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Never Easy to Forget

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  • Never Easy to Forget

    First draft from lunch. I don't know...

    BOOM-BOOM Thwack! beat Last Chance For Mary Jane, etc.

     

    *Updating here as I go

     

    Never Easy to Forget

     

    V1 

    He's lighting one off the other

    In a chain of nerves and sweat

    Each drag burns like an angry lover

    His hair is wringing wet

    He rolled the dice now he'll the price

    Cause he'd never hedge his bet

    Some things are hard to remember

    And never easy to forget

     

    V2

    Thinking about how he got here

    Some crazy chain of events

    Sometimes his mem'ry's unclear

    But this is crystal as it gets

    All in or nothing in his world

    And a copy of the racing gazette

    Some things are hard to remember

    And never easy to forget

     

    Bridge

    It was such a simple plan

    As much as any plan... can be

    Parlay his cash with a sure thing

    Except he had no cash... to bring

    So he talks to the hatchet man

    Who sometimes talks to also-rans... and used-to-bes

    How come we see what we only wanna see?

     

    V3

    He orders another; waiting

    Street level of a downtown glass tower

    There'll be no negotiating

    This bar stinks of power

    He rolled the dice now he pays the price

    Feeling stupid but there's no regret

    Some things are hard to remember

    And never easy to forget

    It's hard to remember

    And impossible to forget

    __________
    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
    Jesus

  • #2

    I see I rhymed other with other. I'm on it...

    __________
    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
    Jesus

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      He's lighting one off the other

      In a chain of nerves and sweat

      Feeling buried, feeling smothered

      His hair is wringing wet

       

      He's lighting one off the other

      In a chain of nerves and sweat

      Finish one, start another

      His hair is wringing wet

       

      He's lighting one off the other

      In a chain of nerves and sweat

      Fool # 1, none other

      His hair is wringing wet

       

      He's lighting one off the other

      In a chain of nerves and sweat

      Holy Jesus, Holy Mother

      His hair is wringing wet


  • #3

    Lee Knight wrote:

    First draft from lunch. I don't know...

    BOOM-BOOm Thwack! beat Last Chance For Mary Jane, etc.

     

    Never Easy to Forget

     

    He's lighting one off the other

    In a chain of nerves and sweat

    If it's not one thing it's another

    His hair is wringing wet

    So you roll the dice

    And you pay the price

    And you never hedge your bet

    Some things are hard to remember

    And never easy to forget

     

    Thinking about how he got here

    Some crazy chain of events

    Sometimes his mem'ry's unclear

    But this one's clear as it gets

    All in or nothing

    In his world

    And a copy of the racing gazette

    Some things are hard to remember

    And never easy to forget

     

    He orders another; waiting

    Street level of a downtown glass tower

    There'll be no negotiating

    This bar stinks of power

    He rolled the dice

    Now he pays the price

    Feeling stupid but there's no regret

    Some things are hard to remember

    And never easy to forget

    It's hard to remember

    And impossible to forget


    I bolded some areas that jumped out at me as being problematic.

    1)  "His hair is" feels to generic, that you could get something more colorful, even if remained about the hair.

    2)  Not sure what the switch from "he" to "you" is all about.

    3)  "Unclear" feels like it is there for the rhyme, especially with "clear" right there in the next line.

    Ultimately, though, the biggest problem I have is that, for a song with quite a few words, I really haven't a clue what is going on.  I see the small picture and appreciate his concern, but think that more backstory is warranted.

     

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

    Comment


    • LCK
      LCK commented
      Editing a comment

      Oswlek wrote:

      I bolded some areas that jumped out at me as being problematic.

      I don't know. It's just a first draft. And I have to say, I love it as is. It's fan-frickin'-tastic, even with the repeat rhymes.

      I don't suppose there's a bridge in the works somewhere to help ease Justin's mind a little?

       


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      Good stuff Justine. But the you and he should work. The you is, what do you call it, the collective you? Is that right? It's a saying. It's not him, It's like if he said, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. I wouldn't say, sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses.  

       

      But your other points are understood and I agree. I'm not sure if I want to get into a back story. I'd be more tempted to trash it than invest in too much detail. And that was my main concern. Is there any inkling as to what's going on? If not, it probably gets the boot...



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