NEW WIP - Washing out the Blue

[oldgitplayer]

It's Sunday afternoon, and a new song has formed from somewhere inside me.

Please read, but don't ask what it means - I don't do meaning on Sundays. (Hmmm...that could be the title of my next song).

Any thoughts on what I might do with it? Ballady Norwegian Woodish, or up-tempo? I'm hearing up-tempo sort of 'Memphis Blues Again' 

 

Washing out the Blue

 

V1

I stood upon her threshold

Looked in past the door

Guitar in the corner

Mattress on the floor

 

A poster proclaimed freedom

Uncertainty still reigned

Free to go anywhere

So why did she remain?

 

No-one asks the question

But often it is true

That love seems like an answer

When you're washing out the blue

 

V2

I thumbed through her records

Looked through her books

What was there to share

Once we'd traded looks?

 

She told me that her Jesus

was better than mine

I said 'Fine' in a whisper

'I really didn't mind'

 

No-one asks the question

But often it is true

That love seems like an answer

When you're washing out the blue

 

V3

She said that she could love me

I knew that she lied

Her body was just needy

And much more besides

 

I slept a brief moment

Then left without goodbyes

The poster cried its freedom

With nothing realised

 

No-one asks the question

But often it is true

That love seems like an answer

When you're washing out the blue

[Oswlek]

Very cool.  It has a "Norweigan Wood" style it-sounds-deep-but-I-don't-exactly-get-it vibe.  Something about the final verse stanza (not the chorus) bugged me phonetically, but I can't put my finger on it.  At first I thought it might be different line lengths compared to the rest of the song but a cursory recheck proved that wrong.  Maybe that you are reusing the strong "I" rhyme from the stanza before it?  I wish I could be more helpful.

One of my favorites of yours, looking forward to hearing it.

[Monkey Uncle]

I like it.  Although some of the details might be a little cryptic, the meaning comes through clearly enough (or at least my mind imputes a meaning that makes sense to me).

But of course, there are a couple of things that bug me (hey, it wouldn't be critique if I didn't find something to pick at).  The Jesus stanza sticks out as not really fitting with the rest of the lyric.  Not really sure what you were going for there, but it doesn't mesh with the picture I was building in my mind.  Also, these two lines seem a little too blunt:

I slept a brief moment

Then left without goodbyes

I was actually craving a little more opacity at that moment in the lyric.  As they are, those two lines convey sort of a "wham-bam, thank you, ma'am" feel in a lyric that is otherwise all about subtleties.

But this is great work.  I agree that this is one of the best we've seen from you in a while.

[bee3]

Really dug this...

 

She said that she could love me

I knew that she lied

Her body was just needy

And much more besides

 

 

 

[oldgitplayer]

Thanks guys - it's good to know that there is some liking for this. It is a 1st draft, so I know from past experience that I'll be doing some re-writing, and scrapping, and coming up with new verses to replace some of the current ones.

Hopefully I might find some music where this came from. Unfortunately 90% of all my lyrics remain without music - It's frustrating, but a fact I have to live with until I find that pot of musical talent at the end of a rainbow.

It's bedtime over here, so I'll be on to it in the morning. (i.e. working on it - not looking for a coloured gizmo in the sky).

[oldgitplayer]

 

---

bee3 wrote:

 

Really dug this...

 

 

 

She said that she could love me

 

I knew that she lied

 

Her body was just needy

 

And much more besides

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Oh well - somebody likes it.

[rsadasiv]

---

rockker wrote:

Ok so a couple days ago i dyed my hair blonde and black.... Last night i i separated the blonde from the black like putting it up in a pony tail or something... It was really hard though cuz no matter what i kept getting some black strands... Anyways, I was trying really hard not to mix the black and blonde together... and after I got out of the shower I noticed there was some blue on the blonde.

 

australia divorce records

---

yep, somebody really likes it.

[Marshal]

I really like " I don't do meaning on Sundays."

 

. . . , I'm just sayin'

 

I really like the "Blue" lyric. It's not Sunday anymore. What does "Washing out the blue" mean?