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  • BEND - proof of concept / music

    http://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-lee-knight-3/bend-proof-of-concept-edit-eq

     

    So... this is just me singing late at night as I work out melody. Total throw away vocal. Just a verse, pre and the first two lines of a chorus. The question, how's the melody working? The other question? How's the V1 lyric working in a musical context. It always made sense to me... but others have pointed out that it doesn't really make sense at all. "What's this song about?" Does hearing the music I've been hearing in my head help? Or do I need to really whip that V1 into shape? I like it, but now I have my doubts.

     

    http://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-lee-knight-3/bend-proof-of-concept-edit-eq

     

    V1

    40 hours a week, they've been lookin' at you like

    You ain't from around here

    But they're wrong, born and raised, Kentucky flower

    Your colors growin' wilder every year

     

    Pre1

    You never joined the water-cooler chain gang

    You never buckled to the pressure of the same-same

     

    C1

    (they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

    Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

    Bend like Kentucky Goldenrod, fighting the wind

    Bend like it's the last time, then here it comes again

    They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

    Yeah, you gotta bend

    ___

  • #2

    Oh... and the chorus. I have 3 lines that do a build to the end of the chorus rhyming wind, again, lean in, building to the pay off line. But I think I need to whittle it down to 2 (maybe). And if I do, here's what I propose. From this...

     

    (they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

    Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

    Bend like Kentucky Goldenrod, fighting the wind

    Bend like it's the last time, then here it comes again

    They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

    Yeah, you gotta bend

     

    to this:

     

    (they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

    Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

    Bend like it's the last time fighting the wind

    They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

    Yeah, you gotta bend

    ___

    Comment


    • stickboymusic
      stickboymusic commented
      Editing a comment

      This is great Lee, instant and fantastic.

       

      Love that little Pre, have you considered a perfect rhyme there? I think it may add something

       

      Eg.

       

      You never joined the water-cooler chain gang

      You never buckled to the pressure of the new slang

       

      or

       

      You never joined the water-cooler chain gang

      You never buckled to the pressure of the bang bang

       

       


    • oldgitplayer
      oldgitplayer commented
      Editing a comment

      Lee Knight wrote:

      Oh... and the chorus. I have 3 lines that do a build to the end of the chorus rhyming wind, again, lean in, building to the pay off line. But I think I need to whittle it down to 2 (maybe). And if I do, here's what I propose. From this...

       

      (they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

      Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

      Bend like Kentucky Goldenrod, fighting the wind

      Bend like it's the last time, then here it comes again

      They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

      Yeah, you gotta bend

       

      to this:

       

      (they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

      Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

      Bend like it's the last time fighting the wind

      They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

      Yeah, you gotta bend


      OK - so you haven't demo'd this part yet, but to read, I feel the doubling of 'Bend like.....' has a more powerful build than when you do it just the once.


  • #3

    Grabs my attention right away, great open.  Almost had a country Neil Young flavor to it.  I think it can work but for some reason the scratch vocal is getting in my way and I'm having a hard time seeing past it.  You definitely need more energy in the keeper take.


    Two areas that stood out to me as needing something:  

    "But they're wrong, born and raised, Kentucky flower"

    That "but" gets me every time (three listens), and not for the usual reason.  It just gets in the way of me taking a mental breather. 

    "so you bend the other way"

    ^This line is critical lyrically, but it is almost a throwaway melodically.  If the melody stays, then I hope you work the arrangement to make it pop more.

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      Oswlek wrote:

      Grabs my attention right away, great open.  Almost had a country Neil Young flavor to it.  I think it can work but for some reason the scratch vocal is getting in my way and I'm having a hard time seeing past it.  You definitely need more energy in the keeper take.


      Two areas that stood out to me as needing something:  

      "But they're wrong, born and raised, Kentucky flower"

      That "but" gets me every time (three listens), and not for the usual reason.  It just gets in the way of me taking a mental breather. 

      "so you bend the other way"

      ^This line is critical lyrically, but it is almost a throwaway melodically.  If the melody stays, then I hope you work the arrangement to make it pop more.


       

      Having a hard time seeing past the scratch vocal? It's only there to show the melody and how the lyric plays out. If there's a problem, then it's a problem with the writing I would think. Because I'm sure you're capable of seeing past a scratch vocal. Some of the rhythm is hosed in my execution but I think my intent with it is clear. Can you narrow down what's not working for you? Right now I'm getting that you don't like the scratch vocal.

       

      As far as "bend the other way", I could stay up on the tonic note that the opening "BEND!" uses. Right? BEND! Stay up high there.> BUT YOU BEND THE (up to the m3rd)OTHER (back down)WAY!

       

      The "but" in but they're wrong. I'm not sure I can get away with cutting that but I'll try. It might make it worse. Maybe not, and I definitely want to try that cause I know what you mean...


  • #4
    Oh no, I love Mustang. And I do have two free courses they can either repeat themselves or add new bits so I'm holding onto Mustang for now. It doesn't matter so much if they are all by definition wild, what matters is that it paints that picture of wildness, of her being a Mustang and that is awesome! So she's not a tame Mustang, she's a Wild mustang! Works for me.
    ___

    Comment


    • #5
      Pardon the Siri interpreted stuff above. That's pre-chorus
      ___

      Comment


      • oldgitplayer
        oldgitplayer commented
        Editing a comment

        She could be a 'top-down Mustang' (supercharged of course)........png" alt=":smileyhappy:" title="Smiley Happy" />


    • #6

      I loved listening to this.

      I haven't read all the other comments yet, because I want to shoot with my first impressions.

      Music is perfect. The lyric could be tweaked in a couple of places for better flow.

       

      V1

      40 hours a week, they look at you like.......try doing this in the immediate tense.

      You ain't from around here

      But they're wrong, born and raised, Kentucky flower

      Colors growin' wilder every year......try dropping the pronoun - it's usually implied anyway.

       

      Pre1

      You never joined the water-cooler chain gang

      Never buckled to the pressure of the same-same ......try dropping the pronoun

       

      C1

      (they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

      Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

      Bend like Kentucky Goldenrod, fighting the wind

      Bend like it's the last time, then here it comes again

      They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

      Yeah, you gotta bend


       

      'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
      CHARLIE PARKER

      Comment


      • #7

        First off - you absolutely nailed the verse melody.  And you showed that you do have some of that greasy-slidey redneck stuff in your vocal repertoire.

        However, I'm still not crazy about the 1st verse lyric.  The great melody certainly dressed it up and made it go down easier than just reading it off a page, but for me, it's still not setting up enough conflict to justify the "eff you" tone of the chorus.  It's not that the verse doesn't make sense; I'm completely getting what the verse is about.  It's just that the verse doesn't really get me interested in the character.

        And for some reason, the "child at play" line in the chorus seems like the wrong image.  I didn't notice it before, but it sticks out when it's sung.  There's something too innocent about that image in the context of this song.

        And while I'm picking nits, the chord in the pre-chorus didn't sit right for some reason.  Is that Em (ii)?  I just pulled out the guitar and tried an E7 there, and it sounded a little better to my ear.  But I've got no business giving you theory advice.

        All in all though, it's sounding pretty good.  I think you're on to something.

         

        Beware of deepities.<br>-- Daniel Dennett

        Comment


        • #8
          Hey Phil, really great input above. I love every point you made in both your posts. I'll look further into them. Great stuff, thanks.

          And thanks MU. I'm going to look further into your points about this well. As far as the lyric in verse one, I'm either going to need a great epiphany from above, Or keep it where it's at.

          I'm not opposed to making sweeping and bold changes, in other words completely rethinking the first verse. But I don't have a bold idea to replace that one yet. But you're not alone in pointing to that first verse as being something that doesn't work for you. I'm keeping an open mind on all this. Thank you guys, great stuff.
          ___

          Comment


          • #9
            Oh, and good call on a child at play. The line is almost right. In fact I kind of think it works in some ways but I agree, there's got to be something better and I'm looking for it.

            The idea of her laughing like a kid totally lost in play appeals to me. But the phrase child at play is clunky here. I hear you.
            ___

            Comment


            • #10
              Track on the OP sounds great. Still catching up.
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              Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

              -Coco Chanel

              Comment

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