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  • Forever's Gone

    Ok. This is me channeling my inner George Jones. I struggle singing this the most. My voice really cannot sing this tune but I have always liked it lyrically. The one half verse about the clock is weak but overall I think it is okay. I really like the chorus. And remember I warned you all about my playing and singing.I am the epitome of three chords and an old guitar. It is really bare bones with me always but that is where I am as a player. 

     

    http://www.reverbnation.com/c./poni/243278621

     

    Forever's Gone

    V1

    There's a letter in the drawer

    in a table by the bed

    That's tattered and torn

    and full of lies

     

    And there's a heartache in the mirror

    where there use to be a man

    before she left

    with no goodbye's

     

    There's a tear stain on the pillow

    where I use to lay my head

    and dream and hold her

    in my arms

     

    And there's a picture in a wallet

    of days so far away

    and memories from before

    forever's gone

     

    Chorus

     

    Forever's gone

    and she aint ever

    coming back again

    she left and stole away my heart

     

    Forver's gone

    and I'm left standing

    lost and all alone

    cause in my soul

    now I know

    Forever's gone

     

    V2

    There's a ring on my finger

    that doesn't mean a thing

    whose promise was 

    broken right in two

     

    And there's a tear that keeps on crying

    and wishing she was here

    from sad eyes

    so tired and so blue

     

    Chorus

     

    V3

    There's a clock on the wall

    where time is standing still

    and faith has 

    faded straight to grey

     

    Now there's a bottle that's empty

    where the wounds will never heal

    since true love

    was taken away

     

    Chorus

     


  • #2

    tony333 wrote:

    Ok. This is me channeling my inner George Jones. I struggle singing this the most. My voice really cannot sing this tune but I have always liked it lyrically. The one half verse about the clock is weak but overall I think it is okay. I really like the chorus. And remember I warned you all about my playing and singing.I am the epitome of three chords and an old guitar. It is really bare bones with me always but that is where I am as a player. 

    http://www.reverbnation.com/c./poni/243278621

    Forever's Gone

    V1
    There's a letter in the drawer
    in a table by the bed
    That's tattered and torn
    and full of lies
     
    And there's a heartache in the mirror
    where there use to be a man
    before she left
    with no goodbye's

     

    There's a tear stain on the pillow
    where I use to lay my head
    and dream and hold her
    in my arms
     
    And there's a picture in a wallet
    of days so far away
    and memories from before
    forever's gone

     

    Chorus
     
    Forever's gone
    and she aint ever
    coming back again
    she left and stole away my heart
     
    Forver's gone
    and I'm left standing
    lost and all alone
    cause in my soul
    now I know
    Forever's gone

     

    V2

    There's a ring on my finger

    that doesn't mean a thing

    whose promise was 

    broken right in two

     

    And there's a tear that keeps on crying

    and wishing she was here

    from sad eyes

    so tired and so blue

     

    Chorus

     

    V3

    There's a clock on the wall

    where time is standing still

    and faith has 

    faded straight to grey

     

    Now there's a bottle that's empty

    where the wounds will never heal

    since true love

    was taken away

     

    Chorus

     


    I think you've got the nugget of something here, but IMO it needs to follow a more traditional structure.

    You'll notice that I crossed out the 3rd & 4th verses. It's not that I think they're terrible. I like some of the images in them a lot. It's just that after the 2nd verse the song needs to build more tension, melodically and harmonically (probably a pre-chorus), so that you can then lift us out of our seats with the chorus. This is the "turn that up" moment you'd get if a song like this came on the radio. It would be the part everyone would be singing along with as they drive, etc.

    There's also a problem of "samey-ness" in both the music and the lyric.

    But like I said there's a nugget of something there worth pursuing, if you think you can work on those problems.

    Anyway, that's what I think...

     

    “Good Vibrations” was probably a good record but who's to know? You had to play it about 90 bloody times to even hear what they were singing about. What’s next? Rock opera? —Pete Townshend, Melody Maker Interview, 1966.

    Comment


    • Foose31
      Foose31 commented
      Editing a comment

       

       

      Changed the words a little. I picture your inner George Jones telling this to his ex.

      I changed a little in your "clock" Verse but kept all of your subject matter. Hope this helps you some.

       

      Forever's Gone

      V1

      There's a letter in the top drawer

      of the dresser by our bed

      That's tattered and torn

      and full of lies

       

      And there


  • #3

    tony333 wrote:

     


    Forever's Gone


    V1


    There's a letter in the drawer


    in a table by the bed


    That's tattered and torn


    and full of lies


     


    And there's a heartache in the mirror


    where there use to be a man


    before she left


    with no goodbye's


     


    There's a tear stain on the pillow


    where I use to lay my head


    and dream and hold her


    in my arms


     


    And there's a picture in a wallet


    of days so far away


    and memories from before


    forever's gone


     


    Chorus


     


    Forever's gone


    and she aint ever


    coming back again


    she left and stole away my heart


     


    Forever's gone


    and I'm left standing


    lost and all alone


    cause in my soul


    now I know


    Forever's gone


     


    V2


    There's a ring on my finger


    that doesn't mean a thing


    whose promise was 


    broken right in two


     


    And there's a tear that keeps on crying


    and wishing she was here


    from sad eyes


    so tired and so blue


     


    Chorus


     


    V3


    There's a clock on the wall


    where time is standing still


    and faith has 


    faded straight to grey


     


    Now there's a bottle that's empty


    where the wounds will never heal


    since true love


    was taken away


     


    Chorus


     





    First off, I think the title is great. It's simple but has a nice layer of complexity. We've heard the play on forever not being forever, but your take with the simple Forever's Gone is nice. How can it be gone if it's forever? Ding. Nice and simple and new.


     


    I like the verse a lot myself. I think you've done a good job laying out the story with a nice repetitive motive with "there's a..". It's great. It's the chorus where I see you need a fresh take on things. Your title's great. But everything else in the chorus doesn't really do anything.


     


    Forever's gone


    and she aint ever


    coming back again


    she left and stole away my heart


     


    Forver's gone


    and I'm left standing


    lost and all alone


    cause in my soul


    now I know


    Forever's gone


     


    So, what if you changed the cadence of the title hook by elongated it. After your verse you could ring out a chord and, For... e... ver's  gone!


     


    Thematically, it feels like you should somehow be playing off of the concept of forever not being forever. Here's my silly attempt at it...


     


    For... e...ver's... gone


    I used to hang my hat on forever


    For... e...ver's... gone


    Knowing it'd always be hanging there by the door, but


    For... e...ver's... gone


    I always thought that it would always be but I was wrong


    And now my hat's lying on the floor


    Cause forever's gone


     


    I think if you were to try and nail something unique for that chorus, then spend your time thinking about your structure and verses. You've got a lot of lyric. You could easily cut those verses in half and use only the best, while going somewhere different on your chorus to keep up the interest.


     


    All in all, I really like your verses and your title a lot. A different chorus could be ultra simple too. Anyway, nice job!


     


     

    __________
    Ain't no sacrilege to call Elvis king
    Dad is great and all but he never could sing -
    Jesus

    Comment


    • tony333
      tony333 commented
      Editing a comment

      Thanks gentlemen. I agree with shortening the verses and restructuring them. The sameiness is my lack of playing and singing ability. But playing with the tempo is something to look at. I also like the idea of a pre chorus to set up the chorus. and give it that "take off" feel.I do like my chorus though. Back to the drawing board. Thanks.


  • #4

    First off... great title.. forever's gone.

    I am thinking that verse 1, which to me is actually 2 verses.. it conveys two different thoughts. At any ratem regardless of whether it is called verse 1 or verse 1 and 2, my comment would be the same...

    I would come in exactly with the melody that you have from There's... a letter... goodbyes...

    But when you hit "And there's a heartache..." I'd suggest ratching it up melodically a bit.. throw in a little more intensity.  

    I feel that especially with a slower song, even with a full backing band, you don't want to go so many lines with the same level of melody.

    So let that emotion get a little released when you get to "there's a tear stain..."

    Just my 2 cents. Probably not worth a penny.

    Rick

    "Now and then... occasionally... it seems to have.... too many notes"

    Comment









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