Stained Glass Window - final (?)

[bee3]

OK... did some work. Re-did the vox, flute, and piano part.

 

http://soundcloud.com/justind/stained-glass-window

 

Don't believe the words they told you

They were so absurd

The lies they told the congregation

A hundred years unheard

 

Well I'd rather be an honest man

Than suffering fool who thinks he can

Hide behind his stained glass window

And I'd rather be blasphemous

Than to be impervious

In the name of being hallowed

 

Recite again the prayers they taught you

And comprehend the words

So each describes a situation

Each a lesson learned

 

Well I'd rather be an honest man

Than suffering fool who thinks he can

Hide behind his stained glass window

And I'd rather be blasphemous

Than to be impervious

In the name of being hallowed

[LCK]

Beautiful song. Just lovely.

 

There are still some shaky spots lyrically.

 

Don't believe the words they told you

They were so absurd

The lies they told the congregation

A hundred years unheard

 

If they were unheard, then who cares whether they're lies or the truth? And wouldn't a thousand years be more like it? To me this is an example of what we all do sometimes, we write for a rhyme without nailing what we really want to say. And when I talk about nailing something, I don't mean hitting the nail on the head. I think it's usually best to express things in a sideways or underhanded fashion, especially when writing a didactic lyric, which is what this is.

 

Recite again the prayers they taught you

And comprehend the words

So each describes a situation

Each a lesson learned

 

The last two lines here are way too generalized, plus they seem to be off point. Also, the opening of this verse seems to contradict the pov of the first verse.

 

As for the chorus, it's great except as noted:

 

And I'd rather be -- ee blasphemous (I noted this stretched out "e" sound before)

Than to be impervious

 

As for that last line, it should either read "than be impervious," NOT "than to be impervious." That syntactical structure would only work if the previous line were "I'd rather to be blasphemous than to be impervious..." So the proper structure would be:

 

It's better to be blasphemous

than to be impervious

 

Of course that's a generalized statement, it doesn't have the personal stamp of "I'd rather be..."

 

I think the best way to phrase this, structurally speaking, is: "I'd rather be blasphemous than impervious." That doesn't solve the problem of the stretched out "e" on "be," and it leaves you with empty space, musically on the impervious line. This...

 

I'd rather be half-blasphemous

than totally impervious

 

...might work much better.

 

I think it says what you want to say, and it falls "trippingly off the tongue."

 

LCK

[bee3]

Beautiful song. Just lovely. There are still some shaky spots lyrically. Don't believe the words they told you They were so absurd The lies they told the congregation A hundred years unheard If they were unheard, then who cares whether they're lies or the truth? And wouldn't a thousand years be more like it? To me this is an example of what we all do sometimes, we write for a rhyme without nailing what we really want to say. And when I talk about nailing something, I don't mean hitting the nail on the head. I think it's usually best to express things in a sideways or underhanded fashion, especially when writing a didactic lyric, which is what this is.

So, in my head, I was thinking about the current pedophilia scandal, particularly in the Philadelphia area... it's all coming to light in the media now... with cases dating back approximately 50 years or so... I rounded up.

 

Digesting your other comments now...

[rhino55]

 

Beautiful song. Just lovely. There are still some shaky spots lyrically. Don't believe the words they told you They were so absurd The lies they told the congregation A hundred years unheard If they were unheard, then who cares whether they're lies or the truth? And wouldn't a thousand years be more like it? To me this is an example of what we all do sometimes, we write for a rhyme without nailing what we really want to say. And when I talk about nailing something, I don't mean hitting the nail on the head. I think it's usually best to express things in a sideways or underhanded fashion, especially when writing a didactic lyric, which is what this is.

 

 

'A hundred years unheard' can stay and still make sense if the previous line is changed to reference truth instead of lies.

[Oswlek]

Where did those opening flute parts go?

 

I also recall there being a flute part between the couplets in the second verse as well, and think it should return.

 

You did some of what I asked in the interlude, but hearing it I think I was wrong. It was better before.

 

Personally, I think if you take these vocals (turned up, they are too quiet) and slap in into the previous music mix, you'd have a winner.

[bee3]

 

'A hundred years unheard' can stay and still make sense if the previous line is changed to reference truth instead of lies.

 

 

Lies being unheard... meaning folks simply didn't know they were happening or chose to ignore them. Am I way off base?

[bee3]

Where did those opening flute parts go? I also recall there being a flute part between the couplets in the second verse as well, and think it should return. You did some of what I asked in the interlude, but hearing it I think I was wrong. It was better before. Personally, I think if you take these vocals (turned up, they are too quiet) and slap in into the previous music mix, you'd have a winner.

I grew to hate the flute intro... and the second half of the original flute part was kind of sucky.

[Oswlek]

 

Lies being unheard... meaning folks simply didn't know they were happening or chose to ignore them. Am I way off base?

 

 

They are correct that the truth being unheard is really what is the problem....

 

 

That said, the lines don't bother me in the least. Nor does the "eee" or "to be" in the chorus. I do think the "lesson learned" couplet could be improved if it were more alligned with the "comprehend" part.

[rhino55]

 

Lies being unheard... meaning folks simply didn't know they were happening or chose to ignore them. Am I way off base?

 

 

The lies were heard. The truth was unheard or ignored.

[Oswlek]

I grew to hate the flute intro... and the second half of the original flute part was kind of sucky.

 

Trust me, those opening flute parts worked well.

 

When it comes to the interaction between the organ/flute parts, IMO the trick is just leaving a little space for the first few notes of the opposite line. But after doing that, you can come back in. For instance, the organ line ends at 2:33 and doesn't return until 2:40. You don't need to give the flute that much space, a 3 second pause between 2:33 and 2:36 is more than enough.

 

I like how the converge a 2:40, but I'd have them do another back-and-forth type thing at 2:46 instead of staying in unison, and have them come together at the very end (2:58).

 

Of course, you are free to follow my sig. Just passing along how I might approach it.

[Lee Knight]

Yeah, you gotta keep all the flutes! Personally, I love the re-write. I think it's great. Except for that 100 years unheard. How about...

 

Don't believe the words they told you

They were so absurd

The lies they told the congregation

As if they were "the word"

The truth so seldom heard

The truth so often blurred

 

Anyway, I love this tune.

[stickboymusic]

BRING BACK THE INTRO FLUTES!!

 

They draw you in instantly and I think are VERY important.

 

I have no problem with the lines

 

The lies they told the congregation

A hundred years unheard

 

Im taking that even back then they were speaking lies (covering truths) but it hasnt been spoken of in a long time.... and now it may be resurfacing... was it truth or lies? the people are dead... who knows?

[Oswlek]

 

BRING BACK THE INTRO FLUTES!! They draw you in instantly and I think are VERY important. I have no problem with the lines The lies they told the congregation A hundred years unheard Im taking that even back then they were speaking lies (covering truths) but it hasnt been spoken of in a long time.... and now it may be resurfacing... was it truth or lies? the people are dead... who knows?

 

 

Totally. And, even though it may not be fully accurate written, has anyone failed to understand exactly what you mean?

[Lee Knight]

 

Totally. And, even though it may not be fully accurate written, has anyone failed to understand exactly what you mean?

 

 

I won't argue that it's fine to stay, but the only reason I mentioned it is because I didn't understand it. I made the mistake thinking that the line was filler and didn't mean anything and was happy to find out it did. If everybody gets it, it sure sounds good and sings great.

[Oswlek]

I won't argue that it's fine to stay, but the only reason I mentioned it is because I didn't understand it. I made the mistake thinking that the line was filler and didn't mean anything and was happy to find out it did. If everybody gets it, it sure sounds good and sings great.

 

OK, well that answers my question.

[bee3]

OK, well that answers my question.

Just remember, Lee is probably still heavily medicated. :poke:

 

The intro flutes will return... (but I'm gonna re-record them).

[Lee Knight]

 

Just remember, Lee is probably still heavily medicated. :poke: The intro flutes will return... (but I'm gonna re-record them).

 

 

Oww!!!!! You made me lol for real!!!! That's funny. And unfortunately no meds. "We need you aware of your pain so you don't open up your incision". Oh... ok...

[bee3]

Where did those opening flute parts go? I also recall there being a flute part between the couplets in the second verse as well, and think it should return. You did some of what I asked in the interlude, but hearing it I think I was wrong. It was better before. Personally, I think if you take these vocals (turned up, they are too quiet) and slap in into the previous music mix, you'd have a winner.

Anyone else think the vox are too low? I think they're fine?

[bee3]

First post updated with new link (intro flutes back in).

[Oswlek]

So much better. Are some of the other flute parts coming back a well?

 

I do think the vocals a little low, and I have to admit to not being a fan of the melodic drop on "ous" in "blasphemous". I think it would sound so much better if you just held the same note through that part.

[bee3]

There are no other flute parts... Take a listen back to the original... let me know if I'm missing something???

[Oswlek]

There are no other flute parts... Take a listen back to the original... let me know if I'm missing something???

 

Wasn't there some flute in the open space of the second verse? If not, it could sure use some.

 

Just listened. I guess I was wrong. Not the first time, probably won't be the last.

[rsadasiv]

This is great. Sounds of Silence for the modern day.

[shortchord]

Regarding all of the discussion of this line:

 

 

The lies they told the congregation A hundred years unheard

 

 

Since the "hundred years" is not the critical part of the line, maybe something like:

 

The lies they told the congregation

The painful truth unheard

 

or

 

The lies they told the congregation

The truth so long unheard

 

Edit: or maybe "shameful truth unheard."

[rhino55]

A communion of lies

with the painful truth unheard