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  • Pride

    Pride


     


    V1


    Pride... and you keep it all inside


    Try to hide those tears you cry


    With your foolish pride


     


    V2


    Foolish pride... and you leave without a sound


    And you won't come around


    It's your foolish pride


     


    Bridge


    If you live to be 100


    All you dreams might not come true


    But you will revel in your life


    In the dreams and things your tried


    If you lose that foolish pride


     


    V3


    Pride... makes you do the things you do


    Makes you put it all on you


    It's your foolish pride


     


    Bridge2


    So you carry the weight


    And there's always so much more to prove


    And you watch life passing by


    Have you never wondered why


    You cling to this foolish pride


     


    V4


    Pride... and you keep it all inside


    Try to hide those tears you cry


    With your foolish pride


     


     


     

    ___

  • #2

    Great topic and basic feel.  I really wonder what kind of treatment you have in mind for this - slow country ballad?  sad Cat Stevens-ish solo acoustic?  big Sinatra sort of heartfelt production?   I'm hearing it something like Alfie.  

     

    One bit of a disconnect - there's the pride that's holding someone back from risking failure, that's clear (at least I'm getting that).  I'm not sure how tears work into that.  Hiding tears can be a sort of therapist's angle - you need to let it out and have the catharsis.  But how does that relate to pride?  I mean I can imagine scenarios in which the two relate, but they don't seem connected in the lyrics.  Seems like two different angles at once - doesn't strike with one single sharp arrowhead of poignancy.

     

    But it's a song, no question.  Just needs a more clearly defined "issue" concerning which pride is the symptom.

     

    nat whilk ii

    Comment


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      nat whilk II wrote:

      Great topic and basic feel.  I really wonder what kind of treatment you have in mind for this - slow country ballad?  sad Cat Stevens-ish solo acoustic?  big Sinatra sort of heartfelt production?   I'm hearing it something like Alfie.  


       


      One bit of a disconnect - there's the pride that's holding someone back from risking failure, that's clear (at least I'm getting that).  I'm not sure how tears work into that.  Hiding tears can be a sort of therapist's angle - you need to let it out and have the catharsis.  But how does that relate to pride?  I mean I can imagine scenarios in which the two relate, but they don't seem connected in the lyrics.  Seems like two different angles at once - doesn't strike with one single sharp arrowhead of poignancy.


       


      But it's a song, no question.  Just needs a more clearly defined "issue" concerning which pride is the symptom.


       


      nat whilk ii




       


      Thanks Nat. I think your need for clarity is well founded. However, I'm not so sure I see the hiding of tears being so far removed from anything else one does when they're too proud. I do see what you're saying and that helps a lot to inspire me to want to focus this a bit. Tighten it up. You got my wheels spinning and looking at this from a new angle.


       


      Thanks you sir...


       


      As far as style, it was written with a cross between an Everly's parallel harmony thing with Holly/Beatles punchy changes. That is being tempered to a fingerpicked early verse building to full drums electric, etc. The slow build thing I think. Indie Folk Pop style.


  • #3

    Good topic, but a tough one to do.

    At the moment you've got almost all tell and no show, so the Bridges lean towards 'preachy'.

    The moment I started reading, my mind jumped to Tombstone Blues:

    Now the medicine man comes and he shuffles inside
    He walks with a swagger and he says to be bride
    "Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride
    You will not die, it's not poison".


    Is it relevant to what you are doing? - I dunno.

    For my taste, your turn of phrase is too straight up and down. If you're going to sing about pride, then I think some choice metaphors and some unexpected turn of phrase is needed to deliver the idea.

    I dunno for sure - just thinking aloud.


    'Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn'.
    CHARLIE PARKER

    Comment


    • Foose31
      Foose31 commented
      Editing a comment

      Love what you got going there! :smiley-eatdrink003:

       

      When I read your lyrics it got me thinking of the timing and beat of Jason Aldean's song "Grown Woman".

      Hope this was the tempo you were thinking of while writing it.

       


    • Lee Knight
      Lee Knight commented
      Editing a comment

      oldgitplayer wrote:

      Good topic, but a tough one to do.


      At the moment you've got almost all tell and no show, so the Bridges lean towards 'preachy'.


      The moment I started reading, my mind jumped to Tombstone Blues:


      Now the medicine man comes and he shuffles inside
      He walks with a swagger and he says to be bride
      "Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride
      You will not die, it's not poison".



      Is it relevant to what you are doing? - I dunno.


      For my taste, your turn of phrase is too straight up and down. If you're going to sing about pride, then I think some choice metaphors and some unexpected turn of phrase is needed to deliver the idea.


      I dunno for sure - just thinking aloud.






       


      I like your idea of working a metaphor. I'm liking the tell not show feel of it though. This is a co-write with Dean Smith who worked on Sandstone Heart with me. The tone feels like the kind of thing I want to sing right now. Sort of preachy I guess. I think this guy deserves to preach a little after dealing with her foolish pride as he does.


       


      For now at least, until not.


  • #4

    Lee Knight wrote:
    Pride
     
    V1
    Pride... and you keep it all inside
    Try to hide those tears you cry
    With your foolish pride
     
    V2
    Foolish pride... and you leave without a sound
    And you won't come back around
    It's your foolish pride
     
    Bridge
    If you live to be 100
    All your dreams might not come true
    But you will revel in your life
    In the dreams and things your tried
    If you lose that foolish pride
     
    V3
    Pride... makes you do the things you do
    Makes you put it all on you
    It's your foolish pride
     
    Bridge2
    So you carry the weight
    And there's always so much more to prove
    And you watch life passing by
    Have you never wondered why
    You cling to this foolish pride
     
    V4
    Pride... and you keep it all inside
    Try to hide those tears you cry
    With your foolish pride

    Nice. I like the idea of an Everly's kind of tune, dual acoustic guitars, etc.

    I'm not sure if this would work lyrically as is or not, though. It's a great topic, but the things I've put in bold are what I would call concrete rather than abstract. They're actions, not thoughts and feelings.

    This might be pull-off-able as is, but I'd rather have a little more show and a little less tell.

    But I could be wrong.

    “I started being a songwriter pretending I could do it, and it turned out I could.” —James Taylor.

    Comment


    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      I've read this a few times, and I'm not engaging for some reason.  I wish I had something more useful to offer, but I wanted to let you know I am giving it a whirl. 


  • #5
    I think that's awesome Phil!

    I'm working with essentially Dean's lyric and mostly great melody and I'm really in brainstorm mode. This brings the storm to my brain.

    Awesome and thank you for the kick. !!!
    ___

    Comment


    • #6
      I'm just really tired
      ___

      Comment


      • #7

        Just read it again and liked it this time.  Who the hell knows?

        This was my favorite verse

        Pride... makes you do the things you do

        Makes you put it all on you

        It's your foolish pride

         

        Don't listen to Justin.
        LCK - 2/21/2012

        Comment

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