Members stickboymusic Posted September 15, 2013 Members Share Posted September 15, 2013 Well it has been FAR too long since I have written anything. This idea just fell out, so far it is mainly just verse and a kind of chorus. I know it needs work but its good to just have "something". http://soundcloud.com/stickboy/firefly-in-the-night-live-demo Firefly (in the night) I used to shake like a leafLike a leaf falling from autumn treeBut now I'm steady as a rockAs a rock standing strong in raging seaI still believe we'll find a wayWhilst there's poetry in every word I sayThe dark heart of winter, the broken serenadeCasts a shadow over everything we madeSo I will light your pretty eyes.....Like a firefly in the night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 15, 2013 Moderators Share Posted September 15, 2013 Nice. I love the descending melody though you might want to check it against MJ's Human Nature. I think you're good just be aware. Anyway, I like this and I hear lots of solid bits to highlight and explore in both the further writing of it and the arrangement/production of it. Cool stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 16, 2013 Members Share Posted September 16, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: Nice. I love the descending melody though you might want to check it against MJ's Human Nature. I think you're good just be aware. Anyway, I like this and I hear lots of solid bits to highlight and explore in both the further writing of it and the arrangement/production of it. Cool stuff Very nice.One question. Do fireflies shine at night? I've only seen them in the evening hours. Once the sun goes down, they're done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted September 16, 2013 Author Members Share Posted September 16, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: Nice. I love the descending melody though you might want to check it against MJ's Human Nature. I think you're good just be aware. Anyway, I like this and I hear lots of solid bits to highlight and explore in both the further writing of it and the arrangement/production of it. Cool stuff Just listened to the MJ song. I have to say I have never heard that before in my life. Ha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 16, 2013 Members Share Posted September 16, 2013 I'm not surprised that this is as good as it is. I think what you have is kind of a verse chorus already, with the last four lines being repeatable as the chorus. I think if you wrote another verse section, did the chorus, an instrumental section and repeated the chorus again it could be done. Tree and sea sound like they should be plural or given an article to be single. An autumn tree. A raging sea. I would feel for the narrator more if he said "poetry in every word you say." If you went that way then it might make more sense to have it be "you will light my eyes..." or even "you always light my eyes..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted September 16, 2013 Author Members Share Posted September 16, 2013 rhino55 wrote: I would feel for the narrator more if he said "poetry in every word you say." If you went that way then it might make more sense to have it be "you will light my eyes..." or even "you always light my eyes..." I like that idea a lot How about I used to shake like a leafLike a leaf CLINGING TIGHT TO autumn treeBut now I'm steady as a rockAs a rock standing strong in raging seaI still believe we'll find a wayWhilst there's poetry in every word YOU sayThe dark heart of winter, the broken serenadeCasts a shadow over everything WE'VE made (gonna add two line here)WILL YOU light MY DARKENED (maybe need a better word here?) eyes.....Like a firefly in the night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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