Endure - another that needs reworking

[Oswlek]

 

This is a song I wrote about the emotional journey my wife and I went through when we found out our son has Down Syndrome.  From grief through fear and trepidation, finally resolve to be the best supporters and advocates we can be.  I know there is potential for some "awww" factor to come into play, but please be as critical as possible.  The song means a lot to me, and as of now it is only strong enough to lurk in the shadows.  I really want it to be one I am proud of not just for the subject matter, and I know it isn't quite there yet.  In particular there are some serious clunkers in the lyric, a few lines don't make any sense whatsoever. 

I've reddened the lines I am most unhappy with or unsure about, but everything is open for discussion.  Old recording, bad singing, yada yada yada...

Please don't post any condolence type comments.  Michael is a great boy and I wouldn't change him if I could.  Thanks for the help.

 

EDIT:  Can I just say that this picture^ melts my heart no matter how many times I see it?

 

V1A

Restless feet and uneasy hands

Wondering what God has planned

Alone... with our tears, and our fears

 

V1B

He will be the light of your life

Though it may take you some time

To accept this next step unknown.  I know

 

C

Son... your path may be

One... unyielding

You... you will endure

 

V2A

Expectations may change

Old routines rearrange

This new world, we will explore.  I'm sure

 

V2B

Life will ask a lot of you

At times you'll wish you were through

Hold on.  It's our decree, Mikey

 

C

Son... your path may be

One... unyielding

You... you will endure

 

B

What lies ahead won't beset us

You can live you life and that is glorious

And I know that it won't be smooth

But it's all right here for you

 

We'll survive, we will survive

We will endure

We'll survive, we will survive

We will endure

[rhino55]

 

Wowza... Thanks for inviting us to be a part of this highly personal song.

 

Lyrically I think the language could stand to be plainer. I'm thinking 'decree' and 'beset' which you already have in red.

 

For V2B

 

Life will ask a lot of you

At times you'll wish you were through

hold on. It's all any of us can do

 

That changes the rhyme scheme a bit but I think it could work.

 

For the second line of the chorus have you tried?

 

un.... yielding

 

As far as the bridge goes I think... and I might be reading too far into what you wrote in the OP not asking for condolences etc... expressing the sentiment that life will be hard for you just like it is for everybody, in that way we are all the same sort of thing might be cool.

[Oswlek]

 

---

rhino55 wrote:

 

 

Wowza... Thanks for inviting us to be a part of this highly personal song.

 

 

 

Lyrically I think the language could stand to be plainer. I'm thinking 'decree' and 'beset' which you already have in red.

 

 

 

For V2B

 

 

 

Life will ask a lot of you

 

At times you'll wish you were through

 

hold on. It's all any of us can do

 

 

 

That changes the rhyme scheme a bit but I think it could work.

 

 

 

For the second line of the chorus have you tried?

 

 

 

un.... yielding

 

 

 

As far as the bridge goes I think... and I might be reading too far into what you wrote in the OP not asking for condolences etc... expressing the sentiment that life will be hard for you just like it is for everybody, in that way we are all the same sort of thing might be cool.

---

 

I agree with eveything you have here, Ryan.  I wrote this several years ago when I thought the language had to be..... creative to be a proper lyric, but I was already thinking it needed to be more natural and straightforward.  Glad to get immediate confirmation on that.

Your idea for the bridge is dynamite, I'll let it rattle around and see what comes out.  The chorus and V2B ideas are also definite improvements, thanks.