Members Oswlek Posted November 14, 2013 Members Share Posted November 14, 2013 Had my DAW fired up to track some vocals for "Wishful Thinking" and instead this version of Lee's great lyric just popped out. The bridge took a little work to flesh out, but everything else was literally in seconds. Lee, if you are there, this is an homage not a rip off. I'll never make any money on it and if I ever post it anywhere, I'll make it abundantly clear that it was your lyric.Updated demo for a more mellow vibe---------------------------------------Things I Shouldn't LoveLady Gaga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted November 14, 2013 Members Share Posted November 14, 2013 Oswlek wrote: Lee, if you are there, this is an homage not a rip off. I'll never make any money on it and if I ever post it anywhere, I'll make it abundantly clear that it was your lyric. I am here. I keep checking to see if Lee Knight has read my private message. (He seems to be under the impression that I'm angry at certain people here, and that I blame him for my meltdown... I'm not and I don't.)I think you've done a great job with the lyric. I see it as both an homage and a cool writing exercise.Good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted November 14, 2013 Author Members Share Posted November 14, 2013 Thanks for the approval, Lee. Anyone else? I know the lyric has already been discussed, but is the melody working? The bridge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 15, 2013 Moderators Share Posted November 15, 2013 Always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 15, 2013 Members Share Posted November 15, 2013 The mood-match between music and lyric is much better now. Well done.There are 2 places where your phrasing of the lyric IMO could be improved. The 1st one is small, but try it and see. You are singing Brian Wilson's /// awkward smile when it feels like there should be less of a gap between the words Brian Wilson's / awkward smile (you don't do it in the other verses).The big one is : Apartment /// B /// still smells of nicotine. Without reading it, there is no sense in the line. I reckon it should be Apartment B / still smells of nicotine.Seewotchathink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted November 16, 2013 Author Members Share Posted November 16, 2013 Thanks, Phil. The first one is a performance issue. For some reason, I can't keep the beat straight without a pause there, I did the same thing in the uptempo one as well. The "B" delay is artistic liberty, as well as the fact that I can't get a clear separation between "ment" and "B' without a good sized pause there. It actually sounds worse when I sing them tight because the ear thinks it is a single, uninterpretable word (or maybe "apart meant to be"? ). If I ever studio this up, I'll see what I can do. I'm still interested in the melody choices on "wrote", "hey vern guy" and the "subway" line. I think I'm OK with the first and last, but I wonder if I should tone down the middle one. Is it a good thing that I spice it up right there or does it feel like an overdo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 16, 2013 Moderators Share Posted November 16, 2013 You can't think too much about this. I just listened to the slower version again and again. It's really perfect. My only question might be the Vern verse. While I, and obviously many others, get it, it still feels like it's going to cut out a large portion of your audience. Your take on this is so good that I would really think that line because really, this is damn good. Really damn good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 16, 2013 Moderators Share Posted November 16, 2013 Phil, I love that line! Sorry to be contrary, but memory triggers are what they are. I thought of it like maybe Audrey Hepburn or a hip chick. The good with the bad and all that. A nice twist on smelling her perfume? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted November 16, 2013 Members Share Posted November 16, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: Phil, I love that line! Sorry to be contrary, but memory triggers are what they are. I thought of it like maybe Audrey Hepburn or a hip chick. The good with the bad and all that. A nice twist on smelling her perfume? You barefaced, contrary, b b b b bass player. I know what you're saying though. Maybe its a good thing that I'm not anybody's producer..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted November 16, 2013 Author Members Share Posted November 16, 2013 Yeah, I'm with Lee on this one. The nicotine line is my second favorite in the entire song, that lingering smell of smoke being a perfect example of something that should be bothersome, but somehow isn't. I think I agree about the "vern" stanza, but looking closely, I think the first and third lines can stay. Is the fix as simple as inserting another name? Or perhaps a different movie characteristic? Something interesting that I didn't even notice until playing the song in my head putting the boys to sleep last night, I inserted an extra 4 bar measure after the "subway" line. I've never done anything ike that before and made it sound natural. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 18, 2013 Members Share Posted November 18, 2013 Ha I just wondered if you missed my post early on as the topic took off, that is all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted November 18, 2013 Members Share Posted November 18, 2013 stickboymusic wrote: Ha I just wondered if you missed my post early on as the topic took off, that is all Well of course not, I never pay attention to your posts. Actually read your post and scroll up to mine...great minds, ha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted May 30, 2014 Author Members Share Posted May 30, 2014 This popped up on my mp3 player a few days ago and I was floored by how much I enjoyed it. I hadn't forgotten about it, but the feedback on MM was so tepid that I'd started considering it just another in a long line of misfires. But it's back on the to-do list. What a great lyric, even if I never find a more modern "Hey Vern guy" substitute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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