Harmony Central Forums
Announcement Announcement Module
Collapse
No announcement yet.

Hey, I'm Just Being Nice

Page Title Module
Move Remove Collapse







X
Conversation Detail Module
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Hey, I'm Just Being Nice


    Hanging out over at Backstage With the Band the topic turned to drunk blowhards who "know-Taylor-Swift-and-she'd-dig-you-guys-so-give-me-a-tape-and-I'll-get-it-to-her" types. Then guido/David used the line if I had a nickel for every grain of salt... and me listening to Sexsmith's Eye Candy, well, a pale and mediocre take on it seemed only right. . 1st draft of a basic idea. Ideas or reactions? Slams or mockery? It's all welcomed.


     


    *Updating here as I go.


    Hey, I

    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

  • #2

    Fantastic and boy howdy will any gigging musician know exactly what you're talking about.

    A couple of things...

    Mix some pride with self doubt on ice

    seems like it might be awkward to sing. That will sort itself out once you sing it, but to me it seems like it might flow better as:

    Mix pride with self doubt on ice

    or

    Mix some pride and self doubt on ice

    Next:

    Inside I'm all "my-oh-my"

    Also seems awkward. It might work, but even if it did, it wouldn't really ring true because that's not what we'd be thinking. If I tried to type what we'd really be thinking it would get censored so I wont bother. In that verse it might be neat to explore the fact that the douche probably believes some of what he's telling you about his connections.

    Last thing is the hook, "Hey, I'm just being nice." It might work really well, but I'd have to hear it. I love the sentiment. At least I'm being honest, which is the nice thing to do, even though you're full of sh*t. I think if you moved that line it would no longer carry the weight you want it to, but I'm unsure of how that particular phrase will work right there.

    ...

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      rhino55 wrote:

      Fantastic and boy howdy will any gigging musician know exactly what you're talking about.

      A couple of things...

      Mix some pride with self doubt on ice

      seems like it might be awkward to sing. That will sort itself out once you sing it, but to me it seems like it might flow better as:

      Mix pride with self doubt on ice

      or

      Mix some pride and self doubt on ice


      Next:


      Inside I'm all "my-oh-my"

      Also seems awkward. It might work, but even if it did, it wouldn't really ring true because that's not what we'd be thinking. If I tried to type what we'd really be thinking it would get censored so I wont bother. In that verse it might be neat to explore the fact that the douche probably believes some of what he's telling you about his connections.

      Last thing is the hook, "Hey, I'm just being nice." It might work really well, but I'd have to hear it. I love the sentiment. At least I'm being honest, which is the nice thing to do, even though you're full of sh*t. I think if you moved that line it would no longer carry the weight you want it to, but I'm unsure of how that particular phrase will work right there.




       


      I actually had: Mix some pride with self doubt on ice. But I'm thinking it might be nice to clear up the vision of seeing these things as stuff that comes out of a bottle, intoi a jigger, then into the mix in a highball glass. The stupid cocktail. So "some self doubt" sounds like an ingredient. Ooo... and a dash of "bitters?" Get it?   Don't know yet. 


       


      Inside I'm all "my-oh-my"


       


      ^^^ yeah, I know. It reminds me of Sulu. my-my Thanks Ryan.


  • #3

    Lee Knight wrote:

    Hanging out over at Backstage With the Band the topic turned to drunk blowhards who "know-Taylor-Swift-and-she'd-dig-you-guys-so-give-me-a-tape-and-I'll-get-it-to-her" types. Then guido/David used the line if I had a nickel for every grain of salt... and me listening to Sexsmith's Eye Candy, well, a pale and mediocre take on it seemed only right. . 1st draft of a basic idea. Ideas or reactions? Slams or mockery? It's all welcomed.

    Hey, I
    "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      LCK wrote:


      Lee Knight wrote:

      Hanging out over at Backstage With the Band the topic turned to drunk blowhards who "know-Taylor-Swift-and-she'd-dig-you-guys-so-give-me-a-tape-and-I'll-get-it-to-her" types. Then guido/David used the line if I had a nickel for every grain of salt... and me listening to Sexsmith's Eye Candy, well, a pale and mediocre take on it seemed only right. . 1st draft of a basic idea. Ideas or reactions? Slams or mockery? It's all welcomed.


      Hey, I

  • #4
    Thanks^^^

    That's a great point that Ryan made also about the title. I'm planning on having it be one of those everything stops and snap you get the attitude title. Like, God for bid, Shania Twain saying man I feel like a woman. I think it could work if I can realize what I'm hearing in my head so only time will tell on that but thank you for the second heads up on the potential issue here.
    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

    Comment


    • mbfrancis
      mbfrancis commented
      Editing a comment

      Lee Knight wrote:
      Thanks^^^

      That's a great point that Ryan made also about the title. I'm planning on having it be one of those everything stops and snap you get the attitude title. Like, God for bid, Shania Twain saying man I feel like a woman. I think it could work if I can realize what I'm hearing in my head so only time will tell on that but thank you for the second heads up on the potential issue here.

       

      Ha I think you made my point..."man I feel like a woman" is a great catchy line.  "hey I'm just being nice" is a little weak by comparison.  I could see it as an aside mid-verse, but not the hook you hang everything on.  Again, my $.02, I could be totally wrong when I hear it.

       


  • #5
    I don't believe the issue is the title / catchphrase. That is supposed to sound sort of... common. It's the setup that needs work.

    Imagine a song called, I'm Sorry, What Was That?

    That's a nothing phrase. But if the set up creates an expectation the he drops the bomb each chorus, "oh, were you talking to me? To be a much needed face slap, well, that's the "Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares,

    Or not, but that's what I'm going for. I need to tighten up my setup leading up to the phrase so its slap stings more.
    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

    Comment


    • rhino55
      rhino55 commented
      Editing a comment
      But buddy, here

  • #6
    Good topic and great draft. I wonder how relatable it'd be without the background info. A possible bridge idea is a list of tall tales--the fish was this big, UFO sighting, Canadian girlfriend, etc.
    Also, "grain of salt" and "somersault" are kind of the same word rhyming.
    <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://jukejointhandmedowns.com" target="_blank">Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-but-the-squeal/id517608194" target="_blank">Find our album on iTunes!</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://idlehandsmusic.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A Month of Songs </a> (Songwriting blog)<br />
    <br />
    <div class="bbcode_container">
    <div class="bbcode_quote">
    <div class="quote_container">
    <div class="bbcode_quote_container"></div>

    <div class="bbcode_postedby">
    <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
    <a href="showthread.php?p=42081230#post42081230" rel="nofollow"><img class="inlineimg" src="images/buttons/viewpost-right.png" alt="View Post" /></a>
    </div>
    <div class="message">Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.</div>

    </div>
    </div>
    </div> </div>

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      Chicken Monkey wrote:

      Also, "grain of salt" and "somersault" are kind of the same word rhyming.

       


      If I had a nickel for every grain of salt


      I


  • #7
    ^^^ Great catch, both of them CM. Great idea for a bridge, man! Really good. I never liked verbal somersaults. Too Costello. I want this pop and not intellectual verbiage. I will work on that, thank you very much!
    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

    Comment


    • #8

      Bridge idea


      You caught a fish as big as your Shepherd
      Your aunt knows Taylor Swift
      You make a bankroll of a paycheck
      And your body it's a gift
      That girl over there's giving you the stare
      And you're asking me for a lift?

      Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

      Comment


      • #9
        On the other hand, barstool storyteller is going to be a bitch to sing. It says what I want to say but does anyone have a more clear, more direct way of saying it that can be sung?
        Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

        Comment


        • #10
          To a bar room storyteller and his verbal assault

          That might work? I think it might.
          Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

          Comment


          • #11

            To avoid the double use of barroom.

            To a nightclub storyteller



            Naw.


             


            If I had a nickel for every grain of salt


            I

            Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

            Comment


            • LCK
              LCK commented
              Editing a comment

              Lee Knight wrote:

              To avoid the double use of barroom.

              To a nightclub storyteller


              Naw.

               

              If I had a nickel for every grain of salt

              I


            • mbfrancis
              mbfrancis commented
              Editing a comment

              Hey Lee, a quick thought...forgive me if this is addressed somewhere else in the thread...

              It might be nice to reveal somewhere why everyone comes up to you and lies to you.  I don't have this problem, nor do I know anyone who does.  If I heard someone in real life complaining how everyone lies to him, after a certain point I would think, "hang on, what's the common denominator here, it's our narrator. What's wrong with him that he hangs out in places where everyone lies to him all the time.  He should either a) not hang out there or b) hang around other people."  (It's like those people who always complain about how they are surrounded by idiots, but ultimately it's them and their perspective.)

              So there might be a bridge or intro where you reveal how it is that this keeps happening to you, or maybe at the end you reveal that the liar is actually.... YOU.  

              Or perhaps I'm overthinking it...


            • Oswlek
              Oswlek commented
              Editing a comment

              Lee Knight wrote:

              To avoid the double use of barroom.

              To a nightclub storyteller


              Naw.

               

              If I had a nickel for every grain of salt

              I


          • #12
            The "don't rhyme a word with itself" rule is one I'm a stickler about, but I'm maybe second only to (the other) Lee in my adherence to The Old Rules.

            Except in the case of our most-requested live tune, about beer, wherein I rhyme "IPA" with "USA" without shame.
            <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://jukejointhandmedowns.com" target="_blank">Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)</a><br />
            <br />
            <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-but-the-squeal/id517608194" target="_blank">Find our album on iTunes!</a><br />
            <br />
            <a href="http://idlehandsmusic.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A Month of Songs </a> (Songwriting blog)<br />
            <br />
            <div class="bbcode_container">
            <div class="bbcode_quote">
            <div class="quote_container">
            <div class="bbcode_quote_container"></div>

            <div class="bbcode_postedby">
            <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
            <a href="showthread.php?p=42081230#post42081230" rel="nofollow"><img class="inlineimg" src="images/buttons/viewpost-right.png" alt="View Post" /></a>
            </div>
            <div class="message">Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.</div>

            </div>
            </div>
            </div> </div>

            Comment


            • #13
              It could do. :-) but I kind of like the way the title meshes with the slap in the face that the music will bring, hopefully! :-)
              Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

              Comment


              • #14

                Sorry for provoking all of that. I'm speaking my truth. I can except that it does not translate. I'd like to overcome that.

                Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                Comment


                • mbfrancis
                  mbfrancis commented
                  Editing a comment

                  Lee Knight wrote:
                  Sorry for prevokoking all all of that. I'm speaking my truth. I can except that it does not translate. I'd like to overcome that.

                  Haha no way, not at all, I'd much rather over-analyze your lyrics than finish my own...


              • #15
                Nice^^^
                Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

                Comment


                • mbfrancis
                  mbfrancis commented
                  Editing a comment

                  Oh man, I didn't realize it was one guy bugging you the whole time - if this is made clear(er), my earlier objections go away.  (Again, maybe it's me.)  But then I would say this has to be one compelling bullsh*tter to sustain my interest for a whole song!  

                   

                  Dumb idea:

                  What if "HEY [total stop] I'm just being nice" is last line *before* the chorus, just like the Shania example (so you're a rocket scientist, so you're brad pitt).  Second verse could then be, "hey I got nothin better to do" or "hey, please go on, do tell" or something like that.)

              Working...
              X