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High School

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  • High School

    Sorry - don't mean to flood the board. I will be going silent running very soon for 2 months - moving from Maine to Florida...

    All comments welcome

    This is a bit of a personal song, so there are some personal sound effects at the start and end. But i would still like to create the best personal song as i can.

    By the way - this is me HAPPY.


    High School
    (c)2013 Rick Dieffenbach

    V1: I remember when I was a boy in my high school
    Was in a band and my buddies and I were cool
    We couldn

    <div class="signaturecontainer"><i>&quot;Now and then... occasionally... it seems to have.... too many notes&quot;</i><br></div>

  • #2

    I love it melodically.  There are a number of places where it feels too wordy, for instance:

    My buddies We were my friends way back in high school

    Jimmy was the drummer in our little rock

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

    Comment


    • LCK
      LCK commented
      Editing a comment

      Nice tune. Very nice. Nice vocal too, Rick!

      The lyric needs a bit more work though. There's a prosody problem with the way you sing high school in the first line: high SCHOOL. It sounds more natural to say HIGH school. Plus saying things like "my buddies were my best friends" is kind of like saying "the blue sky was blue..."

      The taped bits probably seemed like a good idea but I think they get in the way of the tune.

      I would work on those issues because the song has got a lot of potential.


  • #3

    How about something like this? (the last line may need work!)

     

     

    My best friend Wayne,oh man could he sing
    In all our eyes that dude was "the king"
    He's a doctor now and a hell of a guy
    He always said "rock n roll wouldnt die"
    Dear friend Wayne I know you're still doin your thing.

     

    Id also consider doubling the choruses up, maybe on the second one (they are proper ace melodically and seem to go to fast)

     

    It may mean cutting a verse or something?

     

     

    Comment


    • rhino55
      rhino55 commented
      Editing a comment
      There is alot of potential here.

      I think you decide if you want to get specific about each member or keep it more general about the band/youth as a whole.

      If you want to get more specific, you need to cut V2 and maybe add another about Bobby on the keys on something of the like.

      If you want to keep it more general (which would get my vote) I'd cut V3 and V4. I think you could keep elements of both but combine them into one verse, while keeping the we all ended up going our separate ways in mind, because that is your thesis.

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