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  • #16
    the part of who you are takes a back seat when your kid is born. or should, anyway. nothing should be more important than your child.


    OK, what I'm saying is just my personal experience and I don't expect everyone to agree. If personal interests are allowed to ride in the back seat and don't have to be given up altogether, it can be a workable plan. But a person who sacrifices who they are just to do the right thing will eventually face resentment. Pretending it's alright doesn't last. I'm a little gunshy of people telling me what I need to be doing or setting limits on me. The guy's already talking about hiding something. That's a BS way to live. Once that starts, there is no end to it. Some people rationalize it. I won't stand for it.

    Comment


    • #17
      OK, what I'm saying is just my personal experience and I don't expect everyone to agree. If personal interests are allowed to ride in the back seat and don't have to be given up altogether, it can be a workable plan. But a person who sacrifices who they are just to do the right thing will eventually face resentment. Pretending it's alright doesn't last. I'm a little gunshy of people telling me what I need to be doing or setting limits on me. The guy's already talking about hiding something. That's a BS way to live. Once that starts, there is no end to it. Some people rationalize it. I won't stand for it.


      Would you stand for your child getting less than the best, or what they deserve out of life?
      One who can't figure out how to deal with sacrifice shouldn't have children in the first place.

      I am quite happy to have a wife who understands that drumming is part of who I am. I choose to put limits on how often I gig each month and how often I rehearse each week, and how often/much gear I acquire too, and I hear nothing about what I do choose to do from her.
      But I still don't get to do any of it as often as I would really like to if I didn't have a family that is MORE deserving of my time, attention and money.
      But I'm the one who chose to get married, buy a house, have a kid, etc.

      I suppose "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" might be an appropriate way to look at it, but I like to think of it as don't make decisions you can't support.
      For cripe's sake, somebody buy that kid a freaking DICTIONARY already!

      Comment


      • #18
        OK, what I'm saying is just my personal experience and I don't expect everyone to agree. If personal interests are allowed to ride in the back seat and don't have to be given up altogether, it can be a workable plan. But a person who sacrifices who they are just to do the right thing will eventually face resentment. Pretending it's alright doesn't last. I'm a little gunshy of people telling me what I need to be doing or setting limits on me. The guy's already talking about hiding something. That's a BS way to live. Once that starts, there is no end to it. Some people rationalize it. I won't stand for it.


        rriiight. but it's a little different when a life is at stake. i admit, i was a bit resentful of my son at first. i think it's natural. but when you're talking about things that need to be hidden? well, i say they shouldn't be there to begin with. if it's cause for a fight, then it's worth thinking hard about. no one is asking him to give up drumming. he HAS a killer set-up. when i had my kid, i had four kits, four guitars, three basses, lots of amps, etc. now, i have two kits, two guitars, two basses, two amps, etc. just made me think about what i really needed.
        i miss you, mark
        r.i.p. rudy

        Comment


        • #19
          Would you stand for your child getting less than the best, or what they deserve out of life?


          My answer to your question is "Certainly not". Reading the rest of your comment tells me that the decisions you've made along the way were made by you. You seem to be the kind of person that does not require direction from others in order to make decisions that benefit you and your family. Also, I do not think that you are the kind of person who would stand for somebody telling when to this, or when not to that. That would be a challenge to your decision making process and I don't see you putting up with that. Based on your comments, I don't see you as being the kind of person who'd put up with manipulation, stand for sneaking around, or do anything that you did not decide was absolutely the right thing to do.

          Comment


          • #20
            I didn't want to start a war over what right and wrong. I have common sense about things. Right now I feel she is jumping the gun at telling me to stop buying stuff for the drums when we have 8 months to go until the baby is born. Factor in what I am buying is rather small stuff now and will be purchased with money I have extra after buying what I need for the 2 kids I have now and the new baby when it comes.
            NEVER have I put my own interest over that of my kids welfare.My kids have ALWAYS came first and always will. If the kids need something they get it,even if there is a good deal on something I want,they always get taken care of first.
            I did have a talk with my g/f tonight and I explained to her what my plans are as far as the drums go and how much more I would be spending,it'd add up to around $500 give or take some depending on what I can find used. I don't need that much more to get the drums to where I want them. A few splash cymbals that I can buy used from GC for $40 or less a few stands which I am working out a deal on some new ones now with my old hats,a new hi hat stand since my has been abused and is worn out,I am keeping my snare stand since it is still ok and then the BD pedal which I decided on a single BD pedal and an inexpensive one I know I will be ok with.
            I am not that bad with money,I could be but I know my limits and I know what comes first over everything else. She knows I have a love for playing and I know that I wont get to play as much when the baby comes since they are loud,but that is how it goes and I am willing to step up and do what it takes to ensure my kids are taken care of. I'd go as far as selling them if something major happened to one of my kids and there were medical expenses not covered by insurance.
            9 pc Birch Yamaha Stage Customs Raven Black
            6.5x14 Pearl Masters Snare
            7x14 20 ply Ludwig Epic Birch Snare
            (8" 10" 12" 13" mounted 14" 16" 18" FT 22" BD 14" Snare)
            Evans Clear Hydraulic Heads on all Toms
            21" Raw Bell Dry Ride
            20" HHX Chinese
            18" AAXplosion Fast Crash X2
            18" HHX Chinese
            18" HH Chinese
            15" AAXplosion Crash
            16" AAXplosion Fast Crash
            10" AAX Splash
            Zildjian 18" A Custom China

            Comment


            • #21
              Sorry to jump on you Shawn. you've already got twice as many kids as me so I'll just cool it.

              Not knowing anything about you I got the feeling from the first post you wrote up there that you were a 20-year-old kid who habitually blew all his money on gear.

              If you've got the income to take care of your kids and enjoy your hobbies more power to you.
              I'm blatman.
              www.timhofmann.org

              Comment


              • #22
                Sorry to jump on you Shawn. you've already got twice as many kids as me so I'll just cool it.

                Not knowing anything about you I got the feeling from the first post you wrote up there that you were a 20-year-old kid who habitually blew all his money on gear.

                If you've got the income to take care of your kids and enjoy your hobbies more power to you.


                It's ok. I did have my first kid at age 20 though lol. I do spend a lot on gear but I make sure everything is paid and taken care of before I do.I'm just trying to finish this project up because I know I won't have the extra to make big purchases for a long time.Now it's just the small things I want to finish it up.
                9 pc Birch Yamaha Stage Customs Raven Black
                6.5x14 Pearl Masters Snare
                7x14 20 ply Ludwig Epic Birch Snare
                (8" 10" 12" 13" mounted 14" 16" 18" FT 22" BD 14" Snare)
                Evans Clear Hydraulic Heads on all Toms
                21" Raw Bell Dry Ride
                20" HHX Chinese
                18" AAXplosion Fast Crash X2
                18" HHX Chinese
                18" HH Chinese
                15" AAXplosion Crash
                16" AAXplosion Fast Crash
                10" AAX Splash
                Zildjian 18" A Custom China

                Comment


                • #23
                  I didn't want to start a war over what right and wrong.


                  Sorry to interject my own experiences. Flags went up and I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I'm sure you're more than capable of running your own life. I took this way out of the context of drumming anyway. Congrats on the arrival of your new born, and once again, I apologize.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    ditto, manoeuver.

                    @ that point, i was more arguing with john!

                    and johnbe brings up a good point. congrats on the upcoming kid!

                    how 'bout buying him/her a tiny kit??
                    i miss you, mark
                    r.i.p. rudy

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Based on your comments, I don't see you as being the kind of person who'd put up with manipulation, stand for sneaking around, or do anything that you did not decide was absolutely the right thing to do.


                      Hmmm...manipulation or sneaking around...

                      Like buying drum gear and hiding those purchases from your SO/wife/GF/mother-to-be of your child?
                      You're right; I wouldn't put up with it at all.
                      For cripe's sake, somebody buy that kid a freaking DICTIONARY already!

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Thanks everyone. I won't hold it against anyone. She knows I did get the floor tom and knows I plan on buying a few more things.I'm not going to hide it. I told her roughly how much more it's going to take and she understands.It was my project before and I had bigger plans with the kit and scaled them way back and settled for the minimal things. I planned on getting some octos or decos but they are out of my budget now.
                        If i can find roto toms for under 50 used I may get them but that'd be it.
                        9 pc Birch Yamaha Stage Customs Raven Black
                        6.5x14 Pearl Masters Snare
                        7x14 20 ply Ludwig Epic Birch Snare
                        (8" 10" 12" 13" mounted 14" 16" 18" FT 22" BD 14" Snare)
                        Evans Clear Hydraulic Heads on all Toms
                        21" Raw Bell Dry Ride
                        20" HHX Chinese
                        18" AAXplosion Fast Crash X2
                        18" HHX Chinese
                        18" HH Chinese
                        15" AAXplosion Crash
                        16" AAXplosion Fast Crash
                        10" AAX Splash
                        Zildjian 18" A Custom China

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Just a thought:

                          I'm sure you've already tried this, but in the event you haven't - have you lubed your dw pedals lately?


                          Good playing can hide a crappy drumset, but even the best drumset can't hide crappy playing.

                          Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it.- Salvador Dali

                          Some of the best players that I know really can't play the drums well, but they play music superlatively well. - Jim Chapin

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Just a thought:

                            I'm sure you've already tried this, but in the event you haven't - have you lubed your dw pedals lately?


                            Already done that.Thanks for the advice. I am not to worried about it.I am going back to a single BD pedal anyways.I really don't use DB and when I bought the pedal,it was well used and cheap.It was an experiment to see if I wanted to go with a DB pedal this time. I think I only paid $50 for it,I am sure I can get my money back out of it easy.

                            I got the 14" Floor Tom today. Haven't got it out of the box and heads on it yet,that will have to wait until Sunday when I am off work again.
                            9 pc Birch Yamaha Stage Customs Raven Black
                            6.5x14 Pearl Masters Snare
                            7x14 20 ply Ludwig Epic Birch Snare
                            (8" 10" 12" 13" mounted 14" 16" 18" FT 22" BD 14" Snare)
                            Evans Clear Hydraulic Heads on all Toms
                            21" Raw Bell Dry Ride
                            20" HHX Chinese
                            18" AAXplosion Fast Crash X2
                            18" HHX Chinese
                            18" HH Chinese
                            15" AAXplosion Crash
                            16" AAXplosion Fast Crash
                            10" AAX Splash
                            Zildjian 18" A Custom China

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Sounds like you're headed in the right direction by discussing the situation with your girlfriend and figuring out how to pay for the stuff. Communication is the key.
                              Here's a tip - if you put out some horrible lo-fi recording that sounds like a Gorilla banging an antelope while using a vacuum with a bad belt drive to suck up a floor full of marbles and silverware - and folks don't line up in mass numbers to hop on your wagon... maybe it ain't us who don't "get it". - THX1138

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Sounds like you're headed in the right direction by discussing the situation with your girlfriend and figuring out how to pay for the stuff. Communication is the key.


                                talking to a woman? i dunno. don't think that's what they're for.
                                i miss you, mark
                                r.i.p. rudy

                                Comment













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