Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 22, 2013 Moderators Share Posted March 22, 2013 I've gotten into journaling. The Morning Pages. Just write a bunch of {censored}. Don't edit it. Don't think about it. But most important, don't NOT do it. So I do it. And sometimes stuff comes out and I think, "How do I make a song of that? I like that. How do I... or do I?" From this morning's Morning Pages. Not a song, not a poem. Just one dude "journalling!" Anything here to take further and refine into a song? And BTW? "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer. Note: The original down below. *Updating here as I go... This Might Not Last Forever V1 I found a bone while digging in the garden today The previous owner's dog maybe? The past is present, like dirt in my hands And one day that bone will be me A reminder of what is to come That what walks the earth tonight Will sleep with the worms tomorrow We are here to enjoy this life Pre1 Why cry, why complain? Why choose the dark when light pours through your windowpane? With some things we don't have a choice, so... C1 Choose to laugh Choose to smile Choose to hug And choose pain every once in a while Choose to run But never away And if you fall Stand up again Choose to surrender Because this might not last forever V2 Not sad, not afraid that one day we'll die But we have this time right now, right now A moment that lasts a lifetime And might carry on somehow We don't bury our dead in our yards But in modern Rome, when they build a museum or store Workers unearth layers of bodies The past and present shaking hands through iron ore Pre2 Why cry, why complain? Why choose the dark when light pours through your windowpane? With some things we don't have a choice, so... C2 Choose to laugh Choose to smile Choose to hug And choose pain every once in a while Choose to run But never away And if you fall Stand up again Choose to surrender Because this might not last forever Original journal entry: This Might Not Last Forever I found a bone in the garden today Some sort of animal, or person maybe? The past is present like dirt in my hands And that bone is my destiny A reminder of what is to come That what walks the earth today Will sleep with the worms tomorrow And we are here to laugh and enjoy life Not sad, not afraid that one day we'll die But we have this time right now Right now. A moment that lasts forever And surely will not last That garden bone couldn't have been a person could it? We don't bury our dead in our yards I heard that in modern Rome, when they build They unearth layers of bodies The past and present shaking hands in the now Why choose to cry? Why choose to complain? Why choose the dark? Why choose to be insane? Some things we don't have a choice in, so... Choose to laugh Choose to smile Choose to hug And yes, choose pain every once in a while Choose to run But never away And if you fall, stand again Choose to surrender Because this might not last forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 22, 2013 Members Share Posted March 22, 2013 It only took me one line to say a resounding "yes!". That is a fantastic open and makes me invest immediately. About the only part I don't think fits the mood is the ponderings of whether it is a person or not. You can offer that idea, "life building on life", without bringing that morbidity to it.This is your hook, FWIW.Choose to surrenderBecause this might not last forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 22, 2013 Author Moderators Share Posted March 22, 2013 Oswlek wrote: It only took me one line to say a resounding "yes!". That is a fantastic open and makes me invest immediately. About the only part I don't think fits the mood is the ponderings of whether it is a person or not. You can offer that idea, "life building on life", without bringing that morbidity to it. This is your hook, FWIW.Choose to surrenderBecause this might not last forever Thanks, O. That helps a lot. I agree that could be a refrain at the end of each verse. Stuff to think about... cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 22, 2013 Author Moderators Share Posted March 22, 2013 That is an interesting idea Ryan, but I'm leaning toward not using that Rome idea at all. I think looking at that second half of verse two as almost a bridge, with that sort of outlook lyrically might be interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 22, 2013 Author Moderators Share Posted March 22, 2013 In other words, I'm not sure an Italian motif is really fitting here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monkey Uncle Posted March 24, 2013 Members Share Posted March 24, 2013 Late to the party...It sounds like you've already deep-sixed the Rome part. But FWIW, my issue with that part isn't so much the subject matter, it's the fact that it reads more like prose than verse.Otherwise, I think this lyric is fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.