Members bee3 Posted December 21, 2012 Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Hi... its been a while.Here is a little something that I want to test the waters with. Right now, it's bare bones. Lyrically... not developed, but I've been really struggling lately. I just wanted to get something down... anything really to get back in the saddle.Let me know if its working for you... then I'll take all the lyrical suggestions you have. UPDATED VERSION POST #45Hey there, how you doingGonna make it through the day?Turn off your televisionIt's a nightmare on re-playEverybody wants someEverybody needs some I'm sorry that you're hurtingAren't we all in different waysTune out all your staticFind a station you can playEverybody wants someEverybody needs someLove. It's around this place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 21, 2012 Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Fantastic start. You had me hooked right off the bat. Lyrically it's fine except that I think the second part of the second verse is just a re-hash of the first.I'm sorry that you're hurting Aren't we all in different waysTune in to the [love light] ?? Try to tune out all the haze ?? This section:Everybody wants some Everybody needs some is just wonderfully, fabulously hooky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 21, 2012 Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 It's good - In what has become Justin's signature style. I'm happy with the lyric as it is - 'Believe it or Not' (said in Ripley's voice) I have only one comment, and that is a musical one: The chorus has a very nice semi-jerky rhythm which works well. But I think that the verses should't be jerky like you've got them. I think they would sound better if you retained the fluidity of the opening instrumentation throughout the verses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Originally Posted by LCK Fantastic start. You had me hooked right off the bat. Thanks LCK. Originally Posted by oldgitplayer It's good - In what has become Justin's signature style.The chorus has a very nice semi-jerky rhythm which works well. But I think that the verses should't be jerky like you've got them.I think they would sound better if you retained the fluidity of the opening instrumentation throughout the verses. I wonder how you would describe my signature style.Regarding the fludity of the instrumentation - you're not digging the guitar picking parts? I was going for dynamic interest there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 21, 2012 Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Originally Posted by bee3 Thanks LCK.I wonder how you would describe my signature style.Regarding the fludity of the instrumentation - you're not digging the guitar picking parts? I was going for dynamic interest there... The guitar picking is great, but I don't think the stop/start playing in the verse serves it well.Also I don't think the jerky singing style in the verse works, but it's 100% perfect in the chorus. The chorus is a big hook and it needs to be juxtaposed with fluid singing in the verses. Anyway - that's what I'm hearing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 21, 2012 Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Originally Posted by oldgitplayer The guitar picking is great, but I don't think the stop/start playing in the verse serves it well.Also I don't think the jerky singing style in the verse works, but it's 100% perfect in the chorus. The chorus is a big hook and it needs to be juxtaposed with fluid singing in the verses. Anyway - that's what I'm hearing. After re-listening to the track, I disagree. I think the rhythm of the opening verse is quite different from the chorus. And part of what "hooked" me was that very rhythm. Justin, you can try smoothing it out and see how it feels, but I like it the way it is.I really, really like it.Oh, yeah, and maybe...I'm sorry you've been hurting...That feels stronger than "I'm sorry that you're hurting..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 21, 2012 Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Difference of opinions happening here. Don't you love that? Maybe leave the 1st verse as you have it in a stop/start feel as an opener, but when you get to the 2nd verse, become fluid. As LCK says - try it and see. The proof of the pudding and all that.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 21, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2012 Originally Posted by LCK Fantastic start. You had me hooked right off the bat.Lyrically it's fine except that I think the second part of the second verse is just a re-hash of the first.I'm sorry that you're hurtingAren't we all in different waysTune in to the [love light] ??Try to tune out all the haze ??This section:Everybody wants someEverybody needs someis just wonderfully, fabulously hooky. Originally Posted by oldgitplayer Difference of opinions happening here. Don't you love that? Maybe leave the 1st verse as you have it in a stop/start feel as an opener, but when you get to the 2nd verse, become fluid.As LCK says - try it and see. The proof of the pudding and all that.......... I actually did plan for the 3rd time after the bridge to do just that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted December 22, 2012 Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 Melodically it is great, but the title, and even the phrasing of that line calls a lot of attention to itself as being a nod to the VH tune. I love the bridge(?) at the end. That has the potential to be incredibly powerful the second time around. I hear it being bare bones on the repeat and then building into a crescendo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 22, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 The bridge you're referring to is actually the chorus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 22, 2012 Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 Originally Posted by bee3 I actually did plan for the 3rd time after the bridge to do just that. So it's all your fault for not providing a fully produced and mastered demo for us to critique.......... Originally Posted by Oswlek I hear it being bare bones on the repeat and then building into a crescendo. Justin D has become the master of musical orgasm.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 22, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 The performance on this site is still maddening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 22, 2012 Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 Originally Posted by bee3 I wonder how you would describe my signature style. It's more a case of a signature sound than a signature style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RickDieffenbach Posted December 22, 2012 Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 The vocals - crosby stills nash and young have nothing on you. Beautiful. Where it starts with LOve... It's around this place. Sent chills. Verse melody solid. The melody for the 2nd "everybody needs some" each time, specifically on "needs", just something about it. Like I am expecting some kind of contrast with the preceding "needs". Maybe I am spoiled by the rest of the melody. Or maybe its an artistic choice. Not sure. I just want to reach in there and push it up slightly. Love the tune however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 22, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 Thanks Rick. Are you talking about the melody specifically on "Everybody Needs Some" as opposed to Everybody Wants Some"? Or are you referring to the second time that couplet happens in the song? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RickDieffenbach Posted December 22, 2012 Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 "needs" only, just that note, and really, both times. It's probably just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 22, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 22, 2012 Originally Posted by RickDieffenbach "needs" only, just that note, and really, both times.It's probably just me. I originally had an entirely different melody for both verse parts... it was sung an octave lower... and the Everybody Needs Some bit was sung differently... but now that won't work because it goes way too high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 23, 2012 Moderators Share Posted December 23, 2012 I haven't even listened yet because you pointed out how the lyric hasn't been developed. So I just read it to load up quickly for my first listen through (still to come) and... that is a great lyric. It says so much in so little space. I'm not suggesting you're done, that's for you to decide but... I want to write more like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 23, 2012 Moderators Share Posted December 23, 2012 Holy crap. This is so cool. T Rex, CSN, 10CC, Supertramp, Bowie... you {censored}er Justin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted December 24, 2012 Members Share Posted December 24, 2012 Originally Posted by LCK Lyrically it's fine except that I think the second part of the second verse is just a re-hash of the first.I'm sorry that you're hurtingAren't we all in different waysTune in to the [love light] ??Try to tune out all the haze ??. . . , I don't agree. I liked static and station. I thought the consistent image of "TVs" and "radios" is appropriate and ties the verses together. Plus it's an immediate image we can all grasp. Great tune. One more verse and a couple choruses and you're out and done. The cool pre-chorus alleviates the need for a bridge. Just one more verse with something revealing in it and you've got a great song. (You could do a double verse like your first verse. But I like the change in structure from 2 verses and a chorus to one verse and 2 [or 3] choruses. It keeps the song fresh to the listener by somewhat mixing up the familiar elements.)Of course you could add an instrumental in there somewhere. But it would not be necessary for it to be a good song. In fact sometimes people rely too much on convoluted instrumental breaks to fill in a song. Plus this one already has instrumental recognition as the guitar part works nice to set the stage for the vocal. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted December 24, 2012 Members Share Posted December 24, 2012 PS - your 3rd verse will need some image to go along with the TV & radio. Doesn't have to be electronic, but that'd be nice. Could just be something like "spectator," (which could be a cool word to work into a verse. [Don't be a spectator, get up on the stage]). Or anything along those lines. But I think you want to say something like; 'Once you were happy. You can be that way again. It's all up to you. etc, etc.' Of course you could add a twist like; sorry I hurt you. I'm not worth it anyway. Angry birds on replay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted December 24, 2012 Members Share Posted December 24, 2012 I'm sorry that I hurt you I'm not worth it anyway Don't be a sad spectator Get back up upon the stage (Just to complete that thought. But do whatever you want. You're doing great so far. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted December 24, 2012 Members Share Posted December 24, 2012 I like it so much I chunked out the chords. Capo 1, Am & E7 mostly. I think your chorus ends on G as you have it. I added an E7 after that and it's ready to come back to the Am pattern. Hurry up and finish this one. I'll add it to my reper-twah (of course giving you full credit). Good thing it's in capo 1. I'd surely lower it that half step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Members Share Posted December 24, 2012 Thanks Marshall... well, I've done some more work on it prior to reading your comments. It's not ready to post yet... and the holidays have gotten in the way of progress... Check back in a few days and hopefully I'll have something more fleshed out. For a second there, I was looking behind me as surely you must have sneaked in my house and saw me working on my instrumental section! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted December 29, 2012 Members Share Posted December 29, 2012 Your signature style.......dynamic, harmonius, cross-generic, smile inducing.I like this one a lot. I think you'll smooth out the verse chorus transitions in the next version. Love how you end it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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