Members bee3 Posted September 5, 2013 Members Share Posted September 5, 2013 Here's a new, raw idea... UPDATE IN POST 12Feeling StrongShed my skinAnd the life I liveIts feeling kind of betterFever's goneAnd the worst is doneAnd I'm changing like the weatherTurn and look aroundFeeling strongWhen everybody opens their heartAnd lets me in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 5, 2013 Members Share Posted September 5, 2013 Cool concept. It's talking about getting well in an emotional sense, but the reference to fever is a physical thing. I'd rethink that one word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 5, 2013 Moderators Share Posted September 5, 2013 A couple of ideas to use or not... I love the second chord, the slide up the neck two frets and use all those open strings to suggest a IV chord / II chord hybrid. When you hit the 3rd line "Feeling kind of BETTER", you could actually go to a straight II chord just for that one. A straight D major in the key of C. To give the "feeling kind of better" sentiment a little upward twist of resonance, emotionally. Some hope. Then "changing like the weather" returns to your suspended open chord to underline the ambivalence of changing like the weather. And... Turn and look around. I love the chord changes there. It feels like it needs and wants your melody to shift as well. Right now, you stay in the same general area, register wise. Why not try going lower and singing an ascending line up the scale starting on the 2 note. Turn(2) and(3) look(4) a(1^)round(7) This would set that section apart from your previous just a little more. Anywho, enough of me, nice tune. I love the mood you're setting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Members Share Posted September 5, 2013 ^yes. Will try that! And most importantly... no hat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 5, 2013 Members Share Posted September 5, 2013 bee3 wrote: ^yes. Will try that! And most importantly... no hat. I noticed....I really like the chorus. It's wonderful. Nice going! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted September 5, 2013 Members Share Posted September 5, 2013 I have an idea for an alternate melody on the second line. Right now you basically work around the same idea with "shed my skin" and "life I live" with "and the" being an approach line.How about starting line 2 at 0:21 and stay low with it the entire time? I think it would give the verse a little more texture.If this doesn't make sense, I'll have to upload a quick demo.I really like the chord change on "turn." Not sure about Lee's idea, but how about singing it with less of a sustain on each word? Similar to how Lee suggested I use more 1/8 notes for "Quiet"?I'm not a big fan of the really high phrase on "feel", it felt out of character, not properly set up by the rest of the song. Maybe as a high harmony instead? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Members Share Posted September 5, 2013 Oswlek wrote: I have an idea for an alternate melody on the second line. Right now you basically work around the same idea with "shed my skin" and "life I live" with "and the" being an approach line. How about starting line 2 at 0:21 and stay low with it the entire time? I think it would give the verse a little more texture. If this doesn't make sense, I'll have to upload a quick demo. I really like the chord change on "turn." Not sure about Lee's idea, but how about singing it with less of a sustain on each word? Similar to how Lee suggested I use more 1/8 notes for "Quiet"? I'm not a big fan of the really high phrase on "feel", it felt out of character, not properly set up by the rest of the song. Maybe as a high harmony instead? Demo would be helpful.To me, 'feel' is the crux of the song so I'd be reluctant, at this point, to change it... not until I flesh out the arrangement and get a solid foundation down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 23, 2014 Members Share Posted July 23, 2014 Bump for Bee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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