Find Hope in this Hopeless Night

[rickidoo]

 

All comments very welcome, as always.

 

 

Find Hope in this Hopeless Night

©2013 Richard Dieffenbach and Jeanne Ferreira

 

 

Verse 1:

A lonely spirit sails the sea,

Seeking hope among the stars.

Its radiant glow

Sustains the fire in her heart.

Verse 2:

A restless soul who yearns for more

From ancient seas which drowned her smile.

Memories of  love

She held so tight.

 

CHORUS #1:

She

[stickboymusic]

I think this is pretty great Rick

 

It did feel a little long, but you seem to need to say all that you say, I wonder if there is a way just to add a little more musically after that bridge and onwards just to hold attention a little more.

 

The "adventure on" line for some reason stuck out for me..... maybe "to venture on...."

 

anyway - good good work

[Oswlek]

 

Melodically, I love this tune.  The lyrics don't do a whole lot for me, though.  They do a whole lot of telling and not enough showing. 

 

Personally, I think you are approaching this from the wrong angle.  When I listen, I hear a song tailor-made for a duet about two people coming together.

Verse 1 (male vocal):

A lonely spirit sails the sea,

Seeking hope among the stars.

Its radiant glow

Sustains the fire in his heart.

Verse 2 (female vocal):

A restless soul who yearns for more

From ancient seas which drowned her smile.

Memories of  love

She held so tight.

CHORUS #1:

Something about how they are so close to finding the love they seek and don't even realize it.  Then, as the song goes on, they happily connect, perhaps at the very end.

 

 

The final two lines of V1 and V2 would probably need replacing to make this work, but that is what I hear as I listen.  Frankly, even if you keep it as is, I look at both of those lines as weak spots.

 

I hope this doesn't come across harsh, the melody and arrangement are superb, I just think the lyric lets it down a little.

[LCK]

 

---

Oswlek wrote:

 

 

Melodically, I love this tune.  The lyrics don't do a whole lot for me, though.  They do a whole lot of telling and not enough showing. 

 

I love this song! To a certain extent Justin is right about the lyric. But I think you just need to look at where you and Jeanne are using conceptual-type words (like "life") rather than concrete ones (like stars, sea, etc.).

I also disagree slightly with Stick in that I think the song can sustain itself for its length as long as the lyric keeps us interested in the yearning, etc, entailed in this character's journey.

But again, the last thing you want to do in a song about yearning is to use a word like yearning. Don't tell us what the character is going through, paint us a picture with words and music.

This is a huge accomplishment musically, Rick. Huge!