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  • Embryonic New Tune ("Jelly")

    We're having the final "listening party" for our soon-to-be-released second album, so I'm trying to get a head start on writing my portion of the 3rd.  I've got a baby due in a month, and I get the feeling I won't be good for much for a few years.  This tune actually started as a children's song, but it started to get a bit too sensual for that project.  The demo is just looped guitar, voice, and MIDI kick drum.  I'm picturing maybe a Creedence-type swamp-pop feel to it when I get it fleshed out.  Any feedback is helpful--I've put some sweat into this lyric, but it's still pretty raw.

    Jelly

    I know a place where the vines get tangled and the berries are ripe for the plucking

    I can scramble down into the bramble, it's a place I don't mind getting stuck in

    I can show you where the wild fruit grows, it hangs from the branches for the picking

    We could head deep into the wood, and bring a bushel back to the kitchen

     

    (Chorus)  I can show you just how it's done, I've got and old family recipe

    So tie back your hair, roll up your sleeves, and honey, make jelly with me

     

    It's got to simmer and you might be late for dinner but I guarantee it's worth your time

    I can promise that you won't go back to Smucker's even once, once you've tasted mine

    It might get hot, and it might get sticky but honey don't you be afraid

    If we prepare with tender loving care, nothing can compare to home-made

    (chorus)

    <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://jukejointhandmedowns.com" target="_blank">Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-but-the-squeal/id517608194" target="_blank">Find our album on iTunes!</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://idlehandsmusic.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A Month of Songs </a> (Songwriting blog)<br />
    <br />
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    <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
    <a href="showthread.php?p=42081230#post42081230" rel="nofollow"><img class="inlineimg" src="images/buttons/viewpost-right.png" alt="View Post" /></a>
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    <div class="message">Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.</div>

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  • #2

    Great!  I'm not lyric expert, but it all worked for me and I like the melodic flow.

    The only thing that bothered me was the excessive use of tremolo.  If I were mixing this, I'd keep it isolated on those lead bits and recorded a separate clean acoustic rhymthm track.

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

    Comment


    • Chicken Monkey
      Chicken Monkey commented
      Editing a comment

      W/R/T tremolo, I intend to put SOME tremolo on the final track, but what's there is pretty much to cover up the snips between loops...


  • #3

    I like it.  The swampy vibe is perfect. 

    The second line of the second verse seems like it has one too many syllables.  It seems to force you to rush through all the words which breaks that laid back swamp feel.  It might be the "once, once", but that might still sound okay if there was more space to seperate them.

    A good friend of mine wrote some of his best stuff during the first 8 months of his first child's life.  He claimed that sitting up late at night with the baby was very inspirational.  Most of the things he wrote then were not even the overly sweet, sentimental things you might anticipate either.

     

    <div class="signaturecontainer"><font face="Comic Sans MS"><font color="blue">If I can't be seen as a role model, I will have to settle for being a warning.<br />
    Blog: <a href="http://www.guitaraccompanist.com" target="_blank">www.guitaraccompanist.com</a></font></font></div>

    Comment


    • rhino55
      rhino55 commented
      Editing a comment

      This is great.

      I'm not a big fan of two words bramble and bushel. I don't think you necessarily need to change them.
      For something like this I think it is going to rely on regional speech patterns or what rings true for you. If those are everyday words you would use, then I say keep them.

      Also the second line should start with We instead of I.

      Also also, I couldn't play without a pick before my kid was born. I learned to use the fingers on my picking hand out of necessity when my kid was about a year old. Best advice somebody gave me. Don't stop doing what you do when you bring the baby home from the hospital. If you play guitar, play guitar. If you watch movies at a certain volume, watch them at a certain volume. Babies will adapt to whatever environment you put them in. They've been listening while in their mamma's belly anyway. If you bring them home from the hospital and try and make it dead quite the first couple of weeks to try and get them to sleep, they will require that kind of dead quite for a long time.  Rewind. So when my kid was one that was about the age she wouldn't sleep if she heard me playing. It wasn't that she didn't like the sound or that it bothered her. It was more like she was ready to hangout. Thus the rhino getting quieter by using my fingers instead of a pick.

      You'll find yourself playing lullabies soft and slow which you'll eventually tire of. You'll start making up your own words which gets pretty fun.

       


  • #4

    Sorry, I get a little disoriented when the music opens in the same pane as the lyric and comments.

    With that said, I listened to the opening verse. It sounds really good.

    "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

    Comment


    • rhino55
      rhino55 commented
      Editing a comment

      LCK wrote:

      Sorry, I get a little disoriented when the music opens in the same pane as the lyric and comments.

      With that said, I listened to the opening verse. It sounds really good.


      Just right click on it and hit open in new tab or window or whatever


    • Chicken Monkey
      Chicken Monkey commented
      Editing a comment

      LCK wrote:

      Sorry, I get a little disoriented when the music opens in the same pane as the lyric and comments.

      With that said, I listened to the opening verse. It sounds really good.


      Ugh.  That is annoying.  They must have changed the imbed defaults.  I think I've fixed it.


  • #5
    I'm guessing you are on a Mac, so your mouse only has one button. Hold down the option key while clicking on the link?
    Lyrics Songs Demos Videos Covers Facebook Tumblr

    Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.

    -Coco Chanel

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    • Chicken Monkey
      Chicken Monkey commented
      Editing a comment

      rsadasiv wrote:
      I'm guessing you are on a Mac, so your mouse only has one button. Hold down the option key while clicking on the link?

      Control and click pulls up a menu with "open link in a new window" on it.  But I've fixed the link; it should open in a new window when you click on it now.


  • #6

    I imagine the rough edges of the lyric will get knocked off as I work on this one, but thanks for noting the spots that aren't working again.

    <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://jukejointhandmedowns.com" target="_blank">Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-but-the-squeal/id517608194" target="_blank">Find our album on iTunes!</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://idlehandsmusic.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A Month of Songs </a> (Songwriting blog)<br />
    <br />
    <div class="bbcode_container">
    <div class="bbcode_quote">
    <div class="quote_container">
    <div class="bbcode_quote_container"></div>

    <div class="bbcode_postedby">
    <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
    <a href="showthread.php?p=42081230#post42081230" rel="nofollow"><img class="inlineimg" src="images/buttons/viewpost-right.png" alt="View Post" /></a>
    </div>
    <div class="message">Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.</div>

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