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Daylight - need any polishing?

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  • Daylight - need any polishing?

    I've been thinking about taking this one on and though it would probably make sense to put it through the wringer before getting too deep.  In my head the song is very harmony heavy (particularly in the verses) and will have lots of "ahh" stuff going on in the chorus and interlude.

    So, any lines need help?  Any melodic stuff that needs to be addressed?  Thanks.

     

    Daylight beckons us my love
    Hold tight beneath the stars above

    Run away with me
    One taste and you will see
    We'll leave it all behind
    As we step into.... Daylight

    Waters, blue waters wash away our sins
    Borders, across is where life begins

    Run away with me
    One touch is all you need
    To leave the past behind
    As we step into... Daylight

    So let's go tonight
    Escape the dark of night
    And never look behind
    When we step into....

    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

  • #2

    Oswlek wrote:

    I've been thinking about taking this one on and though it would probably make sense to put it through the wringer before getting too deep.  In my head the song is very harmony heavy (particularly in the verses) and will have lots of "ahh" stuff going on in the chorus and interlude.

    So, any lines need help?  Any melodic stuff that needs to be addressed?  Thanks.

     

    Daylight beckons us my love
    Hold tight beneath the stars above

    Run away with me
    One taste and you will see
    We'll leave it all behind
    As we step into.... Daylight

    Waters, blue waters wash away our sins
    Borders, across is where life begins

    Run away with me
    One touch is all you need
    To leave the past behind
    As we step into... Daylight

    So let's go tonight
    Escape the dark of night
    And never look behind
    When we step into....


    It's a nice tune. The lyric is fine as is, no major changes to make.

    The only thing that might need improving is the melody lines you've chosen for the words in bold. They fall just a little flat in my opinion.

    “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

    Comment


    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      LCK wrote:

      It's a nice tune. The lyric is fine as is, no major changes to make.

      The only thing that might need improving is the melody lines you've chosen for the words in bold. They fall just a little flat in my opinion.


      Interesting.  You don't like hitting the tonic on those spots?  Do you want more movement there? I hadn't even considered those as potential issues, so that shows why I know. 

      Did you bold the second "Daylight" thinking it sounded like the first?  I ask because that one jumps up as a lead into the interlude and I can't imagine it any different.


  • #3

    I like it, I like it, I like it. Melodically very engaging.

    I can hear numerous possible phrasings of the line, As we step into.... Daylight 

    Maybe experiment - there might be a better way of delivering that line. My 1st suggestion is maybe don't have too many bars gap between into and daylight.

    Also try shortening daaay and having the drawn out note on liiiiiiiight

    These are just initial impressions on 1st hearing.

    But experiment.......

    'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
    CHARLIE PARKER

    Comment



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