Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 We're having the final "listening party" for our soon-to-be-released second album, so I'm trying to get a head start on writing my portion of the 3rd. I've got a baby due in a month, and I get the feeling I won't be good for much for a few years. This tune actually started as a children's song, but it started to get a bit too sensual for that project. The demo is just looped guitar, voice, and MIDI kick drum. I'm picturing maybe a Creedence-type swamp-pop feel to it when I get it fleshed out. Any feedback is helpful--I've put some sweat into this lyric, but it's still pretty raw.JellyI know a place where the vines get tangled and the berries are ripe for the pluckingI can scramble down into the bramble, it's a place I don't mind getting stuck inI can show you where the wild fruit grows, it hangs from the branches for the pickingWe could head deep into the wood, and bring a bushel back to the kitchen (Chorus) I can show you just how it's done, I've got and old family recipeSo tie back your hair, roll up your sleeves, and honey, make jelly with me It's got to simmer and you might be late for dinner but I guarantee it's worth your timeI can promise that you won't go back to Smucker's even once, once you've tasted mineIt might get hot, and it might get sticky but honey don't you be afraidIf we prepare with tender loving care, nothing can compare to home-made(chorus) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 Great! I'm not lyric expert, but it all worked for me and I like the melodic flow.The only thing that bothered me was the excessive use of tremolo. If I were mixing this, I'd keep it isolated on those lead bits and recorded a separate clean acoustic rhymthm track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 1, 2013 Author Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 W/R/T tremolo, I intend to put SOME tremolo on the final track, but what's there is pretty much to cover up the snips between loops... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saturn1 Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 I like it. The swampy vibe is perfect. The second line of the second verse seems like it has one too many syllables. It seems to force you to rush through all the words which breaks that laid back swamp feel. It might be the "once, once", but that might still sound okay if there was more space to seperate them.A good friend of mine wrote some of his best stuff during the first 8 months of his first child's life. He claimed that sitting up late at night with the baby was very inspirational. Most of the things he wrote then were not even the overly sweet, sentimental things you might anticipate either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 This is great. I'm not a big fan of two words bramble and bushel. I don't think you necessarily need to change them.For something like this I think it is going to rely on regional speech patterns or what rings true for you. If those are everyday words you would use, then I say keep them. Also the second line should start with We instead of I. Also also, I couldn't play without a pick before my kid was born. I learned to use the fingers on my picking hand out of necessity when my kid was about a year old. Best advice somebody gave me. Don't stop doing what you do when you bring the baby home from the hospital. If you play guitar, play guitar. If you watch movies at a certain volume, watch them at a certain volume. Babies will adapt to whatever environment you put them in. They've been listening while in their mamma's belly anyway. If you bring them home from the hospital and try and make it dead quite the first couple of weeks to try and get them to sleep, they will require that kind of dead quite for a long time. Rewind. So when my kid was one that was about the age she wouldn't sleep if she heard me playing. It wasn't that she didn't like the sound or that it bothered her. It was more like she was ready to hangout. Thus the rhino getting quieter by using my fingers instead of a pick.You'll find yourself playing lullabies soft and slow which you'll eventually tire of. You'll start making up your own words which gets pretty fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 Sorry, I get a little disoriented when the music opens in the same pane as the lyric and comments.With that said, I listened to the opening verse. It sounds really good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 LCK wrote: Sorry, I get a little disoriented when the music opens in the same pane as the lyric and comments. With that said, I listened to the opening verse. It sounds really good. Just right click on it and hit open in new tab or window or whatever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 1, 2013 Author Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 LCK wrote: Sorry, I get a little disoriented when the music opens in the same pane as the lyric and comments. With that said, I listened to the opening verse. It sounds really good. Ugh. That is annoying. They must have changed the imbed defaults. I think I've fixed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 1, 2013 Members Share Posted August 1, 2013 I'm guessing you are on a Mac, so your mouse only has one button. Hold down the option key while clicking on the link? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 2, 2013 Author Members Share Posted August 2, 2013 rsadasiv wrote: I'm guessing you are on a Mac, so your mouse only has one button. Hold down the option key while clicking on the link? Control and click pulls up a menu with "open link in a new window" on it. But I've fixed the link; it should open in a new window when you click on it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 8, 2013 Author Members Share Posted August 8, 2013 I imagine the rough edges of the lyric will get knocked off as I work on this one, but thanks for noting the spots that aren't working again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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