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  • FBCK - Dancing with the Bottle PHASE 2

    OK! Frankenstein city. Cuts and more cuts. Blood everywhere. EDIT THE FAT!!!

     

    http://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-lee-knight-3/dancing-with-the-bottle-2-edit

     

    I've chosen not to change the lyric past my last edits in the lyric stage. I like the way it lays I think. What you're hearing here is 25 seconds of fat trimming. And in deleting bars I've had to choose certain riffs or fills from different instruments going into the next section. In other words, a lot of the transitions weren't actually played this way. A bass fill would've been perhaps playing to a different guitar and drum fill. But when you delete stuff you have to recreate the flow. The last chorus is even truncated, the whole middle section of C3 is ripped out, all in service of little pop listener brains wanting the message fast.

     

    So my motive here was to keep it moving! in the short attention span world of pop, while still keeping the integrity of the message and flow. It's been a challenge and a real education. Any and all input is welcome as always. If you you feel a certain lyric is still bugging, mention it if you care to. I'll still be recutting the vocal. Mix input, (banjo down further?), transitions, whatever you hear, lay it on me if you so desire...

     

    Speeding up the track hasn't happened yet but it will. (I can't seem to find a decent time compression algo)

     

    http://soundcloud.com/albert-s-j-lee-knight-3/dancing-with-the-bottle-2-edit

    __________
    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

  • #2
    Sounds great, so far.. I don't think I would cut the banjo any, as it puts in a backbone to the song.. You might want to balance out the piano and the lead though, it feels the guitar has such a strong presence while the piano is kinda settled back a little further in the mix...
    Long sigs suck

    I have a hard time getting rid of things

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      Guit-mangler wrote:
      Sounds great, so far.. I don't think I would cut the banjo any, as it puts in a backbone to the song.. You might want to balance out the piano and the lead though, it feels the guitar has such a strong presence while the piano is kinda settled back a little further in the mix...

       

      Thanks. Yeah, that piano to guitar solo thing. I've been back and forth. I hate sampled pianos. So I've been trying to get away with treating it like support in that section. And it isn't support, it's the 2nd solo instrument. So... thank you. You're right. I'll fix that to be a 50/50 split in the solo section volume wise.

       

      I really should've used the real piano but I suck and love MIDI...


  • #3

    Great!  You've got an audible transition break at 1:16.  I don't know if it is remnants of the split or perhaps a kick that hits at the end of one measure interacting with the kick on the first downbeat of the next, but there is something going on there.

    Other than that, you totally nailed it.  I might even consider adding another 10-15 seconds to the relaxed outro.  Let it hang around just a bit longer. 

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      Oswlek wrote:

      Great!  You've got an audible transition break at 1:16.  I don't know if it is remnants of the split or perhaps a kick that hits at the end of one measure interacting with the kick on the first downbeat of the next, but there is something going on there.

      Other than that, you totally nailed it.  I might even consider adding another 10-15 seconds to the relaxed outro.  Let it hang around just a bit longer. 


      Cool, thanks. So... at 1:16 there's that snare fill rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. There? But in the kick? I'm not sure I'm hearing it. I'll look tonight. But you mean there, yeah?


  • #4
    Ace love it

    I think the bit os means is where you do a crash, maybe two on the second to last snare hit rather than just the traditional last one, I'm thinking you did this in purpose?

    I'm also wondering on the choruses instead of saying "will you" it maybe stronger to say " you will"

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      stickboymusic wrote:
      Ace love it

      I think the bit os means is where you do a crash, maybe two on the second to last snare hit rather than just the traditional last one, I'm thinking you did this in purpose?

      I'm also wondering on the choruses instead of saying "will you" it maybe stronger to say " you will"


      You will be my partner as I glide across the floor

      You will be here waiting when I can back for more

       

      ^ ^ ^ Yeah, I can see that. It's a little clunky in the syntax though. Hmmm... I do like the effect of it and why you're suggesting it though. I get it. I'm going to have to live with that suggestion a little. I think I like it.

       

      And thanks for the clarification on the edit. I'll dig in tonight.


  • #5
    Agreed
    __________
    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

    Comment


    • Monkey Uncle
      Monkey Uncle commented
      Editing a comment

      Hi Lee,

      I've been pondering this song for days now, trying to figure out just why it is basically falling flat for me.  I mean, the lyric is tight and well-crafted, much better than a lot of the stuff coming out of Nashville these days.  The music good, too, and although it doesn't sound highly original, nothing in modern country music does, so that should not count against it.  Your performance and production are nearly flawless, as usual.  So why am I having this 'meh' reaction?

      Well, here is what I think I finally figured out.  The song sounds very sincere and sweet, like a guy talking to the love of his life.  There's no real feeling of loneliness or heartache in the chords and melody.  I know there's not a whole lot of superficial resemblance between your song and this one, but this is what pops into my mind, vibe-wise:

       

       

      Such a vibe might work for the beginning of the song if it was a true "twist" song without the reveal in the title.  Then when you get to the twist in the lyric, you could also hit us with a musical twist that changes things from sweet & nice to lonely guy with a 'tude.  But with the twist given away by the title, I think it needs to be lonely guy with a 'tude all the way.  Something like:

       

      Or:

       

      or:

      Or:

       

      And I don't mean to suggest that you should take any ideas from the story lines in these songs - I realize that isn't where you want to go.  You've got a good double-entendre lyric idea.  I'm thinking more of the feelings that the chords and melody evoke.

      Sorry for all the vibey-feely talk; if I was a better musician I could tell you in more technical terms what I'm thinking.  But maybe this can serve as an average listener perspective.

      Based on the other comments, I realize I'm in the minority with my opinion, so, as always, feel free to ignore. .png" alt=":smileyhappy:" title="Smiley Happy" />


  • #6
    Greatgreatgreat input! Really great
    __________
    Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

    Comment


    • #7

      I'm really examining that input monkey. While I'm trying to craft a pop tune and engage a listener immediately I really see how your mini opera could facilitate that if I handled it correctly. My take on that is that the initial verse and possibly even the intro goes to the relative minor and I craft the melody as a minor, sad one. As though the alcoholic, not that I have any experience in that :-), is forgetting where he's going to find himself after he kills his pain. i love it, so now I'm faced with actually having to really, really work at this again. Thank you and **************** you very much. :-)

      One doesn't always want to hear what one needs to hear. :-)

       

      I hope it's very clear that my FU is made in jest.

      __________
      Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

      Comment


      • Monkey Uncle
        Monkey Uncle commented
        Editing a comment

        Absolutely clear!  Glad I could mess with your mind. .png" alt=":smileywink:" title="Smiley Wink" />


    • #8
      Okay. Monkey, after reviewing closely all those songs you posted, the Charlie Daniels seems most in line with my intent here. Sort of celebrating the sad party of it all. i think the changes I am making right now, although small, are bringing it all a bit more in line.

      The great input from a few here have mentioned the early reveal in the intro. I've chosen to use the tag background vocals as the intro cannot give away too much too soon. But still I think that the tone of this song lends itself to more of a celebration, although a sad one, as an overall vibe. I'll post the update soon and look forward to your input as always.
      __________
      Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

      Comment


      • oldgitplayer
        oldgitplayer commented
        Editing a comment

        I'm not convinced that there's an issue here to be adressed. I think the chords and vocal melody serve the lyric.

        I agree - it's not a minor key 'sad' song. Drunks become morose and beligerent in a WTF sort of way. My only suggestion is to drink a few bottles yourself and do some vocal takes with a well lubricated attitude. See if you can inject a bit more emotional realism into the vocal take. 


    • #9
      Thank you Phil. And that is the eventual plan once I iron out some of the kinks. Right now I'm working on the drums and layout for Bend to get my mind off this whole thing and see if I can approach this one with a clear perspective vocally.
      __________
      Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

      Comment


      • #10
        Monkey, I just want to say that I'm not moving on you idea only because its out of my reach. I think it's a really good take on the tune. I just don't think I can swing something like that.

        Regarding the vocal, you're spot on. That a guide vocal that has been seriously manipulated to settle on a melody. And... Even the timing of it was tweaked to try ideas before I settled here. But it will be sung properly soon. Or at least as proper as I can make this style.
        __________
        Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

        Comment


        • LCK
          LCK commented
          Editing a comment

          Lee Knight wrote:
          Monkey, I just want to say that I'm not moving on you idea only because its out of my reach. I think it's a really good take on the tune. I just don't think I can swing something like that.

          I just want to re-iterate that I don't think there's anything wrong with this song except that it needs a tiny bit of context up front, whether that's an opening verse or even just an opening couplet.



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