Members Oswlek Posted February 13, 2013 Members Share Posted February 13, 2013 IGNORE...... Since i really haven't written anything since November, I was digging through the archives to see if anything might be lurking down there and found this number. It is more in line with the stuff I used to write that strained my range, but I think I could pull this one off. I've always like the melody and flow, but the lyrics simply haven't stood up over time. I wrote them back in my artsy-fartsy days when obscure references full of negative imagery were enough for me to call a completed lyric. It is supposed to be a social commentary, but it really falls short of the mark. I don't think this is ever going to be a Bruce Springsteen or Bob Dylan style storytelling tune, but I know I need to work something more direct into here. Is anything at all salvageable in this mess? Other than the refrain, I mean? (recorded back in 2009 - be forewarned....)http://picosong.com/nqzn------------------------------------------Wait here for meWhat do you seeDisease in our bedsFilth lining our streets Under the doctrine ofNarcissistic reignJust pop another pillTo kill the pain Soon we'll seeIt is not that easy REFRAINDeprivation in my (your/our) soulDeprivation and down I (you/we) go You know it's the truthWithering you (I know you feel it to)Court's in sessionWhat will you do You can wishBut you can't escape this REFRAIN X 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted February 14, 2013 Author Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 Ha! 44 views and not one comment! I guess this one is going back in the trash bin..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 14, 2013 Members Share Posted February 14, 2013 Oswlek wrote: Ha! 44 views and not one comment! I guess this one is going back in the trash bin..... It was 1) the strained prosody and 2) the hyperbole that made me less than enthusiastic.There are some good things about the song. It just didn't click for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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