff and just getting by.  But when your line three throws a monkey wrench into that equation by adding a "here I go!" type statement, which seems redundant and out of place.  Redundant because that is conveyed well in the final couplet (altered slightly):

 

 

Think I'll jump the tollgate     

Embrace my new fate (and)

 

 

If I were you, I'd look to tweak that 3rd line into something along the consequence vein.  You know how much I hate unnecessary words, but I think you could make the repetition intentional by beginning line three with "just", as in:

 

 

Direction has to change or

I'll wind up where I am

Just filling the same space

Just doing what I can

 

Obviously that isn't strong enough, but I think it gets the idea across.

 

As for the lines in the final chorus, how about something like "This road is at it's end" as a call back to the opening statement of the song?

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Oswlek wrote:

 

 

I acutally like the bolded parts of V2.  For me, the confusing line is "I feel a brand new phase".  When I read this:

 

 

 

Direction has to change or

I'll wind up where I am

 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Just doing what I can

 

 

It all lines up well as a cause (line 1) and effect (lines 2-4).  My direction has to change or I'll forever be stuck in the same place doing the same stuff and just getting by.  But when your line three throws a monkey wrench into that equation by adding a "here I go!" type statement, which seems redundant and out of place.  Redundant because that is conveyed well in the final couplet (altered slightly):

 

 

 

Think I'll jump the tollgate     

Embrace my new fate (and)

 

 

 

If I were you, I'd look to tweak that 3rd line into something along the consequence vein.  You know how much I hate unnecessary words, but I think you could make the repetition intentional by beginning line three with "just", as in:

 

 

 

 

Direction has to change or

 

I'll wind up where I am

 

Just filling the same space

 

Just doing what I can

 

 

 

Obviously that isn't strong enough, but I think it gets the idea across.

 

 

 

As for the lines in the final chorus, how about something like "
This road is at it's end
" as a call back to the opening statement of the song?

 

That... is a HUGE help. Great call on that 3rd line. The verse felt wrong but I could finger it. I like your catch. I'm on that...

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Lee Knight wrote:

 

 

(Current)

Direction has to change or

I'll wind up where I am

I feel a brand new phase

Just doing what I can

Think I'll jump the tollgate     

To embrace my fate and

 

 

 

(new idea)

 

Direction has to change

Yesterday's not too soon

 

I feel a brand new phase

I see a brand new moon

I'm taking aim at a star

It's not too far... 

 

 

 

(So) Turn another corner

 

The direction doesn't have to change.  You want it to change... maybe you need it to change.

I like 'I'll wind up where I am' but I don't think it is quite worded right.  'Where I am' implies you'll be where you currently are, but you've already established you are on a road moving forward, so really you'll wind up wherever the road you're currently on takes you.

 

 

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