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  • No One Here is Concerned

    Just came up with this today... simple live recording.  Yeah or nay?

     

    http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12152376

     

    Your glass is empty

    Mine is full

    Your days are numbered

    Mine plentiful

     

    When everybody else in the room is laughing

    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

    Your back is always up to the wall

    And no one here is concerned with you at all

     

    When spring is blooming

    You want the fall

    You close the curtains

    When sun lights the wall

     

    When everybody else in the room is laughing

    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

    Your back is always up to the wall

    And no one here is concerned with you at all

     

    I take pleasure knowing we're not the same

    You don't have that option

    You've made an assumption

    That everyone around you is to blame

     

    When everybody else in the room is laughing

    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

    Your back is always up to the wall

    And no one here is concerned with you at all

     


  • #2

    bee3 wrote:

    Just came up with this today... simple live recording.  Yeah or nay?

     

    http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12152376

     

    Your glass is empty

    Mine is full

    Your days are numbered

    Mine plentiful

     

    When everybody else in the room is laughing

    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

    Your back is always up to the wall

    And no one here is concerned with you at all

     

    When spring is blooming

    You want the fall

    You close the curtains

    When sun lights the wall

     

    When everybody else in the room is laughing

    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

    Your back is always up to the wall

    And no one here is concerned with you at all

     

    I take pleasure knowing we're not the same

    You don't have that option

    You've made an assumption

    That everyone around you is to blame

     

    When everybody else in the room is laughing

    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying

    Your back is always up to the wall

    And no one here is concerned with you at all


    Beautiful.

    My only concern is the repetition of certain words as rhymes.

    Your glass is empty
    Mine is full
    Your days are numbered
    Mine plentiful

    And...

    When spring is blooming
    You want the fall
    You close the curtains
    When sun lights the wall

    When everybody else in the room is laughing
    You will be the one lonely fool who's crying
    Your back is always up to the wall
    And no one here is concerned with you at all

     

    Other than that, I think it's great.

    Great tune too. It's still running through my head.

     

    “I think you make yourself an antenna for songs, and songs want to be around you. And then they bring other songs along, and then they’re all sittin’ around, and they’re drinking your beer, and they’re sleeping on the floor.” —Tom Waits

    Comment


    • bee3
      bee3 commented
      Editing a comment

      OK... how about:

       

      Your glass is empty

      Mine is full

      You're always pushing

      When I need a pull

       

      When spring is blooming

      You want the fall

      You close the curtains

      When sun lights the hall


    • rsadasiv
      rsadasiv commented
      Editing a comment

      How about "You've always got your back against the wall" instead of "Your back is always up against the wall". Strunk and White are appalled by the passive voice.


  • #3

    Your back is always up to the wall

     


    I feel like you use this phrase a lot in your songs ... though I'm not immediately thinking of any specific examples.

     

    Edit:

    -You have a song "Writing on the Wall."

    -In Good Intent, you use the phrase "We'd have each other's backs, when they're up to the wall."

     

     

    Comment


    • #4
      Bot bump for bee3.
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      Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

      -Coco Chanel

      Comment



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