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  • #16
    BTW - I like the lyric as it is - It's perfectly in sync with the person we know as bee3.



    I like songs covering the good things about being alone

    Lennon did 'There's a Place'

    Wilson did 'In my Room'



    I've recently got part way with 'That's when lonely's not so bad'. Or if I do it 'Country' it might become, 'Maybe lonely 'aint that bad'.
    'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
    CHARLIE PARKER

    Comment


    • #17
      Just perfect.



      I'll just add two more points.



      1) I was working in radio when "The Logical Song" was popular, so I heard it thousands of times. I didn't see or hear any relation b/w that and this song.



      2) Your wordsmithery has improved by huge leaps and bounds!
      “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

      Comment


      • #18






        Quote Originally Posted by LCK
        View Post

        Just perfect.



        I'll just add two more points.



        2) Your wordsmithery has improved by huge leaps and bounds!




        Thanks... that means a lot.

        Comment


        • #19






          Quote Originally Posted by LCK
          View Post

          Your wordsmithery has improved by huge leaps and bounds!




          And you really sound good as well.



          I did have just a small stumble over....



          And in my head where no one else can see



          It just seemed a bit.....too easy and patent, especially after the excellent delivery of the reciprocity/animosity lines.



          Maybe something like....In my mind where I know I'm free.







          Leonard Scaper

          Comment


          • #20






            Quote Originally Posted by LeonardScaper
            View Post

            And you really sound good as well.



            I did have just a small stumble over....



            And in my head where no one else can see



            It just seemed a bit.....too easy and patent, especially after the excellent delivery of the reciprocity/animosity lines.



            Maybe something like....In my mind where I know I'm free.











            Sure... i'll take a look at that line. Thanks.



            Still need a third verse... probably some sort of instrumental bridge. And a proper recording.

            Comment


            • #21






              Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
              View Post

              You're a clever lad but.........I made an immediate association.






              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k3JVfxluFU










              Quote Originally Posted by bee3
              View Post

              Hmmm... maybe a bit. Enough to kill what I'm doing with it?










              Quote Originally Posted by oldgitplayer
              View Post

              No - keep going. I just wanted to flag the Logical Song so that you didn't sub-consciously drift too close to the rocks.

              Reinforce the differences.










              Quote Originally Posted by LCK
              View Post

              Just perfect.



              I'll just add two more points.



              1) I was working in radio when "The Logical Song" was popular, so I heard it thousands of times. I didn't see or hear any relation b/w that and this song.



              2) Your wordsmithery has improved by huge leaps and bounds!




              I LOVE THIS!!!! I did make the connection to the Logical Song as well though. On the bolded words below. It hit me as I listened and before I read any of this^.



              Well you know I'm good in certain company

              Other times I sit awkwardly... alone



              Sometimes I'm into reciprocity

              Avoiding all animosity... I know



              It brings to mind: happily, joyfully, playfully, watching me.



              But your song is AWESOME!!! So, you may or may not have to change it. I guess it depends on how you feel about that. But if you were to, it would be as easy as changing one note. Logical goes 3 2 1. Scale steps. From the 3rd down to the tonic. You could go... 3 4 3. Just move up the back down, creating a little toggle of a hook as opposed to the down-the-steps hook Supertramp uses.



              Either way you go... I really love this song. On a bit of a roll are we?
              __________
              Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
              Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
              Jesus

              Comment


              • #22






                Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                View Post

                I LOVE THIS!!!! I did make the connection to the Logical Song as well though. On the bolded words below. It hit me as I listened and before I read any of this^.



                Well you know I'm good in certain company

                Other times I sit awkwardly... alone



                Sometimes I'm into reciprocity

                Avoiding all animosity... I know



                It brings to mind: happily, joyfully, playfully, watching me.



                But your song is AWESOME!!! So, you may or may not have to change it. I guess it depends on how you feel about that. But if you were to, it would be as easy as changing one note. Logical goes 3 2 1. Scale steps. From the 3rd down to the tonic. You could go... 3 4 3. Just move up the back down, creating a little toggle of a hook as opposed to the down-the-steps hook Supertramp uses.



                Either way you go... I really love this song. On a bit of a roll are we?




                I'll give it a think... it honestly doesn't bother me that much, although I will admit to reading Ken Scott's book at the moment and there is a whole section on the recording of Supertramp's Crime of the Century (but Logical wasn't on that album). Maybe I'll throw a few 3 4 3s in there for variation.



                Glad you like it... anyone want to write the third verse? I so hate writing lyrics.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Sometimes I can't seem to give a damn

                  But can't find a better plan... does it show?

                  It's not that I don't care what you think of me

                  Actually on the contrary... you know



                  Sometimes I feel like letting go

                  Turn out the lights, turn on the stereo
                  __________
                  Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                  Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                  Jesus

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Sometimes I feel like a withered man

                    Beaten up and also ran... I do

                    And though it might take a little while

                    I'll try and force a smile... for you
                    __________
                    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                    Jesus

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      This always feels like a pointless dance

                      But I buckle up and take a chance... I try

                      If you ask me how I got this way

                      I'm not sure what I'd have to say... or why
                      __________
                      Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
                      Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
                      Jesus

                      Comment


                      • #26






                        Quote Originally Posted by bee3
                        View Post

                        anyone want to write the third verse? I so hate writing lyrics.




                        Does it really need a third verse? I don't think so.
                        “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

                        Comment


                        • #27






                          Quote Originally Posted by LCK
                          View Post

                          Does it really need a third verse? I don't think so.




                          In my head... I was thining it wasn't done. It's just two verses and two choruses... I've fallen into a habit of writing really short songs lately.



                          Maybe, at the very least, an instrumental outtro?

                          Comment


                          • #28






                            Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                            View Post

                            Sometimes I can't seem to give a damn

                            But can't find a better plan... does it show?

                            It's not that I don't care what you think of me

                            Actually on the contrary... you know



                            Sometimes I feel like letting go

                            Turn out the lights, turn on the stereo




                            This is my favorite of the LK offerings.



                            Justin, this song is terrific. It seems to stay in a similar place throughout, but that could be fixed very easily with some production (guitar or harmonies creating the urgency that the lead vocals don't quite convey).



                            Thought you might want to know that one listen of this song gave me an idea for something totally different than I've been writing lately. Already came up with a chorus and the guitar, as well as a loose melody for the verse.
                            Don't listen to Justin.
                            LCK - 2/21/2012

                            Comment


                            • #29






                              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                              View Post

                              Sometimes I can't seem to give a damn

                              But can't find a better plan... does it show?

                              It's not that I don't care what you think of me

                              Actually on the contrary... you know



                              Sometimes I feel like letting go

                              Turn out the lights, turn on the stereo




                              A little too abstract. (I can't believe I'm saying that).









                              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                              View Post

                              Sometimes I feel like a withered man

                              Beaten up and also ran... I do

                              And though it might take a little while

                              I'll try and force a smile... for you




                              I like this... not sure about pulling the 'you' aspect into it though. I haven't mentioned another person yet... kind of keeping this character completely insulated. The reciprocity reference I guess is as close as I want to get to pulling someone else into the story.









                              Quote Originally Posted by Lee Knight
                              View Post

                              This always feels like a pointless dance

                              But I buckle up and take a chance... I try

                              If you ask me how I got this way

                              I'm not sure what I'd have to say... or why




                              Still like the withered man reference the best.

                              Comment


                              • #30






                                Quote Originally Posted by Oswlek
                                View Post

                                This is my favorite of the LK offerings.



                                Justin, this song is terrific. It seems to stay in a similar place throughout, but that could be fixed very easily with some production (guitar or harmonies creating the urgency that the lead vocals don't quite convey).



                                Thought you might want to know that one listen of this song gave me an idea for something totally different than I've been writing lately. Already came up with a chorus and the guitar, as well as a loose melody for the verse.




                                Thanks! That's great... I'm finally an influence!



                                Here is my direct influence for this one... in fact, it was around midnight the other night and I decided I wanted to watch this video before bed... as soon as it ended, I picked up the guitar and tried to come up with something cool, which ended up being this song.






                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FopSMy1nmJM

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