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Deprivation - IGNORE! BLUE CAN YOU CLOSE?


Oswlek

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IGNORE......

 

 

 

 

 

Since i really haven't written anything since November, I was digging through the archives to see if anything might be lurking down there and found this number.  It is more in line with the stuff I used to write that strained my range, but I think I could pull this one off.  I've always like the melody and flow, but the lyrics simply haven't stood up over time.  I wrote them back in my artsy-fartsy days when obscure references full of negative imagery were enough for me to call a completed lyric.

 

It is supposed to be a social commentary, but it really falls short of the mark.  I don't think this is ever going to be a Bruce Springsteen or Bob Dylan style storytelling tune, but I know I need to work something more direct into here.  Is anything at all salvageable in this mess?  Other than the refrain, I mean?

 

(recorded back in 2009 - be forewarned....)

http://picosong.com/nqzn

------------------------------------------

Wait here for me

What do you see

Disease in our beds

Filth lining our streets

 

Under the doctrine of

Narcissistic reign

Just pop another pill

To kill the pain

 

Soon we'll see

It is not that easy

 

REFRAIN

Deprivation in my (your/our) soul

Deprivation and down I (you/we) go

 

You know it's the truth

Withering you (I know you feel it to)

Court's in session

What will you do

 

You can wish

But you can't escape this

 

REFRAIN X 2

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Oswlek wrote:

 

 

Ha!  44 views and not one comment!  I guess this one is going back in the trash bin.....

 

It was 1) the strained prosody and 2) the hyperbole that made me less than enthusiastic.

There are some good things about the song. It just didn't click for me.

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