The Universe Expands (2013 song, not 2012)

[rickidoo]

 

I wrote a song of the same title a year or so ago. This is unrelated.

 

Yes, parts sound like the Beatles... I'm ok with that. I like the Beatles.

 

 

All comments welcome.

 

PS: The vocal talk after verse 1 is Annunziata,  recorded on a cassette 30 years ago for me, but was never heard until a few weeks ago. By the way, we are engaged. :-)

 

 

The Universe Expands

© 2013 Richard Dieffenbach and Jeanne Ferreira

 

V1:

You were there

when I needed a hand

You were there

 

You were there

when my ship was stuck in the sand

 

V2:

I fell in love with you back then

But circumstances forced it to end

 

I had to go

I had to go

 

===============================

(instrumental brief)

 

V3:

Many years

Have flown by past our eyes

 

Many years

we lived our separate lives

 

Many years we lived apart

But hidden in our hearts

 

Was the love we had

back then

 

Was the love we felt

back when

 

=============================

CHORUS:

The universe expands

We

[stickboymusic]

It's nice rick

 

I feel it would make more sense to say the universe "contracts" seeing as you have been brought together at last and not been set further apart

 

 

 

[Oswlek]

Lovely, Rick.  I also felt something similar to Stick with "expands" and how it relates to the lyric. 

More importantly, though, I think the arrangement needs to sprinkle the candy a little better, and earlier.  I'll try to be as clear as possible, but this might be difficult in print.

V1 and V2 are perfect, IMO. When you get to the interlude, I hear it differently.  If I were arranging this, I'd bring the horn in at the same time as the recording of your fiance and treat that as the full interlude.  At 1:27 bring in V2 but don't hit the full drums yet, just with a tamb. 

Kick in with the full drum kit on "Many years we lived apart" and hit the chorus exactly as you do.

The other piece I would probably do that you might not want to do is cut out the entire V5.  It is honest and heartfelt but it makes the song drag melodically.  Jumping from 4:32 to 5:20 would go a long way to curbing that issue, IMO.  If you do this, then I'd encourage you to bring some of the lovely piano work from V5 into V4.  No drums or bass, but just a hint more texture.

FWIW, I also think leaving it unsaid how you physically got back together might even paradoxically more impacting.  Maybe.  Either way, it would definitely hit the second chorus with a lot more momentum.

Great tune, my friend.  You are on a serious roll.

 

EDIT:  It might be worth trying to cut the funky pre-chorus thingy in half the first time around.  Then when it doubles the second time around it is a great dynamic lift off the mellow V4.  I also think if you cut V5, you could keep the second chorus around for another 10 seconds before fading it out. 

[rickidoo]

Justin - these are amazing suggestions!!!! Thank you!!! Damn. Good. Thanks.

 

And thank you stick, too.

 

 

[rhino55]

 

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stickboymusic wrote:

 

 

It's nice rick

 

 

 

I feel it would make more sense to say the universe "contracts" seeing as you have been brought together at last and not been set further apart

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I can see that.

I also think "expands" can be kept if you add a "meanwhile," "but," or "still" in front of the chorus.  That way it's kind of like saying even in an ever expanding universe these two were drawn together, which is what I think was the intention.

[LCK]

 

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stickboymusic wrote:

 

 

It's nice rick

 

I feel it would make more sense to say the universe "contracts" seeing as you have been brought together at last and not been set further apart

---

 

I think you should stick with "the universe expands." It's not about logic, it's about a feeling. For instance, the human heart both opens and closes, expands and contracts, but in this situation the human heart would be opening, not contracting...