Song about an historical event (Windsor Whiskey)

[Chicken Monkey]

My favorite band is The Band, and a lot of their songs take place in historical situations--"The Night they Drove Old Dixie Down", "Acadian Driftwood", "King Harvest Has Surely Come", and so on.  I very rarely write in that style, but a horizon project is compelling me to hone my narrative writing chops.  This is the first attempt.  I think I still need a bridge, but I've got 4 or 5 different directions I could go with it, so I was hoping to get some feedback about soft spots in my story before I proceed.

Windsor Whiskey

We got a car full of crates full of bottles full of liquor and a white-knuckle night ahead

Under cover of the falling snow

If there was any other way to do the things we've got to do, then that's what I would do instead, 

But there's no other way to go.

(chorus)  The river's never looked so wide

Purple gang's waiting on the other side

If I could hear the ice cracking, I would turn around, and wouldn't stop until the tires hit concrete.

But the only sound I hear is the rattle of the bottles of the whiskey in the backseat.

 

February clouds hide the sliver of a moon and we're halfway from dusk til dawn

I've never seen a darker night

The D P D is on the lookout, so we can't turn the headlights on

I'm just aiming at the skyline lights

(chorus).

[LCK]

 

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Chicken Monkey wrote:

 

 

My favorite band is The Band, and a lot of their songs take place in historical situations--"The Night they Drove Old Dixie Down", "Acadian Driftwood", "King Harvest Has Surely Come", and so on.  I very rarely write in that style, but a horizon project is compelling me to hone my narrative writing chops.  This is the first attempt.  I think I still need a bridge, but I've got 4 or 5 different directions I could go with it, so I was hoping to get some feedback about soft spots in my story before I proceed.

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Really nice so far.

I must say, if feels to me like you're entering into a whole new level of songwriting lately.

I don't see any soft spots in the story, but it's just beginning. I think you've captured the mood of whatever this character (a moonshiner, I expec') is up to very well.

I have a very small complaint about the way you sing the word "concrete." It seems awkward until you hear it rhyme with "the backseat." Maybe if you added a "the" to the first line:

If I could hear the ice cracking, I would turn around, and wouldn't stop until the tires hit the concrete.

But the only sound I hear is the rattle of the bottles of the whiskey in the backseat.

Other than that, I think this is off to a great start. Nicely done!

 

[Chicken Monkey]

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LCK wrote:

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Really nice so far.

 

I must say, if feels to me like you're entering into a whole new level of songwriting lately.

 

 

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Here's a songwriting tip--it's really easy to hit "a whole new level" when the baseline is "not writing at all".  I've been spurred to get some stuff written before this kid is born (next Thursday!), because I know the other guys in my band will want to start working on another album soon, but I hadn't put pen to paper in almost a year before a couple weeks ago.

 

I'll give another listen to "concrete"--I think I might be playing on a regional pronunciation.  Thanks for the feedback, and I definitely need to flesh out the story, but the mood is the main thing.  I've got a lot of backstory that doesn't make the page, and I'm really struggling to put just enough in, without winding up with "The Battle of New Orleans"-level attention to detail.