No One Here is Concerned

[bee3]

Just came up with this today... simple live recording.  Yeah or nay?

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12152376

 

Your glass is empty

Mine is full

Your days are numbered

Mine plentiful

 

When everybody else in the room is laughing

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

Your back is always up to the wall

And no one here is concerned with you at all

 

When spring is blooming

You want the fall

You close the curtains

When sun lights the wall

 

When everybody else in the room is laughing

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

Your back is always up to the wall

And no one here is concerned with you at all

 

I take pleasure knowing we're not the same

You don't have that option

You've made an assumption

That everyone around you is to blame

 

When everybody else in the room is laughing

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

Your back is always up to the wall

And no one here is concerned with you at all

 

[LCK]

 

---

bee3 wrote:

 

 

Just came up with this today... simple live recording.  Yeah or nay?

 

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12152376

 

 

 

Your glass is empty

 

Mine is full

 

Your days are numbered

 

Mine plentiful

 

 

 

When everybody else in the room is laughing

 

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

 

Your back is always up to the wall

 

And no one here is concerned with you at all

 

 

 

When spring is blooming

 

You want the fall

 

You close the curtains

 

When sun lights the wall

 

 

 

When everybody else in the room is laughing

 

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

 

Your back is always up to the wall

 

And no one here is concerned with you at all

 

 

 

I take pleasure knowing we're not the same

 

You don't have that option

 

You've made an assumption

 

That everyone around you is to blame

 

 

 

When everybody else in the room is laughing

 

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

 

Your back is always up to the wall

 

And no one here is concerned with you at all

---

 

Beautiful.

My only concern is the repetition of certain words as rhymes.

Your glass is empty

Mine is full

Your days are numbered

Mine plentiful

And...

When spring is blooming

You want the fall

You close the curtains

When sun lights the wall

When everybody else in the room is laughing

You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

Your back is always up to the wall

And no one here is concerned with you at all

 

Other than that, I think it's great.

Great tune too. It's still running through my head.

 

 

[bee3]

OK... how about:

 

Your glass is empty

Mine is full

You're always pushing

When I need a pull

 

When spring is blooming

You want the fall

You close the curtains

When sun lights the hall

[rsadasiv]

How about "You've always got your back against the wall" instead of "Your back is always up against the wall". Strunk and White are appalled by the passive voice.

[shortchord]

 

Your back is always up to the wall

 

---

 

I feel like you use this phrase a lot in your songs ... though I'm not immediately thinking of any specific examples.

 

Edit:

-You have a song "Writing on the Wall."

-In Good Intent, you use the phrase "We'd have each other's backs, when they're up to the wall."

 

 

[rsadasiv]

Bot bump for bee3.