Members bee3 Posted July 1, 2013 Members Share Posted July 1, 2013 This is a new one I'm working on...Edit: here is a video for this one. Forgotten ManI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 1, 2013 Members Share Posted July 1, 2013 This is a great start. There are a few spots that could use some smoothing. Forgotten Man I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 1, 2013 Moderators Share Posted July 1, 2013 I'm little distracted by my emotion reading that to offer any input. I love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 1, 2013 Moderators Share Posted July 1, 2013 Now I sit beside your graveI wish your life I could have saved (wording is awkward)Son, this I promise youI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Members Share Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks guys. I'll give those ideas a whirl... tomorrow. Minutes after I finished this last night (as I was uploading to YouTube), I got blindsided by a nasty stomach bug. Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members solobtv Posted July 2, 2013 Members Share Posted July 2, 2013 It takes a lot of guts to put work up for scrutiny. Good luck to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators davie Posted July 7, 2013 Moderators Share Posted July 7, 2013 Nice tune.I understand the concept you're going for, which is kinda tough to convey. I found the perspective kind of hard and confusing to follow at times. Feels like there a lot of jumping around between the characters, the father, the mother and the son. And then you turn the whole song completely around at the end. If it weren't for the lyrics on the page it would have been an even harder song to follow.Another issue I had was with the chorus. The 2nd half of the choruses change each time, which I felt made the choruses not stand out enough, especially when your verses are relatively long.Just my two cents. I hope this feedback is helpful to you.Btw, I'm not sure if anyone else noticed it or not, but the melody of the first and second line of each verse sounds a lot like the song "I Dreamed a Dream". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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