WIP - Bend 1st draft

[Lee Knight]

*Updating here as I go:

 

Bend

 

V1

40 hours, they've been starin' at you like

You aren't from around here

But they're wrong, born and raised a Kentucky flower

Your colors wilder every year

 

Pre1

You never joined the water-cooler chain gang

You never buckle to the pressure of the same-same

 

C1

(they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

Bend like Kentucky Goldenrod, fighting the wind

Bend like it's the last time, then here it comes again

They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

Yeah, you gotta bend

 

V2

They got roots growin' deeper than a coal mine

Straight down through the office floor

But some dreams, well they won't keep

And yours ain't waiting anymore

 

Pre2

You'll never drink the company Kool Aid

You'll never settle then all a' sudden too late

 

C2

(they tell ya) You got to bend, so you bend the other way

Dig in and bend, laughin' like a child at play

Bend like Kentucky Goldenrod, fighting the wind

Bend like it's the last time, then here it comes again

They want you leaning backward but instead you lean in

Yeah, you gotta bend

 

Bridge

C3

 

OP:

V1

40 hours

Look at you like you're not from around here

Born and raised

But still stuck in second gear

You never buckled to the pressure of the same

Never bothered with who's to blame

 

C1

Bend, you got to bend the rules

Cause babe, your way is bent

Bend, you're a little bit different

And girl, that's heaven sent

Bend like a willow in the wind

But going the other way

Stand tall, give it your and all

You gotta bend

 

V2

Like Tungsten steel

Mom and dad raised you right

You do what you feel

Cause you got other things in sight

You never crumbled under strain

You got your own way

 

C2

Bend, you got to bend the rules

Cause babe, your way is bent

Bend, you're a little bit different

And girl, that's heaven sent

Bend like a willow in the wind

But going the other way

Stand tall, give it your and all

You gotta bend

[LCK]

I like it so far.

[Lee Knight]

It's really more of a good idea than a good lyric just yet.

[rhino55]

I'm not sure if all those bends will work during the chorus.  Then again depending on presentation it might be perfect.  This is probably a case of need to hear it.

I have no idea what you're writing this about, but I'd change the two lines in the chorus that refer to this person as being a girl or babe.  If you did this I could see it being a cool take on migrant (possibly illegal) laborers.

[Lee Knight]

 

---

rhino55 wrote:

 

 

I'm not sure if all those bends will work during the chorus.  Then again depending on presentation it might be perfect.  This is probably a case of need to hear it.

 

I have no idea what you're writing this about, but I'd change the two lines in the chorus that refer to this person as being a girl or babe.  If you did this I could see it being a cool take on migrant (possibly illegal) laborers.

---

 

Interesting.

 

I was hoping it might be clear. I'll have to make it so. The idea is, he's singing to his girlfriend/wife and noting how she is a one of a kind. Small town roots but never fit in. Always bucked the system. Sort of an ode to individuality even in a small town.

 

So, he could describe their lives in the city today perhaps, now that she's moved on and with him. Or not. I don't know... I just liked the idea of saying she's got to bend, but the bend is what she's doing to the rules. Or bending opposite the wind trying to influence her. Instead of compromise, it is the opposite, strength. But yeah, I need to clearer.   

 

Oh.. and, the amount of "bends" may or may not work. You're right, it'll depend on teh melody. The idea is to write a hook melody on the word. So everytime we hear it, we hear the little hook.

[Lee Knight]

Great stuff Phil. Right now I am immersed in finishing up this dancing with the bottle thing. Tomorrow I will look more closely and with a more intuitive reaction to your input. Though it does look very good right now, I have my concerns about losing the Bend hook. But I think you've dealt with it and pretty elegant way so I want to really examine this possibility. Thank you so much my friend.

[bee3]

Cool lyrics Lee...  really nice ideas in there.  Have you considered starting with the chorus?

[Lee Knight]

 

I hadn't but I think that is a great idea! A seriously great idea. There is that universal point I'm making in the chorus that probably needs to be made up front. And I intend on making the chorus as hooky as I can so yeah. And then the verse starts giving some background, that seems like a great order, I love it.

 

Great idea thank you.

[Chicken Monkey]

I see there have been a lot of comments, but I want to give you a "fresh" response, so I'll post before the rest of the thread colors my thoughts.

This song does not tell me what it's about. I think I can parse it out, but it doesn't entice me to figure it out. If you want a "mystery song" (think "Ode to Billie Joe"), you'll need a lot more bread crumbs, otherwise, we need some more backstory.

The message of the song seems to be, "you're a rebel, never stop fighting". The message is pretty strong, you just need to flesh out the context so it resonates on a personal level. The second use if bend (as in "the rules") is right in that sweet spot of "same word, different meaning, same message".

Two small quibbles--I don't know what a Kentucky wildflower is. Not sure if that's a gap in my knowledge or not, but it's got a place of prominence in the lyric that should be occupied by a more resonant image (again unless I'm just completely out if the loop on this). Second quibble--Kentucky is a right to work state. The 40 hour week is like Sasquatch there-people have heard of it, but no one's seen one. We're in the age of mandatory overtime, Saturday shifts, and flatlined wages in the face of skyrocketing production. Referencing a 40 hour week is a bit like putting a pay phone in a song--unless you're deliberately trying to evoke a bygone era, the image kind of clunks.

 

Short version--cool idea for a song, great message, you just need to build the story it's stuck in. You've got the meat for the sandwich, you just need to slice up some bread.

[Chicken Monkey]

Having read the thread (sorry, don't know how to edit on mobile) it sounds like others wanted more story, too, so that's all I was saying. Two mistakes I made--I crossed your two flower metaphors; Kentucky Goldenrod is the one I haven't heard of. I've heard of goldenrod--is Kentucky Goldenrod a regional joke, like the Michigan State Bird (ie, mosquito)? I may be getting hung up on that one based on my background in horticulture. Second, I glossed over the fact that you had your edited version posted in the OP, so it looked like the 40 hr week came up twice in the song (rather than once a piece in two versions).

[Lee Knight]

---

Chicken Monkey wrote:

I see there have been a lot of comments, but I want to give you a "fresh" response, so I'll post before the rest of the thread colors my thoughts.

This song does not tell me what it's about. I think I can parse it out, but it doesn't entice me to figure it out. If you want a "mystery song" (think "Ode to Billie Joe"), you'll need a lot more bread crumbs, otherwise, we need some more backstory.

The message of the song seems to be, "you're a rebel, never stop fighting". The message is pretty strong, you just need to flesh out the context so it resonates on a personal level. The second use if bend (as in "the rules") is right in that sweet spot of "same word, different meaning, same message".

Two small quibbles--I don't know what a Kentucky wildflower is. Not sure if that's a gap in my knowledge or not, but it's got a place of prominence in the lyric that should be occupied by a more resonant image (again unless I'm just completely out if the loop on this). Second quibble--Kentucky is a right to work state. The 40 hour week is like Sasquatch there-people have heard of it, but no one's seen one. We're in the age of mandatory overtime, Saturday shifts, and flatlined wages in the face of skyrocketing production. Referencing a 40 hour week is a bit like putting a pay phone in a song--unless you're deliberately trying to evoke a bygone era, the image kind of clunks.

 

Short version--cool idea for a song, great message, you just need to build the story it's stuck in. You've got the meat for the sandwich, you just need to slice up some bread.

---

Chicken Monkey wrote:

Having read the thread (sorry, don't know how to edit on mobile) it sounds like others wanted more story, too, so that's all I was saying. Two mistakes I made--I crossed your two flower metaphors; Kentucky Goldenrod is the one I haven't heard of. I've heard of goldenrod--is Kentucky Goldenrod a regional joke, like the Michigan State Bird (ie, mosquito)? I may be getting hung up on that one based on my background in horticulture. Second, I glossed over the fact that you had your edited version posted in the OP, so it looked like the 40 hr week came up twice in the song (rather than once a piece in two versions).

 

Wow! Thank you so much for thoughtful and detailed reaction. This is great stuff. First things first... I love the mobile version of the forum but yeah, no editing or quoting? But the navigation of the site rocks. Anyhoo...

 

"This song does not tell me what it's about. I think I can parse it out, but it doesn't entice me to figure it out. If you want a "mystery song" (think "Ode to Billie Joe"), you'll need a lot more bread crumbs, otherwise, we need some more backstory."

I'm not going for mystery. It's a by-product of my present skill level. I don't always know how to spell things out. It's not by design though. So, "This song does not tell me what it's about." I agree. You know the old "show, don't tell" thing? That's what I'm trying to do with the office workers looking at her like she's not from around here. I am, admittedly, trying to say a lot and quite possibly too much, with too little. And I don't disagree with your point here, CM. It is something I'm consciously working on in this song.

 

So help me out! Any ideas anyone on how to do what CM's talking about?

 

-I don't know what a Kentucky wildflower is"

My first reaction to that ^ is, of course you do. A wildflower, something pretty, but hard to control, growing in the state of Kentucky. Just simple metaphor. Is this a problem? It feels very clear to me. I'm perplexed but want to know more from you if you can help me out here. Sometimes I think my weak link is the ability to know what is clear and what isn't.

 

"Kentucky Goldenrod is the one I haven't heard of. I've heard of goldenrod--is Kentucky Goldenrod a regional joke, like the Michigan State Bird (ie, mosquito)? I may be getting hung up on that one based on my background in horticulture."

 

So, if you've heard of goldenrod, why would the modifier "Kentucky" throw you? What's a California Poppy? Goldenrod is a wildflower that happens to be Kentucky's state flower. Like a Kentucky wildflower. But I was hoping that we don't need to know any of those things. Once again, my clarity issues rear their ugly head.

 

Kentucky is a right to work state. The 40 hour week is like Sasquatch there-people have heard of it, but no one's seen one. We're in the age of mandatory overtime, Saturday shifts, and flatlined wages in the face of skyrocketing production. Referencing a 40 hour week is a bit like putting a pay phone in a song--unless you're deliberately trying to evoke a bygone era, the image kind of clunks.

It never in a million years occurred to me that referencing the 40 hour work week could mean anything other that your typical low to mid office worker's hour's. Not trying to reference a bygone era. I was sincerely trying to encapsulate an office worker's experience in an office park in the outskirts of, say, Lexington. I work in an office and pull a lot of hours. As do all my peers. But the low to lowmid guys do 40. Is this not the broad perception anymore?

 

"...you'll need a lot more bread crumbs, otherwise, we need some more backstory."

There's that word again, backstory. I keep hearing it in conjunction of my tunes, as in, lack of one. I just think we're placing too much focus on backstory. In a 3 minute tune, as experienced by LISTENING, I believe we need to make the mental images we paint really hit the listener. And then that picture they hopefully see in their mind's eye fills in the backstory. Just as it is right now as I look across the coffee bar at a cute runner coming in for her latte right now. I'm filling in her backstory. eh-hem

 

That may be another of my weaknesses. Lack of backstory. Maybe you're using the term in a different way than I do. I'm not sure. Anyway... lots of great stuff to consider here. And please don't be shy in returning to clarify some of your points after my reactions. Great stuff. It's inspiring me to really take a clean stab at a rewrite.

 

[Chicken Monkey]

I needed to know that goldenrod was the state flower--that's a limitation on my end. It's not your song's job to teach me that.

 

As for "show, don't tell", I think you've got the opposite problem you think you have. You've got a borderline-anthemic, message-y chorus. That's just fine, but anthems tell instead of show. Think "Living on a Prayer" or "Say it Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud)"--the chorus just tells you how the characters/listeners are supposed to feel. The chorus is a good place for such bold and bald statements. But the verses have to show us where the sentiment lives. Right now, I (and it sounds like others) don't have enough to know what's exactly going on, what the conflict that the main character feels with the coworkers, who the narrator of the ding is, and so on. For all I can tell, the subject if the song is a pain in the butt who insists on expressing her individuality to the point that it inconveniences everyone else. Can you tell I have a specific "free spirit" in mind? Said spirit was ostracized from the office culture on account of her independent streak insisting she was entitled to microwave fish in the staff lounge a few times a week. But I digress. I'm just looking for the information I need to sympathize with your heroine.

[Lee Knight]

 

---

Chicken Monkey wrote:

 

I needed to know that goldenrod was the state flower--that's a limitation on my end. It's not your song's job to teach me that.

 

 

 

As for "show, don't tell", I think you've got the opposite problem you think you have. You've got a borderline-anthemic, message-y chorus. That's just fine, but anthems tell instead of show. Think "Living on a Prayer" or "Say it Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud)"--the chorus just tells you how the characters/listeners are supposed to feel. The chorus is a good place for such bold and bald statements. But the verses have to show us where the sentiment lives. Right now, I (and it sounds like others) don't have enough to know what's exactly going on, what the conflict that the main character feels with the coworkers, who the narrator of the ding is, and so on. For all I can tell, the subject if the song is a pain in the butt who insists on expressing her individuality to the point that it inconveniences everyone else. Can you tell I have a specific "free spirit" in mind? Said spirit was ostracized from the office culture on account of her independent streak insisting she was entitled to microwave fish in the staff lounge a few times a week. But I digress. I'm just looking for the information I need to sympathize with your heroine.

---

 

 

I am by no means writing an anthem. This is more of a little pep talk. Or a celebration for a type of character. And I like the small detail story drawing a picture of her a little for the listener. Though it can always be better realized. But this is not an anthem. The music I have going is very driving distorted electric guitar country. But, dare I say it, down home too.

 

I'll try to post something early in the week. CM, your input is great so far so please stay tuned. Much appreciated.

[Chicken Monkey]

I had an even-more-judgey term than Anthem in that post originally, so I changed it to the less accurate but less likely to be misunderstood term. I like both of the examples I cited, so being an anthem (or being "preachy", my original adjective) is neutral at worst. Here's another example of a song with an abstract, tell-rather-than-show chorus--Slip Slidin Away. Chorus just tells us the message, but the verses really flesh it out by showing. You definitely don't have to take my advice, I'm just coming back to this thread to make sure I'm understood.

[rsadasiv]

He's just a soul whose intentions are good....

[Lee Knight]

Boom! That makes sense to me MU! Thank you so much. Very specific as to what needs repair.