Members rhino55 Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 Like I said in that other thread, I drank some wine. Another slidey thing in open D. New tuning fun! I'll probably start doing an instrumental section in there after the first chorus bridge thing. This is another first pass.Feeling Wine Every spirit has its paceI guess they each have their placeRight nowI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monkey Uncle Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 I can tell you were a little further along on this one. I like the nice, relaxed feel. However, there's one spot in the verses that feels a bit rushed. The second line runs directly into the "right now" refrain, but my ear wanted a slight pause there. I have to say, the last two verses felt like you were out of lyrical ideas and were just reaching for something to fill the space. Especially the cops line, which feels totally out of place in such a mellow song. I know, it was three in the morning and you were polishing off the bottle. I'd be lucky if I could strum an A chord in that situation. But you might want to take another look at this one in the light of day and see if you can hone the imagery a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 Really cool feel throughout, and the hook is killer. I disagree w/ the other Monkey regarding going right into "right now"--sounds fine to my ear. I think the last two verses are a bit shallow, and the last one in particular. Calling the cops sounds a bit harsh, particularly if the tone of this song is an indicator of your demeanor after a bottle of wine--no one's ever brought in the police to stop laconic slide guitar and whisper-singing. "Bang out" also chafes for me, both in the choice of words and the letter sounds that make up the words. But definitely a song worth pursuing in the light of day. "Feeling wine", I assume, is intended to sound like "feeling fine"--that's you're hook. What kind of guitar was this played on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 rhino55 wrote: Like I said in that other thread, I drank some wine. Another slidey thing in open D. New tuning fun! I'll probably start doing an instrumental section in there after the first chorus bridge thing. This is another first pass.Feeling Wine I love it.Lyrically I think you can do a bit more with the conceit. Maybe something like: Every spirit has its flowVodka's bite, whiskey's glow.Right now, I'm feeling wine.orEvery spirit has its flowVodka's quick, whiskey's slow.Right now, I'm feeling wine.orEvery spirit has its usevodka's nice with orange juiceRight now I'm feeling wine. etc, etc, etc. I really like this tune! Lots of possibilities... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 Bacchus knew a thing or two'bout how to keep from feelin' blue.Right now, I'm feelin' wine. Ain't lookin' for no great escapejust the pleasures of the grape.Right now, I'm feelin' wine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 11, 2013 Moderators Share Posted August 11, 2013 Only read it so far but I like the lyric as is, myself. But if its a whispery thing then maybe the cop verse is a little out of place, how about... If I get too loud just call the copsBut I prob'ly won't so prob'ly notCause right now I'm feeling wine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 LCK, you've got a good start on the LCK version of this tune, but your about as far from Ryan as one could possibly be style-wise... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted August 11, 2013 Members Share Posted August 11, 2013 If it were my song, I be thinking it needs just one more killer line, something along the lines of a John Prine punchline....something to make the people laugh. one small step for soberone leap of faith for the red nose rover got this joke I can't recallfunniest thing ever said at all And you want people to sing along, of course. So I'd try to get some buddies with pretty sketchy vocal skills to all join in on a fade out... I love this kind of song - good one! nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saturn1 Posted August 12, 2013 Members Share Posted August 12, 2013 There's a scene in the movie "Crazy Heart" where Jeff Bridges as Bad Blake is singing a song to Maggie Gyllenhal. He has just written the song but when he finishes Maggie says, "I like that song, who did that?" Blake tells her that that's the way it is with a good song, even though you've never heard it before it just seems familiar, it strikes a chord (pun intended).That's the way this song strikes me. It just slips right into your pocket like you've been carrying it around forever. I have never heard the line "I'm feeling wine" before, but I know immediately exactly what you mean. It's more than that phrase. It's the feel of the song and the way you sing it. It's the rest of the lyric and it's that great languid slide guitar like a sultry August night on the bayou. It describes a state of being so clearly that I can't believe I've never heard it before. In fact, damn, I wish I'd said that.Nice work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 12, 2013 Moderators Share Posted August 12, 2013 Perfect ^^* points. I totally agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted August 12, 2013 Members Share Posted August 12, 2013 Hi Rhino,Like the song and feel overall but do have a suggestion.I had the benefit of the lyrics while listening, but had I not, the main hook of the song would sound like you are saying:"I'm feeling why" I know this is a demo, but still, I think it needs to be adjusted a bit.I guess the reason is that the main emphasis in that line is "feeling", that's the dominate sound right now. When you get to "wine", it's a quick dot at the "end of the sentence".But I do have a suggestion to deal with this.When you hit the word "now" in each verse, you roll your voice in pitch. It's a cool effect and in many ways makes the tune.But I am wondering if you could do that a bit less, while adding that "flavor" to the word "wine". That is... I'm feeling wiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn...NNNNN...eeeeee....Said another way, help the listener feel your wine too!Further, I would vary the roll from verse to verse. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Just like the wine drinker!! Food for thought!Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Members Share Posted August 12, 2013 Lot's of good stuff for me to chew on. Thanks for all the input and kind words. I really like the class/glass stanza. Some didn't seem to like it but I think it will work better when I change the next one to: tapping out the last few dropsup next we have a whole box And nat, great call on a group vocal. I can see that being really cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 12, 2013 Members Share Posted August 12, 2013 saturn1 wrote: There's a scene in the movie "Crazy Heart" where Jeff Bridges as Bad Blake is singing a song to Maggie Gyllenhal. He has just written the song but when he finishes Maggie says, "I like that song, who did that?" Blake tells her that that's the way it is with a good song, even though you've never heard it before it just seems familiar, it strikes a chord (pun intended). That's the way this song strikes me. It just slips right into your pocket like you've been carrying it around forever. I have never heard the line "I'm feeling wine" before, but I know immediately exactly what you mean. It's more than that phrase. It's the feel of the song and the way you sing it. It's the rest of the lyric and it's that great languid slide guitar like a sultry August night on the bayou. It describes a state of being so clearly that I can't believe I've never heard it before. In fact, damn, I wish I'd said that. Nice work. +1,000This is exactly how I felt as well. The hook, melody and feel were so well paired that I didn't even bother to pay much attention to the lyric. Sounds like you are getting some good feedback there, but don't change too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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