Jump to content

Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists


Roger in the sky

Recommended Posts

  • Members

1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.

8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My workplace filters out most entertainment websites - would one of you be kind enough to google "Fripp's rules for Bruford" and post them in this thread?

 

They are things like:

"If you think you should play a fill, don't."

 

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

1. Any existing solution to a problem is the wrong one: absolutum, obsoletum;

2. If you have an idea, don't play it;

3. When a change in the music needs emphasis, don't play it: the change in the music is emphasis enough;

4. Don't phrase with any other member of the band unless it's in the part;

5. Phrasing in the part should include no more than two people;

6. If the tension in the music needs emphasising, don't. The tension is there because of what you're playing, not what you're about to play;

7. If you really have to change your part to build tension, don't add -- leave out;

8. The maximum tension you can add is by stopping completely;

9. If there is space for a fill which is demanded by the music, don't play it: there are three other people who would like to use the opportunity;

10. If the part you're playing is boring, stop listening with your head;

11. If this still bores you, listen to the interaction between all the parts;

12. If this still bores you, stop playing and wait until you are no longer bored;

13. Do not be dramatic;

14. Do not be afraid to repeat yourself;

15. Do not be afraid to take your time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

WHO is Captain Beefheart?!! Goddamned kids these days! Come back when you're older!

 

Thanks for posting this Roger, it made my day. I'm about to send it off to my guitarist who is a huge Beefheart fan. He'll piss his pants laughing. But then HE gets it.

 

Make sure Bnyswonger sees this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Who is Captain Beefheart and why does his crappy advice matter to anyone? I see what he was trying to say, but I think he missed to boat...

nicebigstrings said: WHO is Captain Beefheart?!! Goddamned kids these days! Come back when you're older!

Anyone who can come up with a line like "Sam was a showing-scalp flat top, particular about the point it made" is worth knowing about. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

WHO is Captain Beefheart?!! Goddamned kids these days! Come back when you're older!

 

It's a perfectly legit question. After doing some searching, I found out that he played with Zappa. Being a huge Zappa fan, I was a little shocked because I never heard of him before...because I probably own more Zappa than the majority of the people on this forum.

 

If I come back when I'm older, I'm still not going to know who he is. That's why I asked.

 

I'm not a kid either...but just because you say that it makes you sound like you're 65!!! Old timer...:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It's a perfectly legit question. After doing some searching, I found out that he played with Zappa. Being a huge Zappa fan, I was a little shocked because I never heard of him before...because I probably own more Zappa than the majority of the people on this forum.


If I come back when I'm older, I'm still not going to know who he is. That's why I asked.


I'm not a kid either...but just because you say that it makes you sound like you're 65!!! Old timer...
:)

 

Definitely check Beefheart out then if you're into Zappa. Beefheart is definitely weirder, and I like him more. I'm not sure their collaborations extended beyond a few songs (Beefheart does the vocals for "Willie the Pimp," the studio version at least) and Zappa producing Trout Mask Replica and maybe some other albums?

 

I'm sure I don't have to say this if you're into Zappa, but give any Beefheart a good bunch of listens before passing judgment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Definitely check Beefheart out then if you're into Zappa. Beefheart is definitely weirder, and I like him more. I'm not sure their collaborations extended beyond a few songs (Beefheart does the vocals for "Willie the Pimp," the studio version at least) and Zappa producing Trout Mask Replica and maybe some other albums?


I'm sure I don't have to say this if you're into Zappa, but give any Beefheart a good bunch of listens before passing judgment.

 

 

I will check him out. Weird is plenty fine with me...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OK. We have rules for guitarists and ruls for drummers in a BASS forum. This means we need rules for bassists. Here are a couple; feel free to add.

 

1. No building begins on the 2nd floor. There always is a foundation, something at ground level holding everything else in place. In music, that foundation is YOU. Build a solid bottom for the music.

 

2. Life has rhythm. Day into night, seasons, car motors... Play the rhythm. Even if there's no drummer, a listener should be able to "hear the drums" in your playing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members


I'm not a kid either...but just because you say that it makes you sound like you're 65!!! Old timer...
:)

 

65? Not......quite. But 65 wouldn't be so bad. All those great British rockers like JPJ, Jeff Beck, etc. are geting up there. I should be so lucky .....:cool:

 

Beefheart didn't miss a boat .... never ran to catch one. Seriously though, the man is an absolute creative genius who deserved a larger amount of success and in all fairness no-one can be blamed for not knowing about him. Except for rabid Zappa fans:wave: :p:wave:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

OK. We have rules for guitarists and ruls for drummers in a BASS forum. This means we
need rules for bassists
. Here are a couple; feel free to add.


1. No building begins on the 2nd floor. There always is a
foundation
, something at ground level holding everything else in place. In music, that foundation is YOU. Build a solid bottom for the music.


2. Life has
rhythm
. Day into night, seasons, car motors... Play the rhythm. Even if there's no drummer, a listener should be able to "hear the drums" in your playing.

 

 

3. While you play your bass, hold. completely. still. No wiggling or head bobbing. Think of yourself as "bass furniture."

 

4. If you don't play a whole bunch of notes really fast, people might think you suck. At least work something brilliant into your soundcheck if the music doesn't allow you to shine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Who is Captain Beefheart and why does his crappy advice matter to anyone? I see what he was trying to say, but I think he missed to boat...

 

 

fair enough, you've never heard of Captain Beefheart. he's not exactly mainstream.

 

but you should've stopped at "Who is Captain Beefheart?". your exclamation does you no favors.

 

we'd a been happy to expound on the Captain's virtues. and he's not just weird. Lick My Decals Off baby is blues like you'll never hear. Clear Spot is as kickass a rock record as there is. Doc at the Radar Station was a seminal album of the punk movement.

 

go forth, young man, buy, listen, and enjoy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

fair enough, you've never heard of Captain Beefheart. he's not exactly mainstream.


but you should've stopped at "Who is Captain Beefheart?". your exclamation does you no favors.


we'd a been happy to expound on the Captain's virtues. and he's not just weird. Lick My Decals Off baby is blues like you'll never hear. Clear Spot is as kickass a rock record as there is. Doc at the Radar Station was a seminal album of the punk movement.


go forth, young man, buy, listen, and enjoy.

 

I don't think calling that advice crappy is really out of line.

 

Leave your guitar in the dark when you aren't playing it?

 

Practice in front of a bush?

 

Wear a hat?

 

Yeah... excellent advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Methinks you're missing the poetry, and therefore missing the point.

 

I don't think calling that advice crappy is really out of line.


Leave your guitar in the dark when you aren't playing it?


Practice in front of a bush?


Wear a hat?


Yeah... excellent advice.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Methinks you're missing the
poetry
, and therefore missing the point.

Oh, it's fun to read. Still crappy advice if taken seriously.

 

But since you can see the poetry and brilliance of mr. beefheart's essay, please, reveal it to me.

:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lucid tentacles test 'n sleeved

'n joined 'n jointed jade pointed

Diamond back patterns

Neon meate dream of a octafish

Artifact on rose petals

'n flesh petals 'n pots

Fack 'n feast 'n tubes tubs bulbs

In jest incest injest injust in feast incest

'n specks 'n speckled speckled

Speckled speculation

Fedlocks waddlin' feast

Archaic faces frenzy

Ceramic fists artificial deceased

'n cists rancid buds burst

Dank drum 'n dung dust

Meate rose 'n hairs

Meaty meate rose 'n hairs

Meaty dream wet meate

Limp damp rows

Peeled 'n felt fields 'n belts

Impaled on 'n daeman

Mucus mules

Twot trot tra la tra la

Tra la tra la tra la

Whale bone fields 'n belts

Whale bone farmhouse

Cavorts girdled 'n latters uh lite

Cavorts girdled 'n latters uh lite

Uh dipped amidst

Squirmin' serum 'n semen 'n syrup 'n semen

'n serum

Stirrupped in syrup

Neon meate dream of a octafish

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...