My Heroes (Aren't what they use to be)

[davie]

I used a different approach for this song. I usually make melody first and then do lyrics, but this one is the opposite. I did LYRICS FIRST and then melody. I managed to come up with this rather quickly, probably the quickest I've ever done, it only took me a couple of hours. Its a departure from the 'pop love songs' that I usually write. I kinda loosened my expectations on this one and just let it come out without overthinking the song. A bit rough and few mistakes but its all in one take. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Lyrics are posted in the song description.

Here's the Link

[rickidoo]

 

Davie,

 

NIce song. So nice that I was thinking how I would emphasize certain parts of the song, changes etc. Of course, what I am doing is flavoring it to my taste.  BUt since I am the one writing this post, I get to do that!

Here we go!

1. V1 wasn't a strong hook for me; but V2 was very potent (When your pain was too much to take..). I recent read where some writers actually slice off the first verse because often they write them in sequence and it takes to verse 2 to get to the down and dirty... the good stuff.  I am thinking if this were my song I'd lead with verse 2.  It's a wow.  Then use verse 1 as the 2nd verse, because it offers a sort of backdrop to the story.

2. The two lines... "I will remember you and all you've done, as I live on". They were a wow for me too.  They are so strong.  Again, if this were my song, I'd take them and also include much earlier - even after verse 1.

 

SO, you would end up with

When your pain was too much...

all in vane, was it all for nothing

I will remember you and all you've done, as I live on

I will remember you and all you've done, as I live on

etc.

I'm really excited about this tune, and feel with the right reshape it can go from good to great.

(It may be great already to others, I am speaking strickly from my "Rick" point of view.)

 

Rick

 

 

 

[LCK]

 

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davie wrote:

 

 

I used a different approach for this song. I usually make melody first and then do lyrics, but this one is the opposite. I did LYRICS FIRST and then melody. I managed to come up with this rather quickly, probably the quickest I've ever done, it only took me a couple of hours. Its a departure from the 'pop love songs' that I usually write. I kinda loosened my expectations on this one and just let it come out without overthinking the song. A bit rough and few mistakes but its all in one take. Check it out and tell me what you think.

 

Lyrics are posted in the song description.

Here's the Link

---

 

This is a really nice tune. Very catchy, hooky, and it carries a lot of feeling.

There's just one part of the lyric that sticks out for me.

All of your prime, fallen from the fray

Faded with time, pictures turn to grey

"Fallen from the fray" is not too bad, but I have no idea what "all of your prime" is supposed to mean. I like the feel of those words, and how they fit the tune, but I think that opening phrase needs work.

 

Since you're fitting one too many syllables into that first line, maybe something like:

In your prime, welcoming the fray???

[fenderbender9]

The first two lines of the chorus are very solid. Love those lines. To me, the phrasing does get a little weird in the last two lines of the chorus, perticularly the last one. I'd change it to "pictures turning grey" at least in the first chorus. Maybe then you could form a bit more of a timeline and say "pictures have turned grey". But that's just me!

The second verse lacks a little bit of relevancy to me, but again, I could be missing something. 

[davie]

Thanks for the feedback and comments, guys.

Rick, I'm not sure about leading using the 2nd verse. I think it makes more sense chronologically the way I have it at the moment. I've been told to tone down my first verses in my songs.. lol. The part with "I will remember you and all you've done, as I live on" is used as the bridge for this song. I think its very strong as well and could be suitable as a chorus, but in this case it makes a perfect bridge. The contrasting smooth and sustained meter makes it a good break from the rest of the song, as well as the context.

LCK, I might just need to readjust the rhythm of the vocals for those lines. I tried singing it slower and it still seems to work. I think I made those lines sung quickly to add some dramatic effect, but maybe it could use some more subtlety, especially considering its context. "All of your prime, fallen from the fray"; tried to come up with an interesting (and unconventional) way to say it in the past tense. I think the story of the lyrics describes a young person idolizing their heroes (most likely a war hero of sorts), but realizing no matter how great they are, they're still vulnerable and will eventually meet their demise. Does it work in that respect?

Fenderbender, I will probably readjust my pacing on those lines to improve the flow. And good point with the "pictures have turned grey", but in this case the syllable stresses of the phrase "pictures turning grey" fits the melody better. At the moment I think I need more people's feedback before I revisit the lyrics.

Keep the feedback coming, guys!