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So much better. Are some of the other flute parts coming back a well?
I do think the vocals a little low, and I have to admit to not being a fan of the melodic drop on "ous" in "blasphemous". I think it would sound so much better if you just held the same note through that part.
The flutes are fantabulous. And the vocal harmonies that come in on verse 2 are just the right touch at the right time.
Gotta agree with this, though:
As for the chorus, it's great except as noted:
And I'd rather be -- ee blasphemous (I noted this stretched out "e" sound before) Than to be impervious
As for that last line, it should either read "than be impervious," NOT "than to be impervious." That syntactical structure would only work if the previous line were "I'd rather to be blasphemous than to be impervious..." So the proper structure would be:
It's better to be blasphemous than to be impervious
Of course that's a generalized statement, it doesn't have the personal stamp of "I'd rather be..."
I think the best way to phrase this, structurally speaking, is: "I'd rather be blasphemous than impervious." That doesn't solve the problem of the stretched out "e" on "be," and it leaves you with empty space, musically on the impervious line. This...
I'd rather be half-blasphemous than totally impervious
...might work much better.
But instead of inserting "half" in front of blasphemous, I'd just delay starting that line a little to eliminate the stretched-out "be." So, instead of hitting the first syllable of "rather" on the downbeat, let that downbeat go by and hit the "I'd" half a beat after the downbeat.
I was also thinking that the pauses after the second and fourth lines of each verse could use a little instrumental fill. The flute would sound great there, although I guess you don't want to over-use it.
Again, this is excellent work - the best I've heard from you in my time on this board.
Thanks Monkey... and everyone else. You know, the stretching of the syllables and the misuse of syntax really doesn't bother me. I'm pretty happy with the vocal takes on this one and am really hesitant to go back in there and mess it up.
A big thank you to everyone for your comments. I'm quite happy with how this turned out... especially because it was a spur of the moment thing with little planning. I just sat down and banged it out. I wish they all happened that way!