Members Oswlek Posted October 21, 2013 Members Share Posted October 21, 2013 I've been thinking about taking this one on and though it would probably make sense to put it through the wringer before getting too deep. In my head the song is very harmony heavy (particularly in the verses) and will have lots of "ahh" stuff going on in the chorus and interlude.So, any lines need help? Any melodic stuff that needs to be addressed? Thanks. Daylight beckons us my loveHold tight beneath the stars above Run away with meOne taste and you will seeWe'll leave it all behindAs we step into.... Daylight Waters, blue waters wash away our sinsBorders, across is where life begins Run away with meOne touch is all you needTo leave the past behindAs we step into... Daylight So let's go tonightEscape the dark of nightAnd never look behindWhen we step into.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 21, 2013 Members Share Posted October 21, 2013 Oswlek wrote: I've been thinking about taking this one on and though it would probably make sense to put it through the wringer before getting too deep. In my head the song is very harmony heavy (particularly in the verses) and will have lots of "ahh" stuff going on in the chorus and interlude. So, any lines need help? Any melodic stuff that needs to be addressed? Thanks. Daylight beckons us my love Hold tight beneath the stars above Run away with me One taste and you will see We'll leave it all behind As we step into.... Daylight Waters, blue waters wash away our sins Borders, across is where life begins Run away with me One touch is all you need To leave the past behind As we step into... Daylight So let's go tonight Escape the dark of night And never look behind When we step into.... It's a nice tune. The lyric is fine as is, no major changes to make.The only thing that might need improving is the melody lines you've chosen for the words in bold. They fall just a little flat in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 21, 2013 Author Members Share Posted October 21, 2013 LCK wrote: It's a nice tune. The lyric is fine as is, no major changes to make. The only thing that might need improving is the melody lines you've chosen for the words in bold. They fall just a little flat in my opinion. Interesting. You don't like hitting the tonic on those spots? Do you want more movement there? I hadn't even considered those as potential issues, so that shows why I know. Did you bold the second "Daylight" thinking it sounded like the first? I ask because that one jumps up as a lead into the interlude and I can't imagine it any different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 22, 2013 Members Share Posted October 22, 2013 I like it, I like it, I like it. Melodically very engaging.I can hear numerous possible phrasings of the line, As we step into.... Daylight Maybe experiment - there might be a better way of delivering that line. My 1st suggestion is maybe don't have too many bars gap between into and daylight.Also try shortening daaay and having the drawn out note on liiiiiiiightThese are just initial impressions on 1st hearing.But experiment....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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