Members bee3 Posted February 6, 2013 Members Share Posted February 6, 2013 Just came up with this today... simple live recording. Yeah or nay? http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12152376 Your glass is emptyMine is fullYour days are numberedMine plentiful When everybody else in the room is laughingYou will be the one lonely fool who's cryingYour back is always up to the wallAnd no one here is concerned with you at all When spring is bloomingYou want the fallYou close the curtainsWhen sun lights the wall When everybody else in the room is laughingYou will be the one lonely fool who's cryingYour back is always up to the wallAnd no one here is concerned with you at all I take pleasure knowing we're not the sameYou don't have that optionYou've made an assumptionThat everyone around you is to blame When everybody else in the room is laughingYou will be the one lonely fool who's cryingYour back is always up to the wallAnd no one here is concerned with you at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 6, 2013 Members Share Posted February 6, 2013 bee3 wrote: Just came up with this today... simple live recording. Yeah or nay? http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12152376 Your glass is empty Mine is full Your days are numbered Mine plentiful When everybody else in the room is laughing You will be the one lonely fool who's crying Your back is always up to the wall And no one here is concerned with you at all When spring is blooming You want the fall You close the curtains When sun lights the wall When everybody else in the room is laughing You will be the one lonely fool who's crying Your back is always up to the wall And no one here is concerned with you at all I take pleasure knowing we're not the same You don't have that option You've made an assumption That everyone around you is to blame When everybody else in the room is laughing You will be the one lonely fool who's crying Your back is always up to the wall And no one here is concerned with you at all Beautiful.My only concern is the repetition of certain words as rhymes.Your glass is emptyMine is fullYour days are numberedMine plentifulAnd...When spring is bloomingYou want the fallYou close the curtainsWhen sun lights the wallWhen everybody else in the room is laughingYou will be the one lonely fool who's cryingYour back is always up to the wallAnd no one here is concerned with you at all Other than that, I think it's great.Great tune too. It's still running through my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Members Share Posted February 6, 2013 OK... how about: Your glass is emptyMine is fullYou're always pushingWhen I need a pull When spring is bloomingYou want the fallYou close the curtainsWhen sun lights the hall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted February 6, 2013 Members Share Posted February 6, 2013 How about "You've always got your back against the wall" instead of "Your back is always up against the wall". Strunk and White are appalled by the passive voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shortchord Posted February 7, 2013 Members Share Posted February 7, 2013 Your back is always up to the wall I feel like you use this phrase a lot in your songs ... though I'm not immediately thinking of any specific examples. Edit:-You have a song "Writing on the Wall."-In Good Intent, you use the phrase "We'd have each other's backs, when they're up to the wall." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted March 11, 2013 Members Share Posted March 11, 2013 Bot bump for bee3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.